Sepia Makes Everybody Cry With a Dyle Fanfic

twenty two

Kyle was still too disoriented to respond. I really didn't want to talk to anyone at that moment, though, and when I heard more noise from the lounge, I bolted. I stumbled through the halls blindly, tears still in my eyes, and found my way back up to the bunks.

I felt so pathetic. I felt stupid for getting into this mess. Most of all, I felt hurt. It hurt that Kyle was drunk when something like that happened. It hurt that he wasn't even trying to do the right thing. It hurt that it seemed I was the only one who wanted a relationship to mean something.

I climbed into my bunk and curled up in the covers, holding the blankets so tightly my fists turned white. I shook for a while, just letting myself cry in peace. I needed to get it out of my system.

Get it over with. Let it out. Then I can... go find the positives again.

I groaned and stuffed the pillow in my face. I'm so stupid. Everything so stupid. Why am I the only one who ever seems to get hurt? I thought back over everything. I was always the overly emotional one. Will closed off and walked away. Woody used logic to get over it. Kyle... well, he just laughed it off. I'd never seen him very upset before.

I dried my eyes again and sat up. My chest felt incredibly tight and my joints were more mechanical than ever, but I seemed to be over crying for a while. I sighed, the shaky breath rattling me. I felt brittle. I almost wanted someone to just come along and take the last swing. Maybe then something would start moving forward again.

After a few minutes of staring blankly at the wall, I reached under the bed and pulled out my lyrics. I gripped them in my hands, the paper crinkling satisfyingly. I sighed and looked them over again. I didn't mean to think of anything more, but some of the verses just... didn't seem right anymore. I fumbled for a pen and scratched out a few lines, then two entire verses.

"Breathe... push the anger down... Try to remain calm...?" I rubbed my eyes. "No, no..." I twisted the words, pulled the, stretched them, and more lines came pouring out. "I want to be back on the ground... feel my feet... No. Where my feet touch my shadow." I smiled, feeling productive and continued. "Take me back. Bring me down. Back down below." My mind flashed guiltily to us here not even an hour ago.

I shook the thought of my head and fixed the lines. "The lyrics will do the talking for me," I sighed.

I remembered what I'd been thinking about earlier, how Kyle didn't seem to be trying as hard as me. It made me mad. "I'm not the only one in this freaking situation," I snapped, no one around to hear. "If he shows up all sad now..." I blinked hard. "He may not even remember what he did to me."

I realized I was gripping the pen so hard it hurt, and released slowly. How would you put that into lyrics? my subconscious appeared quietly. I allowed myself to roll the thoughts over in my head.

"Hey now, what's the gravity upon your face? Aren't I the one who's bleeding?" I felt my chest well up with pride in myself. "My mind isn't useless after all."

I decided to repeat a few other things, seeing as it fit everything. I started imagining more scenarios and enjoyed getting lost in my head, just bleeding onto the pages. I ran out of room and had to go digging through my bag for more paper. Then I sat back, read them, hummed them, and generally finished what I'd been trying to say.

I sighed and put them away for the last time. "Great. How do you solve the problem? Write a song." I pulled at my hair and curled my knees against my chest, hugging them tightly. I could still feel the ache deep inside, and tried hard to remember what it felt like to be normal again. I breathed deeply and laid my cheek on top of my knees. "A few more minutes. Just a few more minutes. Then... I'll fix it," I promised.

I didn't even believe myself.

After a few minutes of just sitting and breathing, I reached over and fumbled around my backpack. I pulled out my headphones and found my phone, plugging in. I scrolled through, finding a nice track. I sighed and leaned back, trying to focus on the music for just a little while longer. Then "Oh My Love," a lovely, heart-wrenching lyrical masterpiece by the good friends of To Kill A King began playing.

I listened for a few lines, then the ache returned as the words sunk in. Oh, God, I'm in love with him.

I ripped out the headphones and turned off my phone, shaking. I balled up my fist and pounded the ground. "Why?" I spat through clenched teeth. "One day, I'm going to look back on this... and laugh. I'll know just how ridiculous this whole thing is. I never pursued guys before, and Kyle has been too close. I'm going to get over it. I'm going to laugh."

I swallowed hard and tightened my core. No. Just ignore it. For real, this time. Get over it. Get over him. Get over this.

I felt more stable than I had in a long time. I felt in control finally. I started standing up, but nearly jumped out of my skin when someone knocked loudly on the door. My heart dropped to my feet. Time to start fixing it.