Undercover - In China - Book 7

Part 36 - The Honey Wagon

Kongming noticed the attention I was getting and made a squeaky laughing sound with the souna. He snatched it from his mouth, glared at it in mock anger, removed a section from the end and continued playing with a loud tinny sound. 'Heek! Heek! Heek! Heek!' The audience tittered as he stared cross eyed at the souna in mock alarm and cuddled it like a baby before giving it a smack and removing another piece from the end. The other musicians stopped in discordant confusion and staggered about with exaggerated mirth. When Kongming glared at them, they resumed playing with deadpan expressions. The audience were laughing as Kongming swung his antlers at the children and pulled off the last section of the souna leaving only the mouthpiece gripped between his teeth. He kept playing on the mouthpiece like a kazoo while still fingering the part in his hands. Finally, he pretended to swallow the mouth piece and with bulging eyes he coughed out the melody to the end. 'Krip! Krip! Krip! Krip! Krip! Kriiiip!'

We were now surrounded by a mob of laughing people tossing cash into the musicians' basket. Kongming reassembled the souna and resumed the entertainment, with traditional melodies, until the guards had left the market. 

 Licia put the red noses on several children and they ran off shrieking with laughter.  'If the guards have second thoughts,' she said, 'that ought to confuse them a little.'

We slipped away, leaving the musicians counting the cash with wide grins. Kongming waved away their offer to share the cash. Kongming said something to Licia and was answered by a girl who had followed us hoping to get a red nose. 

 'She told us her name is Chen Ling,' Licia reported, 'and she said she may be able to help get out of the city.'

 Chen Ling suggested we meet her uncle who, as the city lacked anything resembling sewers, had the job of moving human waste from the city to the local farms where it was used as fertilizer. We followed her through a maze of narrow alleys between high walls enclosing groups of tiny houses until we were totally lost and then we reached a compound that looked exactly like every other we had passed. 

 Chen Ling's uncle looked like he could barely stand, he was so frail. He stood up painfully as we were introduced and shuffled about the tiny room to make tea. Chen Ling grinned at us as she gave us tiny folding stools to sit on and we were soon drinking tea and discussing our problem. 

 Licia told us, 'The guards closed the gates and won't let Uncle Chen leave with his sewage cart. They threatened to beat him up if he came back. He still has the cart loaded waiting for them open the gate.'

'I haven't seen a honey wagon since I visited my uncle's farm in Venezuela,' Miguel grinned.

'And that, gives me a seriously diabolical idea,' I said, 'but we need someone the guards won't recognize.'

'Don't look at me,' Licia exclaimed anxiously. 'I'm not sure I want to get involved in another of your diabolical ideas.'

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 Late in the afternoon, the ox cart stopped at the east gate. It was loaded with large, terra cotta urns filled with human waste and the air was filled with a nauseating stench. The driver sat on the front edge of the cart, feet dangling. He was dressed in very dirty rags with a straw hat pulled down over his ears and a rag tied across his face. 

 'Open the gates,' he shouted in a feeble croak. 'You're not supposed to close the gates until sunset.'

A soldier, festooned with weapons, came out of the gate tower and recoiled at the stink. He tried to hold his nose while he shouted.

'Just our luck!' Miguel exclaimed as we huddled in a doorway where the air was just breathable. 'That idiot Wang Big Bang's on duty.'

Licia translated, 'Big Bang told him to take that sh . . . fertilizer back where it came from. The old man said half of the load belongs to the army and offered to give it back right now. He says he will wait here until the gate is open.'