Damage Repaired

Chapter 35

It'd been a week since that night. A week since I broke down in the shower, where Nathaniel found me. A week since my due date, a day I'd always dreaded in the past. Nathaniel thought I was only depressed because of the breakup with Ezra, which I was also distraught about, but in actuality, I was mourning that night as well, mourning the loss of my baby. When he was lotioning my body and started rubbing my belly, I almost lost it and broke down again. The feeling was so surreal and foreign. It was also how I always imagined he'd touch me all those years ago when I planned to tell him about our pregnancy. He deserved to know about the miscarriage, but for some reason, I still couldn't bring myself to tell him yet, and even though I knew the longer I waited, the worse his reaction would be; I still couldn't find the courage to tell him. My eyes welled with tears imagining him with our baby. Putting all of my personal feelings aside, he would've been an amazing father.

"Anastazi," Nathaniel's voice drew me back to reality. I blinked rapidly and looked up. His piercing eyes were swimming with concern as he gazed over at me from across the conference  room table.

Shit. We were currently in an important meeting and I totally spaced out, not recalling a single word anyone said, but I couldn't let him know that so I sat up and pretended to write something down on the notepad in front of me. "I agree with Donovan," he was the last person I remembered talking before I slipped inside my head.

Nathaniel's frown deepened. "And what exactly did Donovan say?"

My palms instantly clammed up. I had no idea what the hell Donovan had said, so I pretended to scan my notes. "He made a couple of good points—"

"The meetings been over for fifteen minutes Anastazi," Nathaniel revealed, catching me in my shitty lie.

For the first time since I snapped out of my daydream, I turned my head, scanning the entire room to find a dozen empty seats before me. We were the only two people left. This was the second time this week I missed an entire meeting taking place directly in front of me.

"Donovan was the first person to speak when the meeting started," Nathaniel strode in my direction, then rested his hip on the edge of table when he stood directly in front of me, crossing his arms against his chest. "He didn't say anything else afterward." His eyes darted to the table where my notepad was, looking at the squiggly line I scribbled when I pretended to take notes. "You told me you were fine to come back to work."

"I am fine."

"I've been watching you all week, Anastazi and you've been out of it from the moment you stepped foot in this building a week ago."

I scoffed. "That's not true."

"Can you recall a single meeting you've attended this week? The things we discussed and plan to incorporate in the projects?"

I opened my mouth to answer, but my brain was drawing a blank. I couldn't remember a single thing that was said in any of the meetings I'd been in since coming back to work. When I tried to recall a moment, all I remembered were the memories of when Nathaniel held me in his arms after I asked him to stay with me that night. When I woke up the next morning engulfed in warmth from his body heat. Our legs tangled together, my face pressed into his neck, hand splayed against his back under his shirt. That was the best sleep I'd ever gotten since moving back here, but of course, I was never going to admit that. When I woke up again an hour later, he was gone.

I hung out with Nonna later that day, and it was easily the best day ever. Frank took us to a beautiful secluded park where Nonna and I walked around for hours, talking, laughing, crying, and hugging before we sat down and had a picnic. I didn't even have to tell her about the miscarriage. When I first saw her, she touched my arm and gasped, then pulled me into a hug, mumbling how sorry she was. I didn't know how she knew, but I was grateful for her motherly love and reassurance.