Harry Potter 2

Introduction

Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. Now, Hairy Otter-

"MY NAME IS HARRY POTTER YOU BEEPING JERK!"

Do I know? Well yes- but do I care? No. Anyways Harry was a super poor child whose parents died somehow and has been living under his aunt and uncle's, Mr. and Mrs. Dursley's, stairs. They both appear to hate him very much and like to keep him as a slave. But whatever! Who cares? Anyways, Harry has been living in his parent's basement- uhh I mean house, in a literal cemetery until some crazy bald noseless dude just went to their home and killed them all except Harry, who magically survived because of so-called love protection or whatever that no one cares about, other than Harry himself because he keeps bragging about it to everyone who would listen (which is like, no one). 'Oh! I got this super cool new lightning-shaped scar!' and 'Oh! My parents are dead from a super dangerous wizard dude so that technically makes me batman!' and all that.

"HEY! HEY! STOP TALKING BAD ABOUT ME!" Harry yelled to the narrator.

Okay! Okay! Geez whiz, kid! You gotta chill bro!

"I'm. NOT. A. KID!!!"

Yeah, sure, whatever.

Anyways Harry somehow goes into this magic school called hogbags or whatever.

"HOGWARTS!"

And he learns this abracadabra stuff along with Ronnie Weasel, Hermy Girl Ginger, Chose Chain, Gregory Gorilla, Marco Flinch Polo, Penelope Colouredwater, Genie Weasel, Padimas Patilas, Paravati Patilas, Romilda Vine, Angelika Jonathan, Loony Lovebird, Freddie Weasel, Georgee Weasel, Cedig Dig-a-lot, Olive Wood, Draculaura Mia Khalifa, Newhile Longbutts, Pantsy Park-(cars)-in-(the)-sun, Creepy Madonny- oh sorry wrong name! And Seashell Finnish-guy, Havana About, Vincent Van Crab, Suzana Bonnie, Dear Thomas, and Purple Brown. Purple Brown or Purple Amber? Oh well, who cares about some stupid kid's name?

"HEY, YOU GOT ALL OF THE NAMES WRONG!! IT'S NOT PURPLE BROWN, IT'S LAVENDER BROWN!!!" Harry freaked out.

Yeah whatever, same color, just different shades.

"AND MY POOR DARLING GINNY! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HER NAME???!!!"

Yeah yeah, I get your point. Shut up now.

So apparently, there are supposed to be a lotta other characters in this stupid story, but I'm too lazy to go through all of their names. So these are some important (or not) characters to know in order to, you know, get the story going, I guess.

Remember this bald noseless freak I told you about who killed Harry's parents and stuff like that? Yeah? His name, apparently, is Mouldymort. But people are too much of a chicken to call him that so people call him You-Know-Poo.

So he also meets this headmaster of Hogba-

"HOGWARTS!!!"

Yeah yeah sure. So this headmaster dude is called Poofessor Abus Dumb-o-door. And there is this potion master called Poofessor Sniffalot Snake. And Poofessor Quarantine Squirrel, Poofessor Minnie Mcgonnagiveyouup, Poofessor Proposing S. Poop, and Poofessor F**kin' Flick-a-fly, Pooping Pom-pom, Aurelia Flich, and there's this creepy house elf who will do anything to snog Harry Potter called Madonny but Donny for short, there are these dudes who are also in love with Harry (so much that they'll die for him) called Remove-cuss Johnny Loopin', Alaska "Mad-eye" Moody (I don't need to "edit" his name much cuz it's already cringe enough on its own), Numpy-Dora-the-explorer Tanks, Serious Dark Brown, annnnnddddddd- ok that's enough.

These people are gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Alright, see you in the next chapter.

Seriously. Stop reading.

Stop reading!

Stop reading right now you blithering idiot!