35 - A Parting

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Cozbi's last two weeks with me passed in a frightening blur. I thought a lot about her during my workday, hoping she would be okay with the new job. I bought her a new set of luggage and some business suits. She promised to pay me back, but I didn't want her money. I just wanted her to be happy and safe and tried my best to give her what she needed to get off to a good start.

I agreed to take her to the train station to see her off. Miri Gold, Cozbi's brash agent, promised to have someone pick her up at the other end.

I also started thinking about how to approach Shelly. Should I text her, call her, or just show up on her campus and try to find her? I hoped she was still single. If not, I'd have to figure out how to meet girls, a process completely foreign to me. Starting a conversation with a woman at some pickup bar intimidated me, and the idea of using a dating app seemed tacky.

As the big day approached, Cozbi grew more and more wistful. I did too. We had been part of each other's lives for the past seven years, formative years during which time we both grew up. I wanted to take her to dinner on our last night. She said no and wanted us to have our last meal together in the trailer. She wanted to make dinner for me.

She prepared a lasagna, along with a long loaf of garlic bread. I poured her a glass of wine, just one. It wouldn't do for her to have a hangover on the train.

After we loaded the dishwasher and cleaned up the kitchen, we looked at each other, neither of us knowing what to say.

We sat together on the sofa and watched TV until it was time to go to bed.

One more night until freedom.

We said our goodnights and went to our separate rooms.

Around midnight, just as I started to doze off, Cozbi knocked on my door frame. I usually left my door open. I switched on my nightstand lamp.

She stood there wearing her nightshirt, fidgeting, eyes cast to the floor.

"Are you okay?"

Her voice cracked when she spoke. "Jacey, I'm scared." She entered my room and sat on the side of my bed. I propped myself up on my pillows.

"This new job." She stopped to take a breath. "Suddenly, it seems very real to me."

"I get that, Cozbi. It's normal to be apprehensive. You're only nineteen and going out on your own for the first time. But this should be an exciting time for you. You're going to conquer the world!"

My words made her smile. I hoped it would snap her out of her funk.

She leaned over and rested a hand over my heart. "You've protected me and taken care of me for so long. Who's going to take care of me now?"

"You are. You've never had to depend on yourself, but I know you have it within you. You'll be able to fend for yourself."

She began to fidget again, rubbing her hands together. "I've been thinking." She paused before going on. "Do you think it might be possible for you to come with me?"

"Someone will be waiting for you at the train station in New York. You won't need me to escort you."

She shook her head. "That's not what I mean. You could find a job in New York. We could stay together. With my salary, I'd even be able to support the two of us—"

"—No, Cozbi, we both know that can't happen. This is your journey, not mine. You have to do this alone. It's part of becoming an adult."

Without asking, she laid down beside me. "I really screwed things up with you, Jacey. You're a good man." She turned on her side to face me. "You are so much more of a decent human being, and I am so much less of one."

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