Maybe

Chapter 61 left her there Just now

_Ethan_

Staying away from her was supposed to be easy. I'd done it before—kept people at a distance, shut myself off when it got too messy. But with her? It felt impossible. Every time I tried to step back, something pulled me toward her.

I knew I wasn't what she needed. I told myself that over and over again. She was light and warm—everything I didn't deserve to touch. And yet, no matter how much I told myself to stay away, I'd find myself slipping.

It started with the little things. Every time I saw her, I felt the walls I'd built cracking, piece by piece.

I ignored her texts, pretended I didn't notice her walking by, and focused on my work. But then I saw her struggling with her lock late one night. I didn't think twice before I was at her door, fixing it for her. She hadn't even asked. She looked at me, her big, curious eyes silently questioning why I kept showing up. I didn't have an answer, so I left as soon as the lock was fixed.

She was in every breath I took, every thought I had, and every fucking choice I made. And even though she wasn't aware of it, I was constantly one step behind her, making sure she was alright, despite my best efforts to keep my distance.

The first time I caught her talking to that guy—Ryan—my chest tightened in a way I couldn't explain. I told myself it was nothing. She could talk to whoever she wanted. It wasn't my business. But then I saw her laugh at something he said; I saw the way her smile lit up her face, and it was like a punch to the gut. I had no right to feel that way, but it didn't stop me from being irritated.

That day in the elevator, I'd told myself to keep quiet, to let her have her moment. But when she started praising him and teasing me, I lost it. My resolve cracked. Before I knew it, I'd stopped the elevator, leaned in too close, and kissed her like my life depended on it. She didn't push me away, and that scared me more than anything.

After I kissed her, her cheeks flushed, and she looked at me with this mixture of surprise and something else I couldn't quite place.

And then there were the flowers. I'd watched her throw them away with a huff, mumbling something about allergies. I'd smirked to myself, relieved they weren't from me—though the thought of someone else sending them made my jaw tighten.

After that, I tried to stay away. I really did.

And then there was the night at the restaurant. Seeing her with another guy, I'd nearly lost it. When I signaled her to meet me in the washroom, I knew I was crossing a line. But when she walked in, looking at me with that mix of frustration and curiosity, I couldn't hold back.

I'd kissed her again, ignoring every warning bell in my head. The way she melted into me, the way her lips moved against mine—it was everything I shouldn't want but couldn't resist.

I told myself I was doing it for her, to keep her safe. That's what I wanted to believe. But the truth? I was selfish. Every time I tried to push her away, I ended up pulling her closer instead.

The night she stayed at her mother's house was supposed to give me some distance, but I'd caught myself leaning against the kitchen counter, biting into an apple, barely able to hold back my smile as her mother scolded her. She glared at me, and I couldn't help but provoke her further, making her cheeks flush in that way I couldn't get enough of.

When her mother asked me to convince her about the dates, I shrugged it off, teasing her instead. It was easier to joke than to admit I didn't want her on those dates either.

Her smile—it had a way of undoing me; I'd do anything to see it again.

Then there was the time she laughed—really laughed—at something her friend said while we were walking past the park. It wasn't even directed at me, but it was like the sound wrapped itself around my chest and squeezed. It was warm and carefree, something I hadn't felt in years. I hated how much I wanted to hear it again.

Every time I'd teased her, she'd muttered something sarcastic under her breath and gave me a half-smile. It wasn't even a full grin, but the corners of her mouth quirked up just enough to make my day feel lighter. I caught myself smirking in return before I turned away, annoyed at how easily she could affect me.

When we sat together at her mother's table and she was pretending to listen to her mom's complaints, she'd glance at me every now and then. Her lips twitched like she was holding back a laugh at some private joke. I didn't know what it was about, but seeing her like that—her eyes sparkling, her shoulders relaxed—it made the chaos in my head quiet down.

She made me feel... safe. Like maybe, just maybe, I wasn't as broken as I thought.

And it wasn't just the smiles. It was the way she scrunched her nose when she was concentrating too hard. The way her eyes softened when she was lost in thought. The way she bit her lip when she was nervous, completely unaware of how much it drove me crazy.

She was everything I didn't know I needed, and that scared the hell out of me. Because the more I wanted her, the more I felt like I could never let her have me.

But every smile, every laugh, every fleeting glance—it all made me selfish. It made me want to see it all again, to be the reason behind it.

She didn't know it, but she was my peace in a way I'd never expected. And as much as I tried to stay away, her smile kept pulling me back, over and over again. 

I got the call as I was about to settle in for the evening. Nina's father, Michael, had tracked Aiden's location. The urgency in his voice was unmistakable, and though I wanted to stay longer with her—God, how much I wanted to stay—I knew I had to go. I left her alone with her mother, convincing myself she'd be safe and that this was the right call.

The drive to the security office was agonizingly slow. Traffic had come to a standstill, cars honking and people shouting in frustration. I gripped the steering wheel tighter, my foot tapping against the car floor as I wanted the line of vehicles to move.

Then my phone rang again. Michael's voice came through, tense and hurried. "Ethan, Aiden's at wife's place."

His words hit me like a punch to the gut. My hand froze, hovering over the gear shift. I felt a cold wave rush over me, my knuckles turning white as I gripped the phone tighter.

"Ethan?" Michael's voice was sharp now, demanding. "What's wrong? Why aren't you saying anything? Is she not at work?"

I swallowed hard, my throat dry as sandpaper. "You... you couldn't reach her?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper, trying to sound calm when everything inside me was shattering.

"No, I couldn't. What's going on? Ethan!"

"She's there," I said, my voice steadier than I felt.

"What do you mean she's there?" Michael's voice was rising now, a mixture of confusion and alarm.

"She's at the house... and so is Nina." My words came out flat, emotionless, but inside, my chest was caving in.

Both lines fell silent. A heavy, unbearable pause stretched between us, thick with unspoken fears.

I tightened my jaw, fighting the urge to slam my fist against the steering wheel. My insides were bursting, screaming at me for leaving her. I had just left her there, assuming she'd be fine. And now...

"Ethan," Michael finally broke the silence, his voice trembling. "Get her. Now."

"I'm on my way." I hung up, not waiting for a response, and swerved the car into the emergency lane.

I didn't care about the blaring horns or the angry shouts from other drivers. All I could think about was her—her smile, her voice, the way she looked at me as I said goodbye.

And the crushing thought, I left her there. Just now..