Damage Repaired

Chapter 57

"He thought he was signing my hospital forms, but I tricked him into signing an NDA and other legal documents that would take away every asset he owned if he told you the truth, and since your assets were tied up in your fathers, which he ended up passing down to Nathaniel, that meant everything you owned including your inheritance would be taken away as well." Victoria coughed again but held up her hand when Nathaniel tried to offer her water again. "It was an evil thing to do, but I knew it wouldn't have ever gotten to that point because he never would've done anything to compromise you or your future," Victoria confessed, her eyes mirroring the excruciating pain that I had carried for so long, pain I was still carrying. "I wanted to protect you, baby; I couldn't bear the thought of you watching me fade away, to know that our time together was limited after you'd already spent your entire life mourning me. I couldn't let you mourn me again, and if everything goes as planned, you won't have to."

"Whatever happens, please don't be angry with Nathaniel. If things go wrong, which is a possibility we talked about. I need you to know that this man loves you more than life itself. He was forced to make so many sacrifices and keep so many secrets all for you. He did all of this, knowing you could find out and potentially end the relationship, all because he didn't want you to lose everything. He wanted you to have the world, even if that meant keeping this heavy secret from you and pretending not to know. Everything he did was all for you, Anastazi; I need you to know that."

She sighed and leaned back against the bed. "I instructed him to show you this video after I'm gone and after the two of you find your way back to each other if the relationship, unfortunately, ends after my passing. I told him I didn't need you two to be together, but it was important to me that you were back in his life in some way, even if you were friends, because after watching this, I wanted you to have him to lean on. I wanted him to be able to comfort you and tell you funny stories during the short time we spent together. Knowing you will get that, knowing you will have him brings me so much peace," she placed a hand over her heart, eyes filling with tears.

I fumbled around looking for the remote and paused the video when I found it, trying to catch my breath and trying to catch my mind up to what my mother had just confessed. As the narrative unfolded, I felt a mix of emotions — sorrow for the pain she endured from my father's hand, sorrow for the horrible hand she'd been dealt, sorrow for the sacrifices she had to make, but mainly and surprisingly, I felt anger. I was angry at her for choosing not to tell me about her. I was angry that she didn't give me the opportunity to get to know her while she was still here. But most of all, I was angry that she put Nathaniel in that position, not giving him any choice in the matter and forcing him to make decisions he didn't want to. My heart shattered for him now that I finally knew the part he played in all of this, knowing he was merely a pawn like I was, and I had left him thinking he was the villain when, in fact, he was the complete opposite. He sacrificed everything for me. If it weren't for him keeping her secret, I wouldn't have the life I have now. I wouldn't have been able to travel abroad after I left, I wouldn't have found my passion for helping people, specifically children in need, and most of all, I wouldn't have started my foundation, the thing I'm most proud of, the same foundation that has already helped and changed the lives of countless children. I had and experienced all of those things because of Nathaniel, and knowing that, knowing what he sacrificed, knowing the pain and suffering he endured during the four years I was gone and still never giving up on me—on us completely broke me.

For years, up until recently, I had harbored resentment and bitterness towards him, convincing myself that he had kept all of those secrets for selfish reasons, only thinking about himself, not caring about how I'd feel or what I'd want, but the recent discoveries Victoria unfolded completely shattered those convictions like fragile glass. The room felt smaller, the air heavier, as I grappled with the magnitude of my misjudgment. The realization was overwhelming, and I went through a series of emotions in seconds. It was a whirlwind of guilt, sadness, and gratitude. Guilt for not seeing Nathaniel for who he truly was, sadness for all of the lost time and love because of me and my quick decision to turn him into the monster that he wasn't, and gratitude for the sacrifices he made that had shaped the life I now had.

Fuck, my heart broke into a million pieces, and there weren't enough words in the human dictionary to express how truly remorseful I was. And I think the worst part about it was the fact that he still didn't think I deserved a man like him; he still thought he could've done things differently, but he couldn't; my parents had trapped him, giving him no way out. 

I felt Nathaniel's arms suddenly wrap around me, and I leaned into his embrace and warmth, clutching his shirt. "Tell me when you're ready to play it again," he mumbled in my hair. 

When I finally gathered myself and my emotions together, I nodded, indicating for him to resume it. I watched through blurred vision as my mother resumed talking. "I wish it didn't have to be this way. I wish I didn't have to resort to doing such a horrible thing, but it was the only way I knew how to keep you from knowing about me while I was still here, and if my actions end up hurting you, I am so very sorry."

The video concluded with a fragile smile on Victoria's face, a brave attempt to mask the pain that lingered beneath. "I hope you can find it in you to forgive me, my sweet daughter," she whispered, the words echoing in the quiet room. "I love you more than words can say, and it's been such an honor seeing you grow up to be the amazing woman you are today. You are my pride and joy, Anastazi, the one thing I got right in my life full of mistakes, and I am so happy and proud to be able to call you my daughter. I love you, sweetie, forever and always," she blew a kiss to the camera, and that was the last time I saw her face.

 I sat there on the couch in Nathaniel's arms, unmoving even after the screen faded to black. The truth about my mother's apparent death was now replaced with the reality of a painful farewell, and I was now left to navigate the complex terrain of grief and understanding, but I didn't have the mental energy to entertain any other thoughts or emotions tonight. I was completely and utterly drained, but at the same time, I was grateful that I had finally gotten what I'd been wanting for so long—answers. I just didn't know what I was supposed to do with them in this moment. 

Nathaniel lifted my chin so he could look down at me. "Take all the time you need to process this, amore." How well he could read me and know what I was thinking was almost scary. "And I will be here when you're ready." He kissed my forehead, then tucked my head under his chin, holding me tightly while I fell apart.

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A/N: I know this is horrible timing, and I hate it, but something came up that I have to prioritize this coming week, so I won't have time to upload like I've been doing. I will be back when I'm free!!!! <3