In You, I Seek (ParkxBeam) (COMPLETED)

Park

I stood there stunned as Beam walked away. I had heard everything he told my parents. I looked at my dad and mom, eyes full of tears but none coming down. I turned away, rubbing my eyes and I get a hand tugging me.

"Uncle, you ok?" I turned to see my niece who was looking at me wide eyed. I nodded and asked her to go in, promising to come back soon and see her again. She gave me a tight hug and kiss and scooted off. I looked at my dad who was still standing there.

"I will speak to Nung's family and cancel everything. OK?"

I nodded, not saying anything.

"But. You aren't allowed to date or be with Beam in that way. I'm not heartless. You guys can be friends but nothing more Park. I don't believe that love and marriage can be between 2 men or 2 women romantically."

I wanted to retort at his old fashioned thinking and mindset but I kept quiet. I just took my leave, citing I still had classes on Monday. My mom wanted me to stay longer but knew asking me to do so is a losing battle. I went out and Beam's car was still there, and he was waiting for me. I was shocked to see him but I held it in and went over.

"I send you back ok?"

I nodded, refusing to speak because I know my voice will betray me. This time the ride was also silent but so very awkward. I kept glancing at him but he refused to acknowledge me. Finally when we got to the dorm, all he said wa? "Be careful of Nung. You are very trusting but she's not all that she seems. You heard your dad earlier. I will always be there for you Park."

"As my ?"

He looked at me for a while before he finally stuttered out, "friend. Your friend."

I admit, I lost it then. I just got out of the car and walked away. I heard Beam calling out after me but I ignored him. I needed some time away from him before I murdered him for good. Before I went into my dorm, I turned to see and Beam was standing there, still watching me but his ears were red, fists clenched and his eyes red rimmed.

Well I wasn't any better. I turned and went away, finally losing it and my tears in my empty room. Suddenly the emptiness hit me even more.

The next day, I woke up around 5am and went for a long jog to clear my head. The boys texted around 11am arranging for a movie. I agreed and went, only to see Beam and the rest too. Apparently Kit and Lam must have made up because they chose to sit together. Pha and Forth as usual coupled together. However this time, Yo and Ming joined us too. So Beam snuck over to Yo and brought him away to buy him popcorn and also sit with him, leaving me with Ming. Ming didn't care and was thrilled to sit with me but I was low key pissed at Beam who just avoided me. If he wanted to play this, so can I.

Post the movie, the boys wanted to go for mookata and also drinks thereafter. It was a very merry rowdy group and we all had fun. Lam noticed my growing silence with Beam and he sat next to me during dinner. I just nodded citing I was fine and we all ate. Beam was sitting opposite me with Ming and Yo on either side. He paid attention to them and engaged in conversation with Kit. I jsut gripped my hands tightly but I didn't say a word. It was like to day 1 when I'm this stony man and Beam doesn't let my existence affect him.

Just as we ended dinner, I saw Nung and her best friend Suyn. Beam's words came to mind and I just pretended like I didn't see her. However, she came over wanting to talk to me. I brought her out and put her in her place.

"Do not pretend that you are all good. I heard from my dad on what you did. Seriously Nung, what the fuck?!"

"What?! Why would you want to love and marry a guy?! And do you really think I am going to let you go when I have loved you since I was 15?! Your dad may have cancelled the wedding but you guys will regret it if I convince my dad to pull out the shares too. Think wisely Park."

"Bitch, you.. "

"See if I don't dare. Better be smart Park. It didn't take me long to put Beam in his place. If you still insist on being with him, then it wnt take me long to make sure he's not here for good."

Ah fuck! That's when I slapped her. First time ever, I slapped a girl and in public. Lam was hovering near the entrance and he ran over to pull me away and so did Suyn. The other boys heard the commotion and ran out, hearing Nung scream at me.

"How dare you slap me?! Over that fucking gay wimp. You see what I am going to do!"

Argh, I lunged out at Nung again and it took all of Lam to pull me back. But someone else came there and grabbed my hand and I instantly stopped trying to claw at Nung. It was Beam.

"Park. Please. Don't."

I turned to look at Beam who was staring at me but red eyed. I closed my eyes in frustration, let out a deep breath and walked away, clenching my fists tightly.

The boys just watched me walk away but they were all stunned. They clearly knew something was going on between me and Beam and it was all going south but nobody dared to ask.

I went straight to my bike, put on my helmet and whizzed off. I took off at breakneck speed, wanting to be anywhere but near Beam at this point. But breakneck speeds on a blisteringly windy and cold night isn't good for anyone, especially a motorcyclist and I learnt this the hard way, when I got into an accident, skidded and crashed into the barrier. Luckily I had my helmet on but still sustained injuries. As I laid there in pain, bloodied and eyes glazing over, all I thought was...

Put me out of my misery please.

I know it's wrong of me to think this way but at that point of time, it made the most sense.