In Lost Dreams the Four Were Bound

14 - Unknown - Breaking Free from the Nightmare

Floating in the darkness of his mind, the man let go again as the cycle of love, pain, and regret began to assemble the horrors once more.

[This is my penance.] His thoughts flowed this way and that as the set pieces retook shape. [This is my punishment for failing her. For failing them.]

In the distance, he could already see the fractal of a red desert beginning to manifest, stretching into infinity as the rectangular geometry of a window formed to frame his gaze. Cold, ghostly stone sapped the phantom warmth from his invisible feet as he continued to be enraptured by self-loathing.

[Don't you grow tired of this story, young one?] a voice asked from the shifting dark as fake walls and innocuous props filled the would-be bedroom. [How many times must you live it before you've had your fill?]

[This is my—]

[Penance?] the strange voice asked, becoming clearer as his embattled brain focused on the peculiar interloper. With an animal-like growl, the odd entity chuckled. [Tell me, young one, what atonement is there in your eternal suffering? Because all I see is masochistic admonishment to assuage your broken ego.]

[How dare you!] A wave of anger swept over his being as he turned his attention to the darkness. The scene froze in place as his vengeful stare pierced the infinite blackness in the recesses of his mind. [Do you think I take pleasure in this?]

[To repeat this grisly scene so many times,] the other said, the harsh words seeming to ripple from the farthest reaches of the black abyss, [it does indeed make me question your pleasures. After all, what man would suffer such loss over and over and over again if he did not reap some kind of gain? What man would prescribe such a treatment to himself if it did not satiate some latent desire?]

[Why would I want this?] he asked, gesturing with incorporeal hands as he molded the scene to reinforce his question. His ashen lover, the bodies of the dead, and Senna's frozen form took center stage as he demanded an answer from the intruder. [Who would want to relive these horrors?]

[I did not ask if you wanted to relive them,] the entity hissed in its gravel-filled voice. [However, who else would this endless suffering serve? Tell me, what punishment would compensate for the atrocities of that day? What are you giving up, and what are you changing by trapping yourself in this self-serving prison?]

[This is not self-serving,] he protested, his wrath growing.

[How is it not?] the other demanded. [Peaks and valleys of emotion: bliss and pain, joy and sorrow, love and hatred. These are the things you recreate with every step you take in this abyss, this web of delusion that you weave for yourself to cradle and protect what remains of your pathetic soul. To stave off the beast that is feeling and living, just to enshrine your wounded pride.]

[Take that back, you monster!] His anger had pushed the limits of his emotional stamina. Looking into the endless pit, he summoned what strength he could, the glowing red gaze of the demons that lurked deep within his soul manifesting all around them. [Take it all back.]

[Is this how you would treat her memory?] the entity asked. Within the darkness, a glowing white light manifested itself. The different spectrums wound together, forming the glowing, ghostly visage of the silver-haired woman from his unending nightmares. Wearing a soft smile, Senna's transparent figure opened her yellow eyes. As she looked upon him, tears filled her eyes, her expression changing from joy to concern. [Is this how you would degrade the time you spent together?]

[Don't toy with me,] he countered as he willed forth duplicates of the dark claw that he envisioned was his left hand. Full of vehemence, he charged the glowing manifestation of his dead lover. Through the unreality, the miasmatic prongs thrust into the light.