𝙁𝙍𝙀𝘼𝙆𝙎, 𝘰𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘶 𝘥𝘢𝘻𝘢𝘪

𝘽𝙊𝙉𝙐𝙎 𝘾𝙃𝘼𝙋𝙏𝙀𝙍

"dazai, tell me--are you still suicidal?"

he thought to himself for a moment. "since i met you? nah." he shrugged, going back to drinking from his glass.

"are you lying?" you pushed one of his strands of chocolate brown hair out of his face, revealing his hazy face.

"maybe.. slightly?" his hands covered his face as he sighed. "i don't.. even know." he let out a small chuckle.

his head shook. "yesterday i came in contact with a gun, i debated shooting myself. i had it in my mouth but.. i hesitated. i got annoyed and shot chuuya instead. luckily i missed. i was shaking."

"if you hesitated, that's good. it means you're getting better, slowly."

"no, no it fucking doesn't. if i even thought about it, it means i'm still the same person i was several months ago." he ran his hands through his hair, allowing for you to see his face for even just a minute. "i'm still depressed, that won't change. i've been depressed since i was eight years old. my meds aren't working."

you hugged him from behind in a way to comfort him, you wrapping your arms around his neck as you leaned down to rematch the level he was in whilst sitting in his chair.

"let's go for a walk, alright?"

his head perked up before he remembered it was pouring outside. "it's raining, [f/n]."

you quickly walked away and grabbed an umbrella, showing it to him. he slowly got up, realizing he couldn't fight you and that you would win regardless.

once outside, he began to look at his reflection in the puddles. he couldn't recognize himself. had you changed him this much? this much that he started to take care of himself?

you tried to walk ahead before realizing he was looking at himself, so you backtracked and stopped.

"have i really.. changed that much?"

"you aren't the same dazai you were in the port mafia, you aren't some heartless killer. you have a purpose to live, so make it worth it."

you gave him a soft smile as his eyes finally met yours, he allowed himself to appear weak in front of you. he let you see his glossy eyes as he quickly hugged you. he wasn't aware of how much of an impact you made on him. and you didn't fight him, you let him hug you. everyone has their weaknesses every now and then, and this is a kid who went through a shit ton of trauma as a child, he deserves to have his moments of weakness.

"i really do love you [f/n].. you don't even know how much."

"oh, dazai. you will never know the half of how much i care for you."

the rest of the moment was spent in silence as you hugged him, the noise of rain drops hitting your umbrella.

-

i cannot believe how much love this book has received, i mean, 1.85k reads? that's insane. thank you so much. and not to mention the amounts of reading lists this book has made it into? i cannot imagine how many private libraries this is in. i love every single one of you and figured you deserved a bonus chapter, but from here on out, this book is officially done. thank you tremendously!