The Glass Princess: True To Yourself

Chapter 15 Preserving Memories

Chapter 15 Preserving Memories

We opened the doors, nervously entering. A large assortment of plastic chairs people would use as improvised chiropractic adjustments were in the room. Some of the seats were full. In the distance I saw Dakota talking with some of the girls from her class. She looked happy. I couldn't quite put my finger on the feeling of seeing her giggle and laugh with girls in her class at her age. Naomi held my hand and I heavily exhaled. We begin walking over to where my auntie and some staff stood.

"Emily overhere" my auntie yelled out as I approached. "Hi, sorry if we are a bit early" I explained as we stopped in front of the staff and my auntie. I was taller than all of them but I tried to not think about that too much right now. "Oh hello, glad you could help out, early is better than late" a man in his mid 30's explained as he adjusted his tie slightly. I was fairly certain this was one of my old teachers. He looks fairly different, the full beard is definitely new. "I'll do my best then" I reply nervously. "Yeah, glad your family is still part of this wonderful school community, your brother in particular was a bit of a quiet kid but I hope he is well" He asked with a big smile. "Uh.. its um.. Complicated I guess... well I'm happy to set my camera up here if that works for the play" I reply trying to desperately change the subject. Naomi held my hand tight which helped me feel grounded. My auntie gave a look of concern but quickly jumped to my subject change, showing me where to setup.

Naomi and I brought out a small tripod for phones to use. While setting it up I dropped one of the pieces for it, causing a loud echo sound on the ground. The chatter in the distance got quiet but after a few head turns chatter went back to normal. Right as I pick up the piece, Naomi's hand grabs the piece before me. "You okay?" Naomi asks with a look of concern. She could feel my hands shake so I couldn't exactly brush this off. "Its uh.... I'm just nervous sorry...and you seem nervous too..." I explain softly. Naomi smirks and looks down at the ground. "Yeah I guess you could say I'm nervous too.... But everything will be fine" Naomi explains as we both stand back up. We attach the last part and place my phone on the tripod.

"Noooow we wait" Naomi says as she puts on hand in her pocket. We both look over at the stage. The man from earlier walks over to the students smiling brightly. "Alright girls, head over into the library and get ready to give it your best!" He yells out. The group of girls get excited and run over to the side door of this building that heads to the library. Dakota looks my way and gives me a big wave then runs into the library with her friends. I found my eyes darting around at the crowds of parents slowly making there way in and it was hard not to feel like I was sinking. "Hey... you'll be okay" Naomi whispered in my ear as she held my hand. Despite my hands shaking, I tried to just focus on setting up the camera with Naomi.

"Hey Naomi... can I talk about something?" I ask softly. "Of course, what's on your mind" Naomi replies calmly, giving me a reassuring look. I let myself take a little deep breath and look into Naomi's eyes. "I don't know what I'm feeling... like I'm happy for Dakota but... the thoughts of what could've been for me back then hurt too..." I explain softly. "I.. see a lot of myself in Dakota.... Its really like seeing what life really could've been like and I just... want the jealousy feeling to go away so I can just be happy that she didn't have to experience what I did..." I explain softly. "I think if we aren't jealous of newer generations of trans people then things haven't gotten better.... I know it hurts emily, it hurts me too that we both didn't get this level of acceptance but.... Its kinda beautiful that the worlds become kinder" Naomi explains tenderly while tucking my hair behind my ear. I gave it a moment to think. She was right even if its hard. I gave a slight pout but gave myself another deep breath to keep composure. "Then.. lets do our best recording this play... so Dakota can always remember this..." I reply with more confidence than before. I point the camera to centre stage and smile. Naomi does a slight giggle and holds both my hands to keep the tripod nice and steady. "Least we can be in this room as girls publicly now... it feels... really nice" I gently say softly. "No more tucking in uniform shirt for assemblies... the world is truly healing" Naomi replies chuckling lightly. I join in with her laughter. "The only good part was we got to hold hands, since we were always buddies when we had to walk in lines for assembly" I reply happily. Naomi laughs a little hard, her grip gets stronger. "Didn't you tell the teacher that you could only hold my hand due to... what was the excuse you gave to only hold my hand?" Naomi askes, trying not to laugh too loudly. "Oh..." I reply sharply starting to laugh again, I almost could cry from this laughter. "I think I said it was a rare disease only I could get?" I explained trying so hard not to be too loud, luckily the show hasn't started yet. "Wait so you gave me your imaginary disease? That's unfair, why me" Naomi replies, barely holding it together. Our noses we touching but the air was still high energy and chaotic. It almost felt like, nothing else was around us. Almost as if we had this one school hall to ourselves, a space to ponder the plot holes in my 5 year old mind's reasons to hold my kindergarten crushes hand. "Well we already held hands when we played pretend right, so if I had the imaginary disease then that must mean you would be immune" I explaining still laughing but admittingly a little embarrassed at this point. "Immune? I built an immunity? Wow, 5 year old me was something else" Naomi replies beginning to calm to energy back down but with a hint of sarcastic sass. "Thank you for your service, you have saved your classmates" I reply in a slightly lower pitch silly voice. Naomi giggles after hearing it. "I did it all to save my princess" Naomi replies in a calm composure, giving an intimate look. I audiblly gasped and my cheeks went bright red. Our noses touched a little. Naomi gives me a soft kiss and grins straight after. "This conversation... I needed that I think..." I reply softly as I shyly held my hands together. "Happy to help princess... its really sweet you went out of your way to hold my hand... even then.. I think you were more true to yourself than you give yourself credit for back then" Naomi replies with a reassuring smile and places a hand on my shoulder. "You're right.... You are so right... from the princess knight pretend game we had.... From how I gave reasons I could only hold your hand......... I really did always know.... I'm getting better at forgiving my youngerself.. I always knew... it just wasn't safe back then...... if I had the environment Dakota had, I'd of gotten to be a primary school girl.... It really was the environment huh..... I'm happy I finally realize that more and more.... And each time I confront that... it becomes a little bit easier to know that... I did all I could... and now I can do my best... as I always have, as myself" I explain slowly but with confidence. "You've grown a lot, the princess has learnt a lot since leaving her castle... most importantly, I think you have learnt self love" Naomi explains gently. She gently boops my nose and giggles. "A self loving princess" She continues. "I do love myself, plushies addiction and all" I reply confidently. Naomi rushes in for a hug. "I'm so proud of you" Naomi whispers in my ear. "We all have things we are working on... and you've made a lot of progress Emily.... As for me... I guess I need to figure out how to not let Alice bother me while on campus" Naomi explains tightening the hug at the end. I could feel her tense up at the mere mention of Alice. "Everything will be okay... but its okay if it hurts.." I whisper reassuringly. I notice the people in the play getting into position to start soon. Naomi hears this and we release the hug, get into position to film. "Hey um... Naomi... if you wanna talk about what's on your mind tonight after all this.... I'm here for you too" I explain confidently. Naomi breathes in and holds my hands as we position the camera where the lead actress is. "..thank you Emily... that means a lot... I'll get us some sushi on the way back" Naomi explains happily and with a sense of relief. "I'd love that.... Well, even if this is a little different.... Lets film something, like we did before" I reply in a determined voice. "Lets film a show that no one will ever forget" Naomi replies with the same level of determination. We both nod in unison. We had no idea what the play would be like, but we made sure the camera followed each actor as they were speaking. Dakota's character, often would suddenly run in from the side to do a few lines then hide behind various tree props to jump out again. The play was fairly comedic and high energy. Me and Naomi tried to not laugh too hard so it doesn't get in the recording. Throughout the show, we would glance back at each other happily.

In this moment, my jealousy no longer matter. All I felt was joy for the kindness that allowed me to see my trans cousin, be herself in the school play.