Poofessor Dumbo went up the stage thingie and cleared his throat for a dramatic welcome speech, "Welcome students, to this wonderful school of Witchcraft and Wizardry where you are super safe and definitely won't die. Well, except for a tree that can strangle you, and maybe a handful, well, ten thousand life eaters-"
"CUT!" Harry said to the narrator, "life eaters?"
Yeah, if they're called death eaters, they eat the death out of you and you live. But if they are called life eaters, they eat the life out of you and you die. See?
"Okay find that makes more sense. Continue, Dumbo."
"-life eaters of Moldymort waiting to kill you any moment, and maybe a chamber with a super deadly snake called the Poosilik inside,*whisper* By the way, Snake, my love, when are you going to kill me? *normal voice* and maybe a giant spider called Aragon. Okay, maybe Aragon from Lord of the Rings. Plus, this year there's an imposter among us, and we don't even know what he's up to, who is, or if it is a he at all! And maybe-"
"TROLLS! TROLLS IN THE DUNGEONS! AND THERE'S A TROLL IN MY TURBAN-" Poofessor Squirrel ran into the Great, Magnificent, Fantastic, Amazing, Breathtaking, Awesome, Splendid, Grand, Monumental, Glorious, Beautiful, Majestic, Lavish, Impressive, Sumptuous, Imposing, Resplendent, Fabulous, Marvellous,Wonderful, Amusing, Lovely, Delightful, Enjoyable, Pleasant, Thrilling, Excellent, Terrific, Cool, Impre- I think I already said impressive, Brilliant, Enormous Hall, and he fainted right on the floor.
Abus looked at Poofessor Squirrel gratefully, "Yeah, and maybe dangerous mountain trolls that we force- uhh... ADVISE AGAINST! Yes, good one, trolls that we advise against the first idiots to kill, and maybe some dangerous-"
"Okay! Okay! That's enough! Thank you for your kind speech!" Poofessor Mcgonnagiveyouup pushed him to the side.
*First idiots screaming and running everywhere*
Dracula ran up to Abus and yelled, "MY FATHER WILL HEAR ABOUT THIS!" He walked away and continued screaming.
Pantsy ran up to him and said, "DRA-DRA! LET'S SNOG!" (I sincerely apologize if you're eating)
And then they snogged for fifteen hours and that's that. Hermy girl commented, "What an idiot!" and looked at Ronnie, who was snogging Purple Brown.
The Grumpy Window ghost, Sir Nigolas de Pepsi Poopington, Aka Nearly Buttless Nick, was cursing the Buttless Hut under his breath. Percy Michael Jackson Wheezel scolded Nearly Bottomless guy,
"Don't curse in front of the first idiots! You beep!"
"EVERYONE, STOP!" Abus yelled. Everyone stopped and looked at him.
"I know this is really disturbing, all of this, and it is probably gonna go all in my permanent record and ruin my reputation (which is already crappy enough so it can't possibly get worse), But don't worry!"
"Don't worry? You're telling us not to worry?"
Abus grit his teeth and inhaled, "Yeah, because other people are going to do the most dangerous stuff, not me! So you know, it isn't, that bad... right guys?... Guys?"
*People throwing rotten food at Abus*
YOU ARE READING
Harry Potter 2
FanfictionThis goddamn series took 10 years, 9 Weasleys, 8 movies, 7 books, 6 Hogwarts years, 5 escapes, 4 directors, 3 friends, and 2 dumbledores to make. This must be good! Or is it? The Malfoy family is really bad at naming their kids. I mean, come on! Dra...
