I Try to Feel Okay || A Newsies story

1

Sunny POV

Oh sh*t.
That's what my mind was repeating over and over again. I swore i felt little droplets of water trickling down my eyes. But no, I couldn't start crying. I'm not weak I needed to prove that I'm a newsie, that I can actually do this without getting soaked.

We were at a fountain in the middle of town. The Delancey brothers were not very far behind me. I'm not in the best shape in the world so you could imagine how hard of a time I was having. I looked around me for somewhere to loose them.

A broken down car in a poor old man's driveway.

***

They raced past the car I was hiding under, like catching me and beating me up was their one goal in life. I stayed there. Not because I was scared but because I was so tired i couldn't have gotten out even  if I wanted too. So i just stayed there breathing heavy , not moving. Nobody would care to know where I was anyway. I felt my eyes closing, and I slowly fell unconscious.

I heard little bangs against they car and I woke up with a shock. It was raining. I slowly pulled myself from under the car and looked up at the dark blue night sky. Manhattan was beautiful. The skies reminded me why I stayed in this god forsaken place. My parents died when I was seven years old. It was kind of a wrong time wrong place moment. They were in a building for work whenever it caught on fire. There were few survivors, and my parents weren't one of them. That was a bit ago and I still haven't gotten over it. My parents were my everything. My mother was the most kindest person you'll ever meet, and my father was caring and silly. They both knew the times to be stern and when to be silly. I love them.

Ever since my parents died I haven't felt love from family like that in a long time. Everyone in the newsies is like a family, not to me though.  I feel like an outcast. The things I do are never cool to them. I'm kind of just an outsider that Jack feels way to bad for to kick out. I don't have much friends, or any in that matter.  Well, I do have one friend. His name is Avery. Well I call him that. HIs newsie name is Heart eyes. He's the same age as me, thirteen. He gets made fun of a lot but he has a lot more friends than me. I admire him a little bit. He doesn't talk much because he has a little stutter, but I don't think that's anything he should be ashamed of.

oh.

I noticed that I've arrived at the Newsboy Lodging House. I consider just sleeping in the rain, I really hate all eyes being on me. Being the center of attention scares me just as much as that Racetrack person does. I'm used to being invisible. I quite like it actually.

I slowly face my fears and open the door. It was late and I was getting sick, I could feel it. Jack and that crutch kid were inside probably because Jack's penthouse was too wet to sleep in. there were a bunch of other newsies in the common area that I didn't bother to know the names of. What do ya know. Everyone was staring at me.

"Uhh..Sammy..? what're ya doing back so..um late?" Jack questioned trying to act like he cared

That wasn't my name, but I was way too tired to correct him.

"I fell asleep under a car..sorry." I ended up saying after a long pause of silence. 

"you're alright"

That feeling. It felt like I was about to cry but nothing terrible had happened. Jack was okay with me being home late. So why was I...crying? Maybe it was the fact that I was cold. Or that...everyone was staring at me. Or maybe it was that tonight was the night I finally broke. I finally realize that nobody cared that I wasn't there. I knew this already, but it still hurt. If I died that night the only person that would notice is heart eyes. Speaking of heart eyes, I clear my tears and walk over to the bedrooms. He was sitting on his bottom bunk with this older kid Elmer, talking. I walk over to them.

"Sunny!" Avery yelled

"What?" I groaned

"you're soaking wet! And where were you? I was so worried!"

"didn't seem like it"

"What is that eve-even supposed to mean?" I could see him get angrier, something that rarely happened

"It's not like you weren't just chit chatting like I didn't even exist. What if I didn't even come home? would you even care? Or did you make awesome new friends that are better than me?"

I didn't mean that. I knew Avery cared about me a lot. He was my only friend and he knew it too. He continued to care for me and talk to me when nobody else would ever dare. I didn't know what was coming out of my mouth. It was probably because I was tired and jealous of what I didn't have.

" That's so n-n-not true!" he mustered out "you stay out without telling me, you get yourself into trouble and nev-v-er seem to care how I feel! I care about you so much and you never acknowledge wh-what I do for you!"

I stayed silent. I didn't know what to say, I didn't want to argue with him. I don't even know why I said what I said. I grabbed my clothes and left to take a shower.

***

I came out and Avery was asleep on the bottom bunk. I climbed up to the top and just lay there. It was 11pm and most people were asleep. All but that Racetrack person and Jack. Did I mention how much I hate being a newsie? I'm not very good at selling papers, and neither is heart eyes. we're both very soft spoken, we manage though.

I hear a crash coming from the common room. That little friend group is always doing something stupid. I envy them though. Every newsie knew who they were. They're loved amongst the Manhattan newsies and admired all throughout newsies of New York. I don't blame everyone though. I don't have the guts to strike against unfair wages, that's so scary. They're brave and admirable. Jack is the leader. He's so cool. He's amazing at leading. Jack's very chill and so fun to hang out with. Not that I'd know or anything, but he seems like it. I'd love to be friends with him.  Oh! and his friend- what's his name? Crutchie! He's really nice. Out of the whole friend group I actually have talked to Crutchie a fair amount. He asks how everyone is doing once in a while. We're not friends or anything, he's just very overly kind.

then, Racetrack.

I admire him so much. More than anyone else. I want to be him or at least be friends with him.  He's so funny and cool, he's also really smart! Maybe I'm just a little kid that looks up to him like a celebrity, but who wouldn't! He goes to Brooklyn a lot. I think he has a boyfriend over there. I don't recall his name but I'm pretty sure he's the king of Brooklyn, which makes Race even more cool. He always has a cigar but I've only seen him smoke it a few times. He's friends with almost everyone! I can see why, he's very fun to talk to, from what I've seen. He scares me a lot though. Cool people make me scared It's like this feeling when you have a crush: you want to act cool so they don't think you're weird.

My eyes seem to get heavy as I listen to the group of friends talk, and mess with each other. As the clock hits 12pm I slowly drift asleep.

Thanks so much for reading oh my gosh😭if you actually read this for the ships then i'm sorry they will probably show up here and there. I'm not the best writer so thanks for joining me on my journey! I will update when I remember too and If nobody reads this i'll just give up on this story, but i'm praying! Have a wonderful day!

A/n
I'm not dead just busy with a show! Next chapter is a WIP i just got done with the whole storyline so 💔