The Glass Princess: True To Yourself

Chapter 1 Fresh start, Fresh anxieties

Chapter 1 Fresh start, Fresh anxieties

I'll admit to being scared. Its a big step for me. Suddenly a school girl again, university is daunting but maybe not for the same reason as the people around me. While I studied to do something else, I changed courses and I'm starting from scratch. Lots around me has improved since transitioning. I even somehow met someone else who was also trans at a park one day. We shared Christmas memories together and are now a couple. I've learned to face lots of things on my own, but her being with me was a big help. But in these university classes, it's just me. My girlfriend Naomi wanted to try a biology degree. Whereas I'm doing one for speech pathology... so no subject overlap. So at least till class finishes, I'm on my own today. I can do this. I'm living as a girl now, I can finally be a schoolgirl. I have, what I always dreamed of but I'll admit to being scared. Will the other girls accept me? Will I stick out? I picked a fairly simple outfit so I should be okay.

The classroom was nearly full when I arrived. My stomach got really heavy suddenly. I can do this, I can do this. If I can confront my emotionally absent father I can sit in a class. Lot of people though, I couldn't really discern what they were all saying to each other. I slide into one of the few empty seats and place my bag under the desk. I bring out a little notebook with a picture of some cute ducks on it, opening it up to a blank page. My pens had similar designs. I also brought out a water bottle I've had since childhood. One with a picture of Pengasus, a character from a show very nostalgic for me. I even had a plushie at home of Pengasus. However, the girl sitting next to me glanced at me intensely and looked back to her laptop. My hands began shaking, I wondered if I should block the designs with my fingers so they don't see.... Though doing that doesn't feel right... Regretfully I placed the water bottle under my desk, only bringing it back to the surface to drink from it then go back to hiding it.

The class started slow, icebreaker introductions kinda stuff. Each student was asked to say their name and some hobbies. The hobbies varied but it was mostly the boys who had similar hobbies which put me on edge a bit. The girls there listed watching shows and sports I haven't played for the most part. The girl to my side listed ballet, tv shows and parties as her list. Ballet always seemed fun, I just never had a chance to try it...

I get startled realizing its my turn. "Hi m-my names Emily... I like video games, skateboarding and plushies" I managed to say, despite my voice not being the most clear with some little cracks. My voice hasn't done that in months... why now...

I begin to smile but everyone looked a bit blank, some giving an unnerving look at me. Maybe they know already? Do they? I mean my voice isn't perfect but.. I wanted to hopefully be a regular school girl but this feeling is heavier than I expected. It persisted through most of the lesson. It was scary but I did my best to try to follow the lesson. I couldn't bring myself to ask questions when I got lost. Science isn't my area I'll admit, but I really wanted to try speech pathology... I guess I just didn't want to go back to studying Japanese. But this class is harder than any Japanese lecture I've ever been to. We went over parts of the ear and how they work.... I was lost, verge of tears and didn't know what to do. This is my literal first class and yet...

I vastly underestimated how tough this would be

After class at the university's food court area, I see Naomi and run over to her. She is wearing a black leather crop jacket and ripped jeans in typical fashion for her. She smiled brightly and hugged me when I practically dived in for a hug. "Whoa someones excited, class go okay princess" Naomi askes softly in my ear. "Not... uh really..." I admit softly to her. Naomi loosens the hug to look at my face. "Emily are you okay.. You look like you were crying" Naomi askes with concern. "I uh um..... It was a lot, I just felt like everyone was judging me and it got overwhelming" I explain tearing up again a little. Naomi breathes in and holds my hand. "New things will be hard... but I'm proud of you, you are doing something really really scary and just think where you'll be in a few years! I think, like last christmas things will get better I promise." Naomi explained reassuringly. In the corner of my eye I see people from my class and reactivly look at the floor. What's my deal today, I just feel so on edge. Am I embarrassed about my class knowing I'm trans and dating a girl? Is that it... I felt awful on that realisation. "Emily, hey, everything will be okay, okay?" Naomi explains holding my hand tighter. I look up at her and try to smile. "Thank you... Naomi... I'm just really scared today I guess" I explain to her. "I can buy us some sushi from the store over there if you'd like?" Naomi offers, holding her credit card with her other hand. I nod really quickly happily. The Japanese restaurant was a small building with fairly nice seats, menu's drawn to match a calligraphy aestetic. It was def more traditional than most restaurants I've been to here.

Suddenly I hear the chefs yelling out what customers have ordered in Japanese. We made our way through the line but I just felt a bit on edge in here as well. Briefly I got reminded of various moments in restaurants like this while I was in Japan for a bit. My legs tensed, but took a deep breath. I am not in the past anymore, I am separate from those events, I'm safe. I held Naomi's arm for comfort which helped a lot. We both picked out assortments of sushi that we liked. I've been mixing up the types I get now instead of the same over and over.

"Did your class go better at least?" I ask as we sat down on a simple table with two chairs. Surrounded by some trees and a small garden placed near the food court centre for a nicer atmosphere. Naomi smiled and looked into my eyes. "It was... good, new people are new people but overall went alright I think" Naomi explained happily. "That's good then... hopefully my next class goes better" I reply right before taking a bite out of some of the sushi. "Hey Emily um, a lot is changing for you at once.... University, moving in with me this weekend.... Its a lot.... You'll be okay though" Naomi reassures me as she holds out her hand. I smile back and reach my hand over to hold hers. "You got me alright and I know you, you are braver than you think, princess," Naomi says softly but loud enough I could hear her over the crowded food court. Despite that background noise though, all I could focus on in that moment was her. I hold her hand a little tighter. "Oh also.. I had a look at one of the clubs, they got one for LGBT communities and I thought maybe you'd wanna come with me to check it out tomorrow" Naomi suggests smiling. "They have those!" I reply perking up at the thought of it. Naomi giggles a bit then holds my hand a little tighter. "Yes there is, I know making friends is hard so... maybe this could be our way to expand our social circles" Naomi suggests happily. "That.. sounds cool actually... I'd like that" I reply nervously. "Everything okay?" Naomi askes with concern. "What.. if they don't like me though... its a bit scary..." I mention, shaking a little revealing that insecurity to Naomi. "Look um.. I can't make that scared feeling go away.. I'm feeling it too.... But when I met you, knowing someone was like me that felt really wonderful.. But we will only do what you are comfortable with" Naomi explains smiling. "I'll give it a go" I reply smiling followed by me taking a bite of the sushi. "Tiiiill then though... wanna watch a movie at my house" Naomi askes with a slight blush. "Aaaaaand by that, you mean the usual, my knight" I reply in a semi-teasing tone. But truly my heart fluttered at the thought. "The usual... but with different background noise" Naomi replies with her usual sense of confidence. She stands up and walks over to me offering her hand. I hold it and get guided towards the car to go to her home. We pass a bin and try to discern which bin the packaging goes in for our finished food.

As we headed into the carpark, Naomi's eyes opened wide suddenly and she quickly let go of my hand. This girl with blonde hair walked past with a smirk looking at Naomi. She stops briefly then turns to her group moving a bit quickly to catch up with them. Naomi was still shaking kinda fast, I could tell something happened. I just didn't know what. Naomi and I walk over to the car, she seemed to be trying to keep her composure but her car keys made a lot of noise as she opens the car. I wait for us to sit down and we both close the doors. I admit... I didn't know what to do

This was the first time I've ever seen Naomi afraid...