apocalypse | 18+

3.

the plan
&
panic

there was panic first
we danced
well, it was mostly him
he knocked over drunk people
he was sloppy drunk
his friends seemed embarrassed
i didn't even know him at all
but i held him up
i took the fall
girls laughed at him

i instead laughed with him
this was the panic with no plan
i left my friend
to find some guy
that nobody cared enough to find

he was sloppy drunk
i wanted to ask him questions
in some way
with this drunk man
i took advantage

i thought,
he will not remember me
so i can say anything

he said my hands were cold
he offered his
and i didn't ask
i said, "so warm them."

he stuck my hands in his fucking armpits
i laughed with

he was sloppy drunk
so i let him
i sat down
my friend was gone

everyone was leaving
i was only tipsy
thinking about healing my broken heart

i thought about the long Island in my hand
i chuckled and thought
"well, this is a start."

i shook my head in a way that only i can get
and when i looked up
he came next to me to sit

he flopped down and sunk into the booth
i asked him
"what is it?"

he is sloppy drunk
he will not remember me
but i smile because
i remember everything

i study strangers like books
i like to marvel at them
how can they be this way?
if they're lucky to have me, i might be able to tell them

he stuttered just like this, "you are so," confusion. eyebrows. i already knew what he was gonna say, after all he is a drunk man anyways. "you're cute."

he sunk and sighed.

i replied under my breath, "you fell for it." i got up and left. i had no plan. he only had drunk ones.

my plan was to never see him again.
and so there could never be any panic.
even though everyone already did.
they look at him like he is insanity itself.
they like it.
he draws them in.

just like me.

i sat in the front seat.
i felt i needed to prove something to my friend of whom i should not speak.

he drove and i subliminally told him how i used to like him.
i sang words only for him to hear.
but don't be mistaken, this story is about he, in the backseat. not him.

i wanted to fall in love with his friend.
but i could not be so selfish.
it could never be him.

so panic calmed down
and arose with my breath
i showed him many

the air was thick
we laid on the floor

he was some weird stranger i didn't know
but i knew him
i trusted my friend's judgement
and let the stranger in

i showed him all of my little gifts
and maybe they are just tricks

i didn't think he of all people would fall for it
not in a romantic way, shut up im not that selfish

in the way
a good book draws you in

you want to know about her
and that's it.

as i've said before
he had no plan
but i offered panic

he drunk it away
he didn't want us to leave
i read all of his words

he listened to my music
eyes closed
i rolled
mine at this

he's a weirdo, i thought
but i still laughed with

i left never having any plan to see this strange man again

but the panic in the air ensued
it is the end of the world after all

so what did i have to lose?
it's mania driven
and i convinced myself of this

until it wasn't
i realized i liked the panic
and it made me a little sick

or perhaps it was just the long island
or the chocolate vanilla mix
i dunno, i guess

this is the beginning of the end.