I storm off and run to the bathroom.
I lock myself in the end stall and dig out my journal.
Tuesday september 17th, 1985
Christopher is such a fucking liar.
Things did not go according to plan, I'm sitting in the bathroom writing this stupid entry because I have nothing else to do.
He told Eddie I said a bunch of horrible things. I'd never ever say anything like that about anyone. The worst part is, Eddie believed him.
I'm so pissed off.
Eddie looked so hurt and betrayed, I wish I could convince him they were Christopher's words.
I wish I could make it better.
I feel like my whole world's about to collapse.
I lost it on Chris, infront of his whole table and now Jason is definitely going to be after me.
He won't stop until my head is on a stick.
I wish I could just disappear.
I face enough at home, the beatings from my grandfather. The verbal abuse.
Now I have to deal with it at school too.
I can never get a fucking break.
I'm not safe anywhere, I wish I knew how to keep my stupid fucking mouth shut.
The bell is going and I'm headed to English.
Rest in piece y/n l/n.
I shove it back into my bag and trudge to English.
I can't focus on my work at all, and to make things worse Eddie isn't even in class.
He must've skipped.
Halfway through class I go to the bathroom, not to use it but to calm down. I don't know how I'm gonna focus.
I go back to class and bullshit my way through.
Christopher makes a point to tell me after class how sorry I'm gonna be.
He tells me that I'm gonna pay big time and I'll never treat another man like that ever again.
He said he'd make sure I never even find a man who loves me.
I do my best to ignore him but it triggers something in me.
I'm brought back to all the times my grandfather has yelled at me and told me I'm unlovable and disgusting.
As he speaks more words my brain snaps and I just run.
I bolt outside and across the field.
I make my way through the thick bushes and trees leading into the forest.
I dodge branches and stumps until eventually my foot gets caught on a root and I tumble forwards.
I land on my stomach with a thud.
"Look who it is."
I look up and see Eddie sitting at a picnic table, smoking a joint.
"Eddie!"
"Honestly y/n, what are you doing here? I hate you, I despise you. I can't even stand looking at your dumb fucking face right now!"
He cringes as he says the words.
"I know, I know. I get it. I can't stand me either."
I push myself off the ground and walk up to the picnic table.
"Right and that was your cue to leave."
"Eddie, please just- just listen to me."
My throat closes up and I have to refrain from crying.
"Why should I?"
"You have no reason to, you could tell me to fuck off and never speak to you again and I would. But I need you to know I never said those things about you."
"I don't believe you."
I sit down across from him and rest my face in my hands.
"I know- Chris talked shit about you the whole date. He's the one who said those things, and he's mad because I was 'talking back to him.' All I did was communicate my feelings and he lost it. Why would I insult you for things I also like? dnd? I love dnd, I'd never say anything like that about hellfire. Yeah, we aren't fond of eachother but I truly admire your work as a DM."
"Y/n, stop trying to flatter me. I know you're just doing this so you can try and fix your sad life."
He interrupts me speech.
"I just want you to know the truth."
"Well save it because I don't care."
"Okay.."
I get up and start walking away, wiping the tears that are now dripping down my cheeks.
"Have fun with your boyfriend."
"I broke up with him."
After I say that I begin walking out of the forest and towards my house, fuck last block.
I get home and dig through my bag for my journal.
Which isn't there.
I dump my bag out in panic, desperately digging through the pile of stuff.
My journal is gone.
"Shit shit shit."
I run my hands through my hair and sit down.
This is not good, at all.
As much as I'd like to sit and dread where it went I know it's not gonna do me any good so I get up and ask Steve if I can use his car.
"Hey Stevee?"
"What?"
"Could I possibly borrow your car?"
"For what?"
"I just-i had a really bad day and I need to calm down. Also, can you ask Robin if she wants to come with me?"
He rolls his eyes,
"Yeah, I guess."
"Thank you so much!"
Steve calls Robin and she agrees.
Me and Robin grab dinner on the way out and then I drive us to skull rock.
We sit in the car and eat dinner while we talk.
"Robin, I'm telling you, I dont know what to do! I'm pretty sure when I was in the bathroom someone snagged my journal."
"Could you have left it somewhere?"
She asks hopefully.
"No, the only time I took it out was in the bathroom. Don't question it, I was having a breakdown. But I made sure to put it back in my bag and zip it. I left my bag in class though and went to the bathroom."
She sucks her teeth,
"That doesn't sound good y/n."
"I know! I'm gonna be totally screwed! You know how my grandparents are like, I have so much personal info in there about what happens. It's the only way I can cope!"
"Well, maybe they'll read it and decide to give you a break? I mean they really have no reason to be coming after you."
"I would hope so, but it's Jason, he's cruel and determined."
"I hope everything goes okay y/n, if there's anything I can do to help, let me know."
"Thank you, I just really needed to tell someone, you know?"
"Yeah! I totally get that, you're always welcome to talk to me."
"Any news from Steve's kids?"
"No nothing really new, apparently they stopped talking about you."
"They probably aren't even allowed to mention my name anymore."
"Why?"
"Because Christopher said a bunch of fake bullshit to Eddie and made him belive I said nasty shit about him."
"You do talk shit about him."
"This was next level shit, beyond the point of shit talk. Like- dookie bomb type shit. Things I'd never say to anyone, ever."
"That's so fucked. I'm sorry y/n."
"It's okay, I'll figure it out."
I get home around 9, at that point I decide it's just best to go to bed.
