A Tale of Two Carnies

14 - End of an Era

While waiting for my chance to visit Cozbi in jail, I drove the Beast back to the carnival grounds and parked in front of my trailer. The other carnies I saw were all in various stages of pulling up stakes and getting ready to leave. It made me sad, so many friendships made over the years ending in such an unceremonious way.

The door to my trailer squeaked when I opened it. The hinges needed oiled, so I tried recalling where I left the oil can. Then I realized it wasn't my problem anymore. I started packing my meager possessions, but the condition of the door hinges niggled the back of my mind.

"Damn it all." I'd never see this trailer again, so why couldn't I just let it go? It went against my sensibilities to leave something undone. Finding the oil can in the cupboard under the sink, I took care of oiling the squeaking hinges. The humble home on wheels had been a friend to me, and I wasn't about to drive away without caring for it one final time.

I felt ridiculous, personifying an object. What was wrong with me? I figured my frayed emotions over the business going belly up and the injustice Cozbi suffered distressed me more than I realized. Cozbi was another squeaking hinge in my life, something I felt compelled to fix. Except Cozbi's life was way more precious than some inanimate piece of hardware. I could fix anything mechanical. I prayed I'd be able to find a way to fix Cozbi's situation.

Finishing my packing served as a welcome distraction. Other than clothing and toiletries which fit into two cardboard boxes, I took my toolbox, towels, bed sheets, a couple of blankets, and my pillow. Yeah, I had to have my pillow.

From a shelf, I picked up a framed photo of my mom and studied it. It's all I had left from her. A lump formed in my throat as I considered my mother's sacrifice so that I could have a chance at a better life. Was I squandering what she had given me? Was I better off now at twenty than when I joined the carnival at fourteen? Was I even a better person?

Gently, I packed the photo in a box between layers of clothing.

I took one last look through the trailer to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything important. Exiting for the last time, I turned and said, "Goodbye, old friend."

I opened the rear door to the van and slid in my belongings along one side. I figured I'd have to sleep in the back. If one side was clear, it would give me enough room to stretch out.

Next, I pulled up to Cozbi's trailer. She had lived there with her father until he passed away. Afterward, she continued staying there by herself. Greenie was going to sell it, so someone needed to gather her things and look after them while she was in lockup. Obviously, I inherited that responsibility.

I entered the trailer and found Amy "Mom" Adams sorting through Cozbi's clothes. She didn't act at all surprised to see me and said, "This girl has so much stuff."

Glancing around, I understood her meaning. Cozbi had two dressers stuffed with clothing and the gypsy costumes she wore during carnival hours. Her many pairs of shoes were scattered about. Every square inch of counter space in her bathroom was loaded down with female clutter.

"Lordy!" I exclaimed.

Mom tsked. "I hate that everything she owns is going to be thrown out."

"Not everything." I grabbed a box. "Help me figure out what she can't live without. I'll store boxes in the Beast so she has something when she gets out."

Mom dabbed at her eyes with one of Cozbi's t-shirts. "The poor girl. It's a hell of a thing when one's life is reduced to just a couple of boxes."

I couldn't disagree.

She helped me pack essentials, underthings, a few changes of clothing, her best dresses and outfits, toiletries, and shoes. We ended up with six boxes before I stopped her. "Mom, I said we should pack what Cozbi can't live without." All those boxes would take up most of the van's rear storage area. I'd have no place to stretch out and would end up sleeping across the seats in the cab.

She blew out a breath. "Yeah, so, she'll be needing all these things."

I guessed she was trying to tell me girls needed more stuff than guys, and I would just have to deal with it. Anyway, I decided not to argue and loaded the boxes into the Beast.

"There's more," Mom said.

I scoffed. "More? There's no more room."

Mom walked back inside the trailer. "Follow me."

Sighing, I stepped in behind her.

She reached into the back of a closet and pulled out a box of sketchpads. "Cozbi will never forgive us if we don't save her artwork and her colored pencils."

Mom had been right about wanting to save them. "Yeah, this is her bread and butter. I'll make room." Luckily, I found some gaps between clothing boxes. Her drawing supplies fit behind the passenger seat.

When done, Mom and I regarded each other.

"Well, I guess this is it," I said. "Where will you go from here?"

She sniffled. "I'll be staying with my sister in New York until I figure things out. How about you, Jace? I know you're staying in the area, but what will you do?"

"Find a job, I guess. I need to be Cozbi's advocate and get her out of lockup."

"I understand. You've always been her bodyguard and friend and you're keen on her. It's only natural for you to see things through." She laid a hand on my shoulder and spoke in a more serious tone. "Jace, I hope she appreciates all you're doing for her and doesn't take you for granted."

"I'm sure she will."

"I hate to say this, but you need to consider how things may not turn out well for her. Don't become so invested that you get hurt."

Greenie had warned me to ignore my heart. Now Mom was warning me too. Was there something about Cozbi I couldn't see? "She didn't do it."

"I don't believe she did it either, but justice is often blind to the truth. Cozbi's fate lies in the hands of people who don't know her and don't care about her."

Yeah, emotion-driven illogical people. "I'll make sure they care."

She wore a rueful smile. "God bless you, Jace."

"You too, Mom."

We embraced. The woman pulled away, sniffled, and walked toward her own trailer.

My emotions were too raw, so I really didn't feel like saying goodbye to anyone else. I climbed into the Beast. While driving away, I took one last look in my rearview mirror.

If my life were a book, one could say I had turned a page. The pages ahead lay blank and void. I had no idea what words would eventually be written there. 

How frightened would you be, having to start a new life like Jason all alone with no safety net?

Top image credit: artranked.com