xoxo || a gossip girl fanfic

your on your own, kid

outfit:https://www.pinterest.com/pin/24910604182250689/ to start my day off, i went to brooklyn to visit dan. i knocked on the door. dan answered. "aspen? hello." dan stated. "hi, can i come in?" i questioned. "uh, sure." he replied. i walked in. "want anything to eat?" he questioned. "just because i'm pregnant doesn't make me hungry all the time." i stated. "so you don't want anything?" he asked. "yeah i'm good. thanks though." i replied. "so what's up?" he questioned. "i was just wanted to say that i'm not mad at you for posting the book." i stated. "really?" he asked. "yeah. back when my mom was alive and brooks and i were young, she tried writing, but she never got a grip on it. it's a very hard thing to do. but you did great. so congrats." i stated. "thank you aspen. so. when is the baby coming?" he questioned, awkwardly. "don't worry humphrey i didn't stay to chat. early november. i'll see you around." i said, getting up from the stool in his kitchen. "bye aspen." he said. "bye dan." i replied, leaving. i think about what i'm going to do. but neither one sounds perfect.  not one is jumping out to me. i don't want to go on tour when i have a child. i don't want to perform on broadway, but i most certainly don't want to be away from everyone in los angeles. hm i wonder what i wanted to do when i was younger. what i remember is marine biologist, professional surfer, doctor, and interior designer. wait. i kind of like interior designer. but before i do that i need something to try before i do that. a house. wait. charlie rivers. real estate agent. "hey charlie." i said, dialing his phone number. "aspen cameron. haven't heard from you since boarding school, when you got kicked out. what can i do for you?" charlie asked. "ha, fun memories. do you have any penthouses or townhouses that i can buy right now?" i questioned. "yeah. do you want me to send you the pictures?" he asked. "no, just tell me where they are." i said. "alright. we have a brownstone in the upper east side-" "i'll take it." i interrupted. "are you sure?" charlie asked. "yep, send the stuff to my apartment." i stated. "okay, it will be there today." charlie stated. "perfect. bye." i said, hanging up. i got home where nate was sitting on the couch with the dogs. "hey aspen." he said. "hey." i replied, walking over to the kitchen. "so chris was here today." nate pointed out. "oh really? what did he say?" i questioned. "he said that jimmy fallon, james corden and ellen degeneres want you on there shows in december right after the baby comes." nate stated. "ew. i'm not going on ellen. did you see how mean she was to taylor swift last week?" i questioned, grabbing a vitamin water from the fridge. "yeah. so i have a question." nate said. "what's up?" i asked, walking over to the couch. i sat next to him. "are you going to la?" he asked. "nate-" "because i made a really dumb decision a few days ago." he added. "what did you do?" i questioned. "i bought a brownstone." he stated. "nate-" "you have to stay here aspen." he stated. "why? i wasn't planning on joining pirates." i questioned. he gave me a look. "no, no." i said. "it's no use aspen." nate said. "please don't." i said, getting up. "aspen we have to have it out." nate stated getting up. "no no." i said. "i have love you ever since i met you! i couldn't help it! then i tried to show you and you wouldn't let me which is fine-" nate yelled. "no!" "but i must make you hear now and you have to give me an answer because i cannot go on like this any longer!" he yelled. "nate. please no." i said. "i gave up blair, i gave up everything you didn't like. i'm happy i did. it's fine and i waited and i never complained because i've- i figured you'd loved me, aspen. and i've realized i'm not half good enough and i'm not this great man." nate yelled. "yes. yes you are. you're a great deal. you're too good for me and i'm so grateful for you and i'm so proud of you. i just can't help it. i can't. i'm not good enough for you. we wouldn't work, and now that's there's a baby involved we can't mess around." i stated. "i can't love anyone else aspen! i only love you!" nate yelled. "nate it would be a disaster." i stated. "it wouldn't be a disaster!" he yelled. "we would be miserable!" i yelled. "i'd be perfect!" he yelled. "i can't. i can't." i said. "why does everyone expect it then? why does your family and my family except it then? why are you saying this? say yes! let's be happy together, aspen!" he yelled. "i can't say yes truly so i'm not going to say yes at all. eventually you'll realize it." i stated. "i'd rather hang myself then ever realize it." he replied, walking away. "nate." i said. "i'd rather be dead." he repeated. "nate don't say that. nate. nate you're going to fine someone who's perfect for you but that's not me. i wouldn't be good at it." i said, following him. "yes you would aspen." nate said. "i love you aspen." nate said. he started staring at me. "what are you doing?" i questioned. "i'm looking at you." he stated. "i mean, what do you intend to do?" i asked. "with life?" he questioned. "yep." i said. "media." he replied. "waste of time." i replied. "what would you have me do?" he asked. "business." i replied. "you're not playing fair." he replied, walking away. "what's harry doing?" he asked. "uh i don't know." i replied. "don't marry him." nate said. "what?" i asked. "don't marry him." he repeated. "i wasn't planning on it. but why?" i said. "why? you know why." he said, walking back over. "no." i said, backing up. "yes." nate said, coming towards me. "no nate." i said. "yes." nate said, trying to put his arm on my head. "your are being mean. stop it." i said, hitting his arm away. "what? how am i being mean?" he questioned. "i have been second to serena my whole life. and i won't be the person you settle for because you cannot have her. i won't. when i've spent my entire life loving you." i replied. "marry me." nate said. "what?" i asked. "marry me." he replied. there was silence. "what are you going to do aspen?" he asked. "i don't know." i replied. "after that? are we already back there? what about what i just said? they happened you know!" he asked. "i know that they happened and i appreciate each word. but they were also very irresponsible." i stated. he walked away.  "i have a whole life out there!" i exclaimed. "so you are going to have a baby with me and then go back there?! was that your plan??" he yelled. "no! i made a promise to millions of people! they gave me they're support so i gave them my word!" i yelled. "but your word is shot to hell now!" he yelled. i went silent. "this is not about keeping your promise and it's not about following your heart, it's about security!" he yelled, breaking the silence. "what the fuck is that supposed to mean?" i asked. "FAME!" he yelled. "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? now i hate you!" i yelled. "if you leave me i hate you!" he yelled back. "HAVE YOU EVER BEEN PAYING ATTENTION TO ANYTHING THAT'S HAPPENING HERE?" i yelled. "i guess not, i guess i misread all of those signals!" he yelled. "well i guess you did!" i yelled, going upstairs. "YOUR BORED! WE WOULDN'T BE HERE IF THERE WASN'T SOMETHING MISSING!" nate yelled, following me. "arrogant son of a bitch !" i yelled, packing a bag. "would you just stay with me?" he asked. "stay with you? what for? look at us we're already fighting!" i yelled. "well that's what we do! we fight! you tell me when i'm being an arrogant son of a bitch and i tell you when you're being a pain in the ass! which you are 99% of the time! i'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. they have a two second rebound rate and your back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing." he pointed out. "so what?" i questioned. "so it's not gonna be easy. it's gonna be really hard and we're going to have to work at this every day but i want to do that because i want you. i want all of you forever. you and me everyday." he stated. i started to tear up. "will you do something for me? please. you just picture your life for me? 30 years from now what's it look like? if it's with anyone else, go! go! i lost you twice, i think i could do it again! if i thought that's what you really wanted. but don't you take the easy way out!" he added. "what easy way out? there is no easy way! no matter what i do someone gets hurt!" i pointed out. "would you stop thinking about what everyone else wants? stop thinking about what i want! what your fans want, what your father wants, what do you want?" he yelled. "it's not that simple!" i exclaimed, zipping my bag shut. "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" he yelled. "i have to go." i replied, grabbing my bag and heading down the stairs. he didn't say anything. "i'll call the dog sitter. go to chucks." i said, slamming the door behind me.