Xyla POV
" you don't understand, it really feels like this is all my fault. I know it is all my fault. I let him into our world and this is how he left it. He took my fucking baby away from me. How am I ever going to get through life now. I don't know what the next step is I don't know what to do next. I am really so fucking lost right now and it's like I have to pull everything together to accommodate everybody around us." I explained to Hasley. " I am tired. I am so fucking tired. I don't give a fuck when it happened. How long ago what happened. I want my fucking baby back! this house doesn't feel the same, Jaime's house doesn't feel the same. I am just tired of this shit, I really am."
" I know, I know. I am so sorry that you had to go through this and take it takes time. It is your life so take as much time as you need. You need to heal yourself before you can be anything for anybody else." She sat on my bed.
it's been four months since the funeral, and I still feel like we are in that church saying our last goodbyes. Every day I wake up, I miss her, I miss her kisses, I miss making her pancakes and sitting on the couch watching big city greens. It makes me so sad that she doesn't get to know the new theme song. I find myself just watching it , or watching Bluey and imagining that she's there.
" I can't promise that you will eventually get over it or that things will get better. But you are gonna have some good days and you are gonna have some bad days. That's just how death works, but at the end of the day as long as you keep fighting to have a better day the next day God will Reward you. That shit was tragic and you went through something very traumatic so nobody is rushing your grieving process we all understand. What we are saying is you have to take care of yourself, you can't just not eat and not drink or take care of yourself. Your life still goes on, I know that you feel like it's over right now but it goes on."
" I really just don't wanna feel like this anymore, I really don't. I want to go back. I wish I had a fucking Time Machine." I cried.
I heard the front door open and Jaime walked in the room.
"Hey baby." He sighed and sat down next to me.
"Stop calling me that." I close my eyes as Hasley wiped my face. "Why are you here?"
"Because you are here." Hasley kissed my forehead and walked out. "How you feeling?"
"How does it look?" He looked at me and he looked sad himself. "How you feeling?"
"It's a bad day." He said flatly. " you are the only person who understands what I'm going through, so why not come over here and spend some time with you." He hugged me and I sighed.
"Okay." I hugged him back. "Wanna take a nap?"
"I am not sleepy."
"Your not?" He yawned. "Okay." I laughed softly. "Just lay down with me." I let him go and went to the top of the bed and I held my arms opened and he crawled up the bed and laid on top of me.
I ran my fingers through this hair and he wrapped his arms around me tightly.
" I am so sorry that I let this happen." I spoke up, ending the silence.
" it's not your fault, people are very evil. And the most evilest people come with a smile and a warm embrace. You cannot blame yourself for this, you didn't make him the type of person that he is. You would've never done that to her knowingly, so it's not your fault."
" But it is, I invited him into our lives. Even when I knew I shouldn't have I did. This is why I was so afraid to have people around me. This is why I am the way that I am. Cause soon as you let people in, things like this happens. This is just my reality and I'm going to have to start moving off of my reality unapologetically."
