Damage Repaired

Chapter 43

I didn't think I'd find camping fun, but Dylan made sure I didn't have the opportunity to think otherwise with all the activities he planned. The day of his birthday I woke up sprawled on my back with Nathaniel's arm slung across my chest while he slept peacefully on his belly, his head buried in my neck. I'd be lying if I said I didn't love waking up in his arms, feeling safe and warm. He stirred beside me restlessly and I rubbed his arm that was wrapped around me soothingly lulling him back to sleep. I didn't know how long I lied there awake, cocooned in his scent while I went down memory lane of every moment we shared together, the good, the bad, everything. I wondered what he would've done if I never came back. Would he have moved on? Started a family of his own, a family we were supposed to have together? Or would he have stayed single forever mourning the loss of me? I doubted it. Forever was a hell of a long time, even for Nathaniel. Eventually, he would've moved on, I was almost certain of it.

Then I thought about Ezra, how I was ready to move on with him, ready to leave Nathaniel in the past where I thought he belonged. But now, lying here with him, it felt right, like this was where I was meant to be all along and it made me wonder if I was ever going to be truly happy with Ezra or if I was just content on pretending for the sake of my sanity. And then I thought about the miscarriage, the last secret in my arsenal. I had finally made up my mind that I was going to tell him as soon as this trip was over. It was time. I dragged this on for way too long and I was tired of keeping it from him. Regardless of everything, he deserved to know and all I could do was hope he'd take it well. I had four years to mourn the death of our baby and come to terms with it and frankly, four years still wasn't enough; my nights were still haunted with nightmares of blood and loss. This was going to be new for him and I had no idea how he would react and that was what scared me. I inhaled and exhaled slowly trying to control my breathing.

Everything was going to be okay.

That night on his balcony he told me we'd get through everything together and I truly hoped he meant that because the bomb I was getting ready to drop on him was either going to prove that we could weather any storm, bringing us closer together or prove that maybe we were better apart. I didn't want to think about the latter, I didn't even want to think about the entire situation. All I wanted to do was focus on giving Dylan the best birthday ever and forget about all the depressing shit running through my head. I sighed and snuggled closer into Nathaniel's embrace and he tightened his arm around me. I didn't even realize I had fallen back asleep until I felt someone breathing heavily on my cheek, someone that wasn't Nathaniel because I still felt him breathing against my neck. My eyes popped open and I saw Dylan's ugly ass hovering over my face with the biggest grin etched across his lips.

"It's my birthday," he whispered.

"Jesus christ Dylan," I hissed. "What the fuck?"

He ignored me and slid under the covers with us throwing his arm around me which actually just ended up on top of Nathaniel's since I was already tucked under his arm. "I can't believe you're actually here to celebrate with me instead of on FaceTime."

He was right; this was the first time I was actually here in person to celebrate his birthday since I left. The past years we'd just stay on FaceTime all day while he unwrapped the gifts I shipped out for him, so being here was a big deal for both of us. I turned to face my friend and smiled, both of their arms still draped around me. "Happy birthday Dylan; I love you endlessly."

"I love you more, dumpling."

"Why is Dylan in bed with us?" Nathaniel's deep voice suddenly rumbled from behind me. His nose skimmed down my shoulder blade.

"Because she's wishing me happy birthday unlike you."

"Happy birthday Dylan; now get out; you're going to have her all day; this is my time."