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❛ I'm— I'm not— not her ❜
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MANY MANY YEARS EARLIER in east london.
Vanessa had grown to like Cain. While her and her mother spent most of their days in and out of the police station for various interviews and questionings, Cain always seemed to look after the children like he's supposed to do, instead of ordering them around like animals.
Each day when Vanessa got home from school and went around to her sibling's primary to pick them all up, Cain was already there waiting in his car so they wouldn't have to walk.
Josie no long lived with the family, but was only five minutes down the road in a rented apartment. Cain had broken up with her, but continued to care for the family like they were his own. It took Vanessa a very long time to trust him, and it felt very strange for all the children to finally have a caring adult figure with them.
The officer that helped her that day made weekly house visits to make sure Cain was behaving, and that Vanessa was back on track with school.
James was still in the boarding school in Yorkshire and he had been offered multiple times to come back home, but to Vanessa's distaste he claimed he preferred it up there. It would be a lie from him to stay he didn't miss his family, but he definitely didn't miss his mother.
Vanessa and him talked regularly on the phone, and each time she'd make fun of his new vocabulary and he let her, thankful that she couldn't see his posh uniform.
Josie had attempted to apologise to the family, clearly not liking having to live by herself while the whole of London knew she was a child abuser. On several occasions, she had attempted to see Vanessa when her school finished for the day, but Nessa knew how to get rid of her. She would shout at her, and soon enough teachers would be outside separating the arguing pair. Vanessa knew that she shouted at her mother, Josie would always shout back.
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YEARS LATER. in Vanessa and Tangerine's shared flat.
Tangerine knew who Vanessa when once she had informed him about her home town and family. He knew she was the fourteen year old lass who put her own mother behind bars, all by herself. The whole of East London had known who she was when the event first took place.
Though, he never mentioned it to her, he often spoke about the topic with Lemon, expressing his hatred for her mum and how much he admired Vanessa's strength.
The first time he had met James was a few months after they started dating, and he would speak fondly of his friends from his school, but never really mentioned his siblings, especially his mum. At first, Tangerine had hated James, as seen as their first meeting was in the middle of the night.
Tangerine had been laying on his chest on the bed with one arm outstretched to Nessa's side when distant shouting awoke him. He had been quick to sit up, noticing Vanessa's absence, as seen as the mattress below his arm had been freezing, telling him she'd been gone for some time.
He slipped out from under the duvet, rubbing his tired eyes and flicking his hair from his view as he pulled on a pair of his pyjama bottoms before he trudged towards the door, his hands hovering over the handle as a certain voice hit him.
"It was Callie's fucking birthday last week and you couldn't even be bothered to send her a simple message!" Vanessa shouted, "She's your sister, James. She always has been. I get that you weren't there for her most of childhood, but she remembers the moments with you before you were sent away! She misses you! All she wanted was to hear from you!"
Tangerine's head tilted slightly.
James threw his arms into the air with a groan, "You're the only one of that family who I care about! I don't bloody know her!"
Vanessa gawked at him in astonishment, "That family? James, we're your family. It was never ours, or her choice for you to be sent away. Mum made that choice, when Callie was tiny! She had only just leant to fucking walk!"
"Then how does she remember me?" James questioned, raising his eyebrows.
"Because you were the brother who comforted her when she experienced one of mine and mum's fight," Vanessa swallowed thickly, "You were the reason she hadn't been beaten! And something that traumatic is hard for a child to forget, no matter how young!"
James shook his head, his eyes trailing down to Vanessa's hands, noticing them curl up into fists, "See?" He jabbed a finger towards them, scoffing, "You're just like her. You were psychopath when we were younger and now I finally get see it. The real you."
Tangerine jaw set, and he pushed the door open, looking across the living room into the dimly lit kitchen where the siblings screamed at one another. Neither of them noticed him as he watched them.
Vanessa's lip quivered and she shook her head frantically, while stepping away slightly so her back hit the counter top, "How could you fucking say that, James? After everything we went through, while you stayed at your fancy private school! You left me alone to look after our siblings!" Her voice raised even more, "I wasn't a psychopath. I was just in so much pain," A tear rolled down her cheek, and her tone lowered, "I'm— I'm nothing like her."
Noticing her shaky limbs and quivering lip as she held in a sob, Tangerine was quick to rush to her side, hiding her slightly behind his shoulder as he turned to James.
James furrowed his brows, "Who are you?"
With his jaw clenched, Tangerine motioned towards the door, his hand wrapping gently around Vanessa's shaky arm and his thumb rubbed circle into her bicep, "Its time you fucked off, mate."
In confusion, James snatched his bag from off the floor and slowly made his way towards the door, making sure his eyes stayed on Tangerine and Vanessa the whole way until eventually the door had slammed behind him.
Tangerine immediately spun round, catching Vanessa's cheek in his palms and trying his hardest to wipe the streaming tears from her cheeks. She finally began to sob, letting her body slide down the cabinets and sit on the floor. He followed her, crouching in front of her. She made sure to never let her eyes leave his as she stared up at him desperately.
"It's okay," He nodded, "You're alright. I'm here. I've got you, love. Just breath for me."
She shook her head, as she croaked out, "I'm— I'm not— not her."
He leant forward, pressing a lingering kiss to her forehead as he hummed in agreement, "You're nowt like her, Ness," He lowered his hands down to her waist, "Come on, love. Can you stand up from me?"
She nodded, sniffing as she used him to stand herself up, and she ran a shaky hand through her messy hair. She met his gaze and sent him a quivering smile, "Thank you."
________________ authors note. absolutely horrible chapter xx 😘😍 next chapter is back onto the train
