SIMPHIWE SHANDU THE HUSBAND
CHAPTER 51
BAGQIBILE
I’m trying to get hold of Thabo, but he just drops my calls. This is the hundredth time I am trying with no luck. Did I really push him away? I’m sure he hates my guts wherever he is. Mandisa was right about me. I continue to be stuck on one person who doesn’t even regard my feelings and who never really cared about me. Here I was thinking that maybe, just maybe he would consider giving us a chance. He is still in the phase for unlove for me. My phone beeps, I quickly swipe thinking that it might be Thabo. The stupid bloody insurance people! I click my tongue in annoyance and throw my phone on the bed. I have ruined my happiness twice. I sometime don’t know what comes over my mind. Like something gets to take over me and controls the shit out of me. I’m starting to hate myself for this honestly.
“I am such a fool I don’t even know myself any longer.” I sniff with a heavy heart. I lay on my back and look at the roof and sigh deeply. My life is a total circus all because of my stupid actions. No wonder my father disowned me and never looked back. Even my mother never tried to make contact with me. Probably even my daughter is not welcome in that house. Now I'm starting to believe that I was brough to this world to suffer.
I spent the entire day all by myself drowning in my sorrows. I am tired of crying. I am tired of the pain I am feeling. I get off the bed to make myself something to eat. I will just eat the brown bread as it is. I don’t feel like eating anyway but I am hungry as hell. A faint knock on the door.
“Go away!” I shout. I don’t normally get visitors unless it’s one of those neighbors who always get to ask for sugar and milk.
“It's me open.” I shove the brown bread I had on my hand back into the packet bread. I check my reflection in the mirror. I don’t look as bad as earlier on. I tried calling him all morning and he just ignored me. The next thing he decides to just show up without even noticing me instead of returning my calls. I open the door and here he is looking all cute. I feel my heart pumping and my blood rushing. It’s like cold shivers have just entered my entire body.
“Can I come in?” he asks. I step aside and let him in. Now that he is here - I wish he had not come. I sit on the bed and cross my legs. Luckily my room is clean. He looks at me and pops his knuckles.
“I saw you missed calls. Thought I should reply to them” Now he has the courage to look at me. His eyes are bloody red shot. I feel my body getting numb instantly.
I clear my throat. “Erm, I wanted to apologize for my rudeness.” I say. It’s the truth. Out of all the people – I should be the one who understands him. I shouldn't have hit him with his pain.
“Why didn’t you sent a text?’ he ask.
“Seeing you in person will make me better. Seeing your face and for you to see how serious I am will make me - I honestly don’t know what to say. I truly feel bad for everything.” He chucks and stands up.
“Out of all the people who know and understand my pain, I didn’t think that you would flash it right before my face. Do you know the amount of pain and hurt I went through. It took me time to heal and forget. And guess what – yesterday I did not sleep because my wife was buzzing in my face. Her helpless body...” He takes a deep breath and tears drop out of his eyes. “You’ve hurt me to the worst. Maybe cheating, I was going to handle but this. It’s just beyond me.” He covers his face with his hands. I get off the bed and stand before him. I remove his hands from his face. I don’t know how to console him. He is a bit taller than I am. I look up and I see pain in his eyes. He takes a deep breath and shyly looks away from me, but I cup his face.
“Thabo, I am so sorry. From the depth of my heart, I really mean it. I did not mean to hurt you in any way.” I place my hand at the back of his neck, I just want to give him a hug. He hugs me back but holds me tighter. His warm breath hitting my neck making to have all sorts of thoughts. Not any kind of thought but the dirty part. I try pulling back, but he held me even tighter. I clear my throat signaling him to let go of me. Something is growing harder by the second. He lets go of me; his mouth makes contact with my cheek. His hands travel under my t-shirt sending shivers to my body. I step back but he steps closer, I step back again, and he steps closer. My legs lean against the bed... “Thabo.” My voice is failing me. My eyes never left his. It’s like we are communicating through the pain of our eyes. I am hurting also hurting. Two broken souls in one room.
“I need you. Make me forget.” His voice is so deep it makes my titis harden. This is not the way to solve things. I try pushing him off – it's like I am pushing a statue Infront of me. His hands drop to my behind making me swallow hard. He squeezes my flat butt.
“Thabo, we can’t”
“Please...” his forehead is against mine. His breath mixed with cigarettes hit my nostrils. I close my eyes inhaling. His cologne mixed with Stuyvesant. I know the smell. I used to be a smoker myself but stopped when I was pregnant. I feel his bulge growing thicker and thicker. The more it grows the more his forehead pop veins. He pulls me too close and rubs himself against me. Our eyes meet and our lips find their way to each other. A cold breeze gushing down my body. My dress is being pulled up and I let him be, I can't seem to fight him off. My body is getting weaker and weaker by the second. I voluntarily lift my arms up and he pulls the dress off me completely. I am standing there naked. I'm not too conformable with my body. I still have baby fat and my boobs are not as hard as they used to be. He slowly lifts my chin up and smashes his cold lips against mine. All I can see is hearts running in the air. I am out of breath. I find myself wrapping my arms around his neck. The kiss deepens with emotions taking over. It's being rushed and the breathing is escalating on another level. I break the kiss, but he comes back again. This time around he is coming on hard and rough. I don’t know when my bra was stripped off. I feel my boobs dangle free from the tight embrace. He groans and pushes me towards the bed...
