Let It Be Me

Chapter Two - Tears Falling Down Making Puddles On The Ground.

HI:) The photo on the side-----> Is Calvin. Is that a good person to play Calvin? 

Please let me know!

xx

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I was fifteen when that incident happened. Young, fresh and innocent. I really thought he was a good guy. God, I even thought i was going to marry him! HA. That's what everyone thinks when they're fifteen.

t all started when me and him, Calvin were having dinner at our favorite restaurant 'Hunter's Diner'.  It was a friday night and that was our ritual. We sat at our usual spot in the corner by the window.

"Hey babe, I've been thinking lately you know...I mean...um...What I'm trying to say is..."

"Just spit it out Calvin" I said getting a bit frustrated. It was my time of month you see...so you cant really blame me.

"Okay okay calm down babe! I've just noticed how all my mates they all have a steady girlfriend who..."

"What are you trying to tell me? Are you breaking up with me?!" My cheeks felt hot.

"No no no thats not what i mean! Its just...we haven't done anything past kissing man. It sucks for me all my friends are calling me a..." He reached out and placed his hand on mine gently.

"Your friends. Thats all you ever care about! Who cares how far they've gone with their girlfriends!"

"Hey hey come on babe calm down. You know what? Lets drop this." He forced his signature smile and grabbed my hand . " I'm sorry. I love you. Lets order" A smile slowly crept up my face  but I could see the slight hesitation when he said I love you. I shook my head and told myself I was being silly. After a few laughs and beers I forgot about the conversation.

When dinner ended he offered to walk me home and I replied with a smile.We walked hand in hand, his dry hands felt perfect in mine and I closed my eyes. I could feel his stare on me. I sighed, enjoying the chilly night breeze,  when he suddenly stopped. I opened my eyes slowly and looked up at him but was caught abruptly by his other arm grabbing my waist and pulling me into a nearby bush. I laughed and attempted to shove me away but he wouldn't budge. He began to tug at my shirt and he traced his fingers around my navel sending uncomfortable chills up my body.

"Calvin what are you doing!" I demanded as i tried to keep my shirt on. He grunted and began  ripping my jeans off. He bent down and forcefully kissed me hard and hot on the lips pushing his tongue into my mouth desperately. I tried to scream but I couldn't. I couldn't breathe he was suffocating me! I slapped him hard on the face. Big mistake. He growled and grabbed me by my hair ripping my shirt and bra off in the process. Frightened by what was going on i kicked and waved my arms trying to break free but nothing seemed to work. He was just too strong. My eyes began to water and the last thing i could remember was when he smiled, that perfect boyish smile i once fell for. The one i once dreamt of every night as he placed a finger to his lips and whispered blankly "Shhh...baby i love you" before whacking me in the head with something hard.

I couldnt think of it anymore.

"Look, I'm really sorry if i scared you i didn't mean to i really didn't! Hey! Are you listening? Hello?"

Looking up I realized the beautiful boy, Nathan was talking to me.

"Its ok." I croaked and attempted to smile. He gave me a strange look and then realising my pained expression he softened and said

"Hey come on cheer up! This place is not as bad as you think!"

"You don't know what i've been through" I shivered.

"I've read your files actually, So i have some idea."

I starred at him. Who was he?

Sensing my awkwardness he said "Um...okay urgh...I'm gonna go back to my room. I live next door to you so um...if you need anything just knock on my door" He smiled again and then slowly backed away. Hearing a faint scream from down the hall, I closed my door.

Miranda. You are weak. How can you possibly think of Calvin again? You are a weak girl! I took out my little book and put another mark into it. I haven't thought of the incident for 2 hours. I was doing great but something about that boy...Nathan...He showed some familiar signs...no no no! I shook my head and tried to think of something else. 

Sixteen was supposed to be sweet. I was supposed to be beautiful and happy. But i was not. The idea of home disappeared a few months after that incident when Mother thought it was Father's fault when clearly it was not. I was trying to be a brave girl with my smiling and laughing but each day the pain dug deeper into me and it got worse and worse. I came home to screaming, crying and broken glass. 2 months later my parents divorced and i thought it was all my fault. I blamed myself for all my Mother's tears and my father's broken heart. If only i hadn't gone home with him that night...Things would have been better...

Days past by and i gradually forgot what a smile was, what laughter was and what family was. I hardly ever went home. Only returning to sleep or eat and occasionally for homework. Most days I spent my time at the park under the same tree everyday, Alone.

My friends stopped talking to me after my first week of continuos panic attacks. They weren't really my friends before anyway. 'It didn't really bother me much' i would say trying to convince myself.

I was silly you see, i kept everything inside of me and my busy Mother never bothered to check on me. She was too busy with her own life anyways. I was left money on the counter every week and a note with the same sentence every time 'Spend it wisely' and that was all. The money was never enough and it led me to do bad things like stealing, smoking and that one thing i regret the most.

Then one day my mum came home early and realized i wasn't at home. I hadn't been home for 3 days but she didn't know because she was always so busy. She only realized at 9:00pm, the usual time she checked on me and found me missing. She immediately called me and called my 'friends'. No one picked up and it was only at that moment when Mother felt scared. She called the police to find me. But when they did it was too late. So i thought anyway.  

I had enough. The pain had consumed my body and soul. i didn't want to live anymore, I honestly did not see the point. So I hung myself. But they found me and that was that.

Mother cared for me for about 2 months, sending me to therapists, classes and bought me these CDs to listen to but none of it worked. I was a troubled teenager...

I opened the curtain slightly and peaked. It was a beautiful day.