cameras and memories | dream

021 ; was i really still mad at him? (pt2)

I had closed my eyes for a split moment, Clay was talking to me and I was tired. He decided to take a detour to Mcdonalds to get me food since he hadn't seen me eat at the party once. "Don't go to sleep" he nudges me handing me a bag of food.

"I wasn't going to sleep." I glare at him gently grabbing the bag out of his hand "thanks" I mumble trying to sound as though I wasn't grateful for his selfless deed. He watches as I pull out a hamburger and unravel it bringing it to my mouth and chewing it slowly.

I swallow the food in my mouth and stare at him "stop staring at me you tosser" i say and he rolls his eyes looking away "anybody would think you're british with the way you talk shortcake." he says.

Thats it. "Why do you call me shortcake?" I ask him "What?" he responds confused "Shortcake, I never hear you call anyone else shortcake except for me." I mumble stuffing my mouth with chips.

"Because you hate cakes and you hate being called short." he says shrugging as if it were something casual to talk about. "Really?" I say and he nods.

"I thought it was to do with strawberries or something" i sigh and he shakes his head "now if i were to name you after something you liked it would have given the whole thing away." he laughs "what whole thing?" I ask him "the whole thing of me having a crush on you." he mumbles and I nod. I had forgotten about his 'feelings'

"You know I don't believe you have or ever had feelings for me." I say to him and he shrugs "You believe what you want to believe y/n." he sighs looking out the window to the empty parking lot "no i believed you when you told me at the cave, then you turned out to be a backstabber." i say bluntly "ouch" he pretends to act hurt.

"funny" i roll my eyes.

I finish my food and he starts his car up "can i go home now." I whine and he nods "you seem sober enough." he eyes me up and down noticing that almost every inch of my body was revealed due to the fact my dress wasn't more like a mini skirt one piece. "hold on" he sighs getting out of the car and opening his boot.

Jumping back into his side of the car and tossing my sweatpants and a hoodie "I still have your other clothes." I mumble lifting his tracksuit off my lap "i dont care, put it on. although i doubt your parents are still up, these are comfier." he says "i'm not moving this car until you put it on" he says crossing his arms and giving me a menacing stare.

"cock sucker." i huff getting out of my seat, pulling the sweatpants over my legs and the hoodie over my dress "this fucking smells of you." i get back in the car "better than smelling of alcohol love." love?

"love?" I ask spinning my head to him "uh- i- just fuck up and put on your seatbelt." he says getting flustered and pink and I laugh "pathetic fuck." glaring out the window.

We drive past Jeremiah's house noticing Brie sitting outside the house "shouldn't we pick your girlfriend up?" I clear my throat and he shakes his head "she's not my girlfriend. she was the one who invited herself to this fucking party." he says not placing an eye on her as we drive past. 

"uh so then why did you sleep with her?" i ask him "to get back at you." me? what did I do.

"and why did you want to get back at me?" I ask him "you drive me insane, you run my thoughts and fuck up my brain, you tease me, annoy me and you basically blue balls me every single day of my life and you expect me to not get it out of my system." he huffs, tightening his grip on the wheel as he leans back a bit.

"but why her?" I ask him genuinely intrigued, noticing the veins popping out of his hands. Fuck he was hot.

"because if i was going to get back at you, it was going to be through her. besides she wasn't really your bestfriend anyway if she slept with me." he laughs to himself "I don't find it funny Clayton." I say sternly.

"i must really get on your nerves then huh." i say to him "thats an understatement." he chuckles.

It was silent for a while, the only thing that was heard was our breathing. Then suddenly it had become an awkward silence, like something had to be said, someone had to get something off their chest.

"i don't get you, you know." he clears his throat "what?" i say confused "i mean you could be so fucking angry at me, yelling curse words and beating the fuck out of me and you'd still be the last thought that i think before i close my eyes. then when you're upset and bawling your eyes out, thats the only thing i'd think about all day. its like i love you no matter what." he sighs "you love me?" "i thought we had already discovered that." he says and I nod "I suppose we did." I look out my window.

I hadn't really thought about my feelings for Clay too much after that day I found out about him and Brie. Purely because I hated the fact that I could only think about him for days on end, even when I wasn't talking to him.  

I hated the feeling he gave me when he stared at me for a long period of time. I hated every single emotion that stemmed from his actions. But then again, I guess I hated everything about him.

"well aren't you at a loss for words." he snickers looking back at me "shut up i'm thinking" i silence him.

I hated him. But now... I can't hate him. 

We pull up to my driveway and he smacks his lips "we're here" he smiles to me. I grab my things and open the door "thanks" i huff before closing it and walking towards my front door. "y/n" he yells out winding down my window.

I thought about ignoring him, just walking inside and never think about him again for the rest of the night. My worser instincts give in and I turn around.

"do you hate me?" he asks softly looking at me with a gentle expression, I bite my lower lip. 

Sure I had just come to the realisation that I didn't hate him, but I didn't want to just straight up admit it to him... did i?

"no, i'm just disappointed." i sigh. How was I disappointed? He loved everything about me, every emotion I displayed he loved even if it was the worst emotion i've ever had. He nods "for what its worth, y/n. i'm sorry." he says and it sounds meaningful.

I just smile to him before walking into my house quietly.

Closing it behind me and leaning my back against it. My sister pokes her head out of her door "how was it?" she practically yells as I shush her, placing my index finger over my lips "they aren't home. they both got called in." she says coming out and walking down the stairs.

"how did you get home?" Avery questions me "Clayton." I huff "I see he gave you clothes." she winks "yeah and a migrane. I need sleep." I say to her and she laughs at me as I slowly make my way up the stairs "he came to my work the other day." she says.

"funny story Ave, goodnight." I yawn "I'm not kidding." she says before I close my bedroom door.