Attendings and Residents: Losing Her

Prologue

Oliver closed his eyes as he sat down on Nyssa's side of the bed. He felt drained from the day and didn't know how he was going to raise their kids without her. Tears rolled down his pale cheeks and dropped onto the bed sheets.

It was the first time he was letting everything hit him, especially since everyone was currently asleep. Oliver brought his hands up to his face and sobbed into them, muffling his sobs so he wouldn't wake anyone. He couldn't believe she was gone, it wasn't fair. Why did God have to take her away from them? From their kids? From him? He lay back on the bed, the sheets still smelled like her. He buried his face into the pillow and sobbed.

"Ollie?" Sara called softly from the doorway, her voice wavering from her own tears.

Oliver tried to calm himself down as he sat up. "Yeah?" He asked, wiping away his tears.

The blonde instantly moved into the room and wrapped her arms around him.

Oliver wrapped his arms around her.

Sara was softly crying as she buried her face in his shoulder. "It's not fair."

"I know." Oliver whispered.

They stayed like that for a while, both mourning the loss of Nyssa. It was hard to imagine a world without the brunette.

"Is Felicity sleeping?" Oliver asked quietly after a long moment.

Sara shook her head. "She got called to the hospital. I asked her not to go but she said she wanted to keep busy so she wouldn't get upset thinking about what happened, she said she needs a distraction." She whispered.

Oliver nodded his head and sighed softly. "We all do, but the kids need us."

As if to prove him right, Valerie walked into the room. "Daddy, Hayes is crying."

Oliver broke his hug with Sara. "I'll be there in a moment, thank you for coming to tell me."

Valerie nodded her head and left the room.

"I should go check on Hayes." Oliver said.

Sara nodded her head and stood up, clearing her throat just as Jonah's soft cries were heard. "I've got him."

Oliver nodded. "They know something is wrong." He said before making his way to Hayden and Valerie's room.

The ten year old was curled up on her bed, wearing one of Nyssa's favourite shirts as a nightgown, tears streaming down her cheeks as she curled around the stuffed puppy Nyssa had gotten her for Christmas the year before.

"Hey." Oliver said softly. He moved into the room and sat down on her bed. "Come here."

Hayden looked over at him before quickly moving to sit in his lap, sobbing softly.

Oliver wrapped his arms around his daughter and kissed her head.

The little girl curled up in his arms even further. "I want mama."

"I know. I do too." Oliver said softly.

"It's not fair." Hayden sobbed out.

"I know, baby." Oliver said sadly, trying to keep his tears away.

The ten year old continued to softly sob, gripping onto his shirt.

Oliver held her close until she cried herself to sleep. Once she was asleep, he carefully moved her and kissed her forehead before leaving the room.

Sara appeared out of Jonah's room.

"She cried herself to sleep." Oliver told her with a soft sigh.

"Jonah too." Sara said.

Closing his eyes, Oliver took a deep breath. "I can't do this without her."

"We have to." Sara said. "For the kids."

Running a hand over his head, Oliver sighed. "It's not worth it."

"Oliver." Sara said. "The kids can't lose you too, Felicity can't lose you too. I can't lose you."

"I need her." Oliver whispered brokenly.

"I know, I understand but the kids need you." Sara said.

Closing his eyes, Oliver swallowed thickly. "We should get some sleep."

****

Arizona was an emotional wreck once her and Lexie made it home from the funeral. She had just lost her best friend.

Lexie pulled Arizona into a hug, feeling guilty for allowing Nyssa to sign the DNR form.

Curling into her, Arizona sobbed softly. "She can't be gone."

Lexie kissed her cheek softly. "I'm sorry."

The blonde curls further into Lexie. "I miss her."

"I know you do." Lexie said.

Arizona cried for a while longer before finally calming down.

Lexie led her to their bedroom and helped her change into her pajamas before helping her into bed.

The blonde curled into Lexie and sighed softly. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" Lexie asked, frowning.

"For crying." Arizona responded softly.

"Hey, never apologise for crying." Lexie said softly.

The blonde curled into her even more. "I love you and our baby." She said softly.

"I love you too." Lexie whispered. "And our baby."

Arizona slowly relaxed against her and closed her eyes.

Lexie kissed Arizona's head.

The blonde shifted and placed her hand over Lexie's barely noticeable bump.

Lexie put her hands over Arizona's.

"Do you think she can still see us, wherever she is?" Arizona asked softly.

"Yes. She might be watching over us right now." Lexie said.

A sleepy smile appeared on Arizona's lips and she slowly drifted off to sleep.

Lexie sighed heavily. She didn't feel tired. Her mind was racing from the events that had happened the past three weeks. She felt partly responsible; she had allowed Nyssa to sign the DNR forms. If she had told her no, then maybe they could've saved Nyssa. Maybe Nyssa would still be here. Maybe Nyssa's kids would still have their mother.