A Tale of Two Carnies

32 - The Reckoning

The next morning, thick clouds blanketed the sky, the weather gloomy and miserable, a perfect match for my mood. Rain fell in sheets at a raw temperature just above freezing. If it weren't for my new job, I'd seriously consider Alvin Armstrong's advice to pick up Cozbi and beat feet to sunny Florida. Having no choice, I had to suck it up for now.

I arrived at the Dancing Bear early, beating even Twitchy, and marched straight to my room. I had no intention of prolonging the visit and wanted to get away from the place with as little fanfare as possible.

Cozbi sat on the bed, fully dressed and ready as I walked through the door. She wouldn't meet my gaze.

Damn right, she should feel ashamed.

I grabbed her packed bags. "Let's go."

She picked up her sketches and drawing stuff and followed me down the stairs. Neither of us possessed winter gear, so both of us were shivering by the time we climbed into the Beast. The pouring rain pasted Cozbi's hair to her face. She took a moment to fix herself while I started the motor.

She leaned tight up against the passenger door and wouldn't look my way. Neither of us spoke a word as I drove away, heading for our new home in the rented trailer.

Cozbi rubbed her arms and shivered. I switched the heater on high.

"Thank you," she mumbled.

The girl had humiliated me in the worst possible way, yet I couldn't stop being a gentleman, concerned for her comfort. I didn't have it in me to retaliate by degrading her. She was still a human being and deserved some respect, but she would face consequences. I had rehearsed in my mind what I was going to say and do when we arrived at our new home.

The miserable rain didn't let up as I pulled in next to the trailer. The ticking of precipitation against the windscreen let me know the rain had turned to sleet. We unloaded our meager possessions from the Beast and stacked them in the kitchen. When done, I looked in the refrigerator hoping the landlord may have left behind something to drink.

No such luck.

I slumped into one of the dinette chairs and pointed to the adjacent chair. "Sit."

She did so, still not meeting my gaze. We relaxed for a minute, saying nothing.

The silence must have become too uncomfortable for Cozbi. She spoke in a timid voice. "I'll do all the work around here. I'll clean, I'll do our laundry, I'll have dinner waiting for you when you get home every night, I'll do everything."

She shot a quick glance my way, I assumed to check my reaction, before she looked away to pick at a hangnail.

"What you just said is everything a girlfriend would do for her boyfriend, but you've made it clear that's a direction you don't want to go with me. You don't want intimacy from me, but you had no problem welcoming it from a stranger. Why?"

She didn't react, so I spoke. "Cozbi, look at me."

She didn't move.

I raised my voice, "Look at me!"

Slowly, tentatively, she met my gaze.

My chest grew tight, and I took a moment to compose myself. I lowered my voice. "I've had feelings for you for years. I watched over you and protected you since you were a little girl. I've been loyal and stuck by you during all your recent trouble. Cozbi, if you would have given me a chance, I would have loved you to the moon and back, but you don't want my love."

I took a breather before continuing. "Look, I know feelings can't be forced. I was resigned to the fact that you didn't return my affection and was content to just be your friend. What I could never imagine was you trampling all over my feelings and the depth of your disrespect."