Xyla POV
"He just doesn't understand and that is OK." I sighed washing my face.
his words have replayed in my head 1 million times. I never let anyone words give me this way. This is why I should've just stayed high was. I am fucking trying and soon as I start trying he wants to be an asshole to me. he is right growing up the way that I did. It gives me a choice, to fall in love, blindly, and end up hurt from people like him or navigate my way through situation to make it work in my favor. I chose what was best for me because at the end of the day nobody's gonna love me like me. How dare you say that you can't trust me or my love, I have never interacted with any other guy like this. Not even my ex he has it way easier than my fucking ex. That's why I will never blame my ex for doing me how me how he did me because I was so fucking scared That I created that division in our relationship so when he was sneaking and creepy, I couldn't even be upset. I wasn't upset he just prove me right.
I walked passed his door and I could hear him having sex.
I am done with him. Like he said, I am just going to end up lonely, so I want to start the process now.
"Hey baby." Ximora sat up slowly.
"Good morning mommy." She stared at me.
"Okay let's get up and get ready and have some breakfast. How does that sound?" She nodded.
***
Right now Ximora was in the bath and I was carefully washing her up with this expensive ass soap that jaime brought
She sit and play with the bubbles. Sometimes it's still hard for me to actually realize that I'm a mother now. It's still shocks me even though I know. This is one of the best things I ever did in my life and maybe because she was already a little older, and I didn't have to go through the crying and things like that. But This shit is like taking care of Hasley all over again and actually being able to go above and beyond. Sometimes I do feel guilty because I should've been took control of the situation and took better care of my sister. I know that is so crazy but it's the truth. I hate that I let my mom claim her if you get what I'm saying. She was always just a trophy child with my mom and then when it was time to actually be a mom, she tossed her to the side. I wish I could protect her from that, in a way , I feel like it was my job and I completely failed. yes she is a good person and things like that but she has those moments where I know she went through a lot of suffering and I could've saved her.
" la la la la la la la la." she song the cricket green theme song softly. " 1 2 1 2 3 4." I rinsed her off gently.
I couldn't help but be stuck in my head. I don't even know why I open my emotions and it always leads back to this, me overthinking and blaming myself.
" mommy you okay?"
" Yes baby I am so happy because I got you." I kissed her cheek and she laughed.
" I love you so much, to infinity and beyond." I smiled and kissed her nose.
"I love you so much more. You are my favorite baby, I love you to infinity and beyond." She smiled.
I finish getting her set up and dressed up.
" do you want waffles for breakfast?"
"Yes." I help her up on the counter and she sat down.
"Good morning?" Mariah walked out the room.
"Good morning." Ximora squealed.
" Good morning." I smiled at her.
