Xyla POV
I wake up in the middle of the night. We have been at Jeremy's house for about a week and that is because we are trying to find a house. Momma J also wants to move up her. Having her live up here would be so easy.
I walked to the bathroom and after I was done I washed my hands. I looked into the living and Jaime was knocked out on the pull out couch and I noticed that Breezy's door was open and I walked up to it and I heard soft cries.
I pushed the door and Jeremy was laid out on the bed in crying with his eyes close.
"Jeremy." I spoke softly and he covered his face.
"I hate him." He cried.
I walked over to him and I laid beside him and wrapped my arms around him.
"Hate who?"
"Ben, how could he leave me like this? I just wanted to- I don't know. I hate him." He cried harder and I rubbed his chest softly. "I can't breath with out him, he just left me."
"He didn't leave you, he was taken away. If he could he would be here."
"He said I would never lose him. I lost my whole family and he helped me. He took me in, he was the best brother in the world. He said I would never feel like this again. He did leave me." His body tremble. "I just want to die, I can't live like this. Everyday I wake up I wanna die. I am only 19, I don't know what to do. I don't know who I am, I didn't even acknowledge my birthday because I wish I would just die." He expressed slowly and I could definitely tell it was hard for him to do articulate what he was feeling, because he studied on his words, and he paused a lot.
"Listen I truly honestly how you feel. I am in the same place. I don't know where to go from here. That is fine, mourning a death especially when they are apart of your being and designing of who you are or who you becoming for your next chapter is hard. It does feel like life stops, and you are at a standstill. I don't know my next steps, I planned my whole life with and around her so I don't know where to go from here It's take so long. You can't let this end your life, you have so many people around you who love you, Me, Jaime, Momma, Lucas, Hasley, the guys. Breezy is watching you, Ximora..." he turned towards me and I wiped his face carefully and new tear fell. "This is so hard for you... I know. You are just a baby." His head fell.
It was so sad because he is so young. I mean yes, I am only 23 but he lost him when he was 18. Breezy was the only father figure in his life.
"I am all alone again." He breaths became quicker. "I just want my bestfriend back." I pulled him in my arm and he wrapped his arms around me and he cried.
"I love you so much." I held him.
***
I woke not even realizing I fell asleep. Jeremy was still knocked out, it was good to see him getting some rest because he would usually be up all day and night, on the game yelling and playing music. Smoking. He doesn't really sleep. You can actually see it on his face. He eyes always looks tired and dark.
I just laid there and let him sleep a little while longer.
I can't believe this is my life at 23. I am still lost, I know it's because I am going through my grief and stuff but honestly I am scared because it's already been 7 to 8 months of feeling like this.
After a while, I don't really know how long, but it was maybe about 45 minutes, he started to shift in his sleep, and he slowly woke up.
"Grand rising." He spoke softly. "I am sorry."
