Xyla POV
" you've been staying here a lot lately, so I figured he had a girlfriend."
" she isn't his girlfriend, but I think they just rekindled and you know they have this little thing going on."
" you really need to stop playing and get your fucking man." Hasley shook her head. " I done fell in love with this girl, and she fucking stressing me out."
" he is not my man and this is exactly why he's not my man." We laughed.
" yeah, yall not having sex or nothing, y'all just around each other all the time for no fucking reason."
" that's not true, we're not around each other for no reason. I know sooner or later it's going to start getting boring because that's how he gets every time he gets a girlfriend which is understandable because there are new boundaries. And we are not having sex because I don't want to. If I wanted to I'm pretty sure we would. First of all let me say this, it's is not the fact that I don't want to have sex with him. It's just he gets... I don't even know how to explain it. I feel like the wall that I built up against certain shit like this is too strong to let him break it. Especially when he still in this part of life. He's going through his hoe phase and he has been going through his hoe phase since I met him so it's not like I can get mad at the fact that he's a hoe, he's always been a hoe." We laughed. " i'm not even lie. My appetite for sex has definitely changed. I feel like I'm back at square one and I do crave sex and I do crave that type of intimacy. But until I am ready to do that we're not gonna do that because I have to always test my willpower and my self-discipline. Because if you don't have that when you are in situations like this, your life can turn into full shit and I have a child to think about now."
" I say fuck him." Hasley snapped and I laughed.
"I can't."
"Yes you can."
"No I really can't, he doesn't treat me like other girls. Like they fuck and it's over and is done with. He... I don't even know, but it becomes very overwhelming. His emotions are over whelming in a sense." She nodded.
"Got that good snatch, I see you sis." She smiled and nodded and I laughed.
" shut up! He says that our emotional connection and a mental connection plays a big part in our sex life but maybe I'm just not feeling it."
" because you won't let yourself feel it, which is understandable you went through a lot with Brandon." She shrugged. " you may not feel like you care, but it's gonna show your actions. You cannot help you feel you can just help how you react to what you feel. So at the end of the day you know that you feel these things and you know that you like him. And that is perfectly fine. I know you, and I know that you like him and I know that you may even love him. Do you that I know would have never even put herselves in this situation in the beginning that's how I know that you like to him. That alone right there let me know everything that I need to know. It is not a horrible situation because you guys communicate and you both have a understanding so don't get me wrong. But it is a situation that I never saw you in, a situation with a bunch of confusion." I nodded.
" I was literally just thinking that the other night, I was basically giving myself the regular degular peptalk about how I can't allow myself to fall in love with him. At least not yet... I couldn't even figure out myself how I'd let myself get so deep into this situation so blindly. I'm so grateful for my daughter and I'm so grateful for his mom and I'm even grateful for him in the love that he gives me, the way that he makes me feel with sex and without sex. He just takes me to places that I never been before. The level of happiness he brings me is something that I do not want to jeopardize with a relationship. Once we get into a relationship, I feel like I'm going to expect different shit from him." She nodded.
