The Glass Princess: True To Yourself

Chapter 10 People that are like me

Chapter 10 People that are like me

Both me and Naomi stand nervously in front of the club room. The door clearly labeled it as an lgbtq+ safe space. I'll admit to not being as connected with community as I should. For starters I didn't even know what the q part meant? I noted it down in my phone as something to search online later. Both of us did our transitions alone without community. We were isolated from it. I may not know Naomi's reasons, but for me it was fear. I always worried I couldn't be a girl if I publicly interacted with LGBTQ+ communities like this. It was due to fear of not being allowed to be myself. Somehow scared out of heading to the one community that might've accepted me. At that time, gay marrige has only recently been legalized so most lgbt clubs focused purely on gay rights and I had no way to know if they'd accept a trans girl. I had a boyfriend at that time, but it didn't work out. He wouldn't of approved of me being open about being trans anyway.

I guide my hand across a cute little flag attached to the door. The rainbow flag they had however, had additional colours. Additional pink, blue, White, black and brown stripes were added to it. I held Naomi's hand tighter, nearly happily crying again. I guided my fingers across the pink, White and blue parts. I knew these were the colours of the transgender pride flag. I didn't know many of the other flags but I knew this one. These flags were everywhere in the building I had my first councillor appointment. Happy memories come back to me, a cute but big dog approaching me in that councilor building. A younger me in a black hoodie and long hair. Petting the dog as I read signs about transgender rights, pride parades and pieces of art made by young lgbt kids. It was the moment I learnt what the trans flag looked like or even that there was a flag for transgender people. I never identified with the rainbow one. There was nothing ever wrong with it but it never felt like the one to identify with. But what I do know is that moment with that big dog with the flags everywhere was when I knew that a future where I could be a girl was possible.

"You okay?" Naomi askes gently. I breathe out heavily and then turn to her. "I didn't... always feel included when it was just a rainbow flag..... But this just... I like it a lot" I reply with a single tear in my eye. Naomi gently wipes it and smiles. "I think I have a good feeling about this then" Naomi replies as she reaches for the door handle. I nod and we enter.

The splashes of colour was definitely intense as expected. But felt pleasant. There were only 3 people here at the moment but there were enough lounges and seats for at least 40 people. Ethan was taking some photos of someone else posing near the window. He turns around, noticing out entrance. "Hey! Welcome you made it! I'll introduce you" Ethan said enthusiastically as he got the other 2 members attention. A man with red hair and a leather jacket walks over happily. "This is my boyfriend Tristan, he/him" Ethan explained holding Tristans hand happily. "And yeah our names are similar lol" Tristan explains giving a smirk to Ethan. "I CAN PICK WHATEVER NAME I WANT MAN COME ON" Ethan yells back playfully. I nervously shake Tristans other hand as he holds it out. "Oh um... I'm Emily... she/her" I said nervously. I think I'm getting the hang of this. "Naomi she/her" Naomi says confidently. After letting go of the handshake I think back to the door and look over to both Ethan and Tristan. "Hey um.. I wanted to ask... did you guys make the flag at the front? I uh.. Liked it a lot" I nervously ask while tightening my hold on Naomi's hand. "Oh the progress pride one? Yeah that's a newish one. I see it online and at protests. Is it your first time seing it?" Ethan asked. His voice was kind but still genuinely surprised. "Uh yeah basically, I haven't seen much of this stuff yet but... it... made me really happy" I explained nervously but sincerely. Ethan looked like they were processing something then his eyes widen. "Oh... so the additions to the pride flag meant a lot to you... that's really wonderful" Ethan replies happily. After a brief pause I realized what happened. "Oh um, I'm transgender so.... Seeing those colours on the main flag meant a lot to me, I feel a bit safer I guess" I explain nervously. Despite me crying about my experience earlier, I never explicitly came out as trans to him. I think I just assumed he knew. "Oh we have a new trans member cool" A woman a few years older than all of us approaches after closing a book she was reading. "Oh um hi I'm Emily" I said nervously. "Estelle" the woman said proudly. I haven't hear the name before? But I found it really pretty. "You picked out a really pretty one" Estelle said to Naomi. "Oh thanks" Naomi replies while bringing me a little closer to her with my hand held. I look down to see her hand tightening a little. It was a subtle movement but I was being held so I could feel it. "Ethan and I came out sometime last year. So we made efforts to make the club a little trans inclusive." Estelle explains leaning on one of the colourful seats. Her purely dark gothic fashion contrasting with the scenery, but she seemed fully comfortable in this moment. The others begin sitting in nearby seats. Me and Naomi choose a lounge with space for both of us. "Um so this is my first time in an lgbt safe space... what do we do exaclty" I ask nervously. Ethan smiles while bringing out their laptop. "Vibe basically... its like uh..." Ethan begins to explain but is unsure how to continue. "Kinda like a break from cishet nonsense ya know" Tristan interjects confidently. "Yeah, you can just be yourself without any worry" Estelle explains. "Wow that's... kinda cool" Naomi said. She seemed taken a back by this whole experience but in the best way. "So... we just...be, huh..." I say to myself quietly. I look over to Naomi and give her a little smile. Naomi places her arm around me like a stereotypical movie date and moved me closer. I leaned my head on her shoulder. Her shoulder felt nice and soft. Her shoulder has become a place I relax on a lot. "Yeah I like those two" Estelle says as she reopens her book, reclining into her chair. Naomi and I giggle a little, leaning a bit closer. "2 trans girls doing their best found a nice safe space, pretty cool I think" Naomi says gently while playing with my hair. I smile brightly, closing my eyes. I felt safe. Time passed quietly and blissfully. Ethan studying on his laptop. Tristan either writing or drawing something. Estelle reading her book like she owns the place. Me and Naomi sat watching videos on her phone. She gently placed an earphone in my ear. While watching I gently made my self at home on Naomi's shoulder. The short videos we watched varied from cute ducks, surfing videos and skateboard videos. "Have you been skating much?" Naomi askes gently after we watch a couple very extra and over-the-top skating videos. "Here and there... the board isn't dusty anymore" I reply giggling. "And surfing?" I ask Naomi after a brief pause. "Not as much as I'd like, schools been busy.... But I really wanna go this weekend" Naomi explains as she gently plays with my cheeks. "I'll come too then" I reply happily and softly. "Alright, sounds like a plan Princess" Naomi replies gently pushing on my nose. "Grade wise you doing okay?" Naomi askes a bit more quiet than before. "Not really but I've been doing my best" I whisper back. "You'll get there, new field, new you" Naomi whispers as she kisses me on the cheek gently. "Its been nice I think" I explain softly. Naomi perks up and looks into my eyes. "Getting to be a school girl, for the first time publicly and I get to do it with you" I explain while smiling brightly. The room was really calm, I felt safe. From the colourful pride posters, cute bookshelves and a board saying 'welcome' in various languages. I didn't know if it was best to tell them that welcome in japanese was spelt incorrectly. I chose not to worry about it and snuggle into Naomi happily.