Water under the bridge

Part 4: The days after

Part 4: the days after

It's been 42 hours since I left her standing in the door at the Inn looking sexy as hell. I wanted to go see her the day after, but Abe woke me up early asking me to come to the cop-shop and help him with his case. So here I am, still helping him, not having had a moment to even call her, let alone go see her. Even though I have been busy, my mind still wanders to her. Always present in my thoughts, dreams, fantasies. I wonder what she is doing. She must be mad at me for leaving her like that, and then didn't hear anything from me. Panic hits me, when suddenly I remember Mark. He was clearly very interested in her and I have just given her a reason to turn to him, because of me ghosting her. Just the thought of her with any other man makes me sick with jealousy and brings out my very possessive side. She never liked that side of me. She has seen it before with Roman. What she doesn't know is, that it is some sort of protection mechanism to hide my insecurities. I have always been afraid to lose her. Afraid that she will discover that I'm not enough for her and then leave me. I must sound pathetic, but she has no idea the effects she has on man. She has this way of getting under his skin. Leaving you wanting more and more. You can just ask Roman, Stefano, Tony. And now she has finally discovered that I wasn't who she thought I was, and my greatest fear is now a reality. All thanks to myself..on one else but me. I need to go now and make amends. I tell Abe that I will call him later while I run out the door.

I returned Mark's call later during the day. I hadn't heard a thing from John which left me furious and deeply sad. Mark asked me to go to the
movies the same night and I accepted. I had a great time at the movies. Mark is a very sweet and handsome man who any woman would be lucky to have by her side. My mind flirted with the thought of what it would be like to have sex with him. But I know that no man will ever compete with John, not in bed, not in life. When we said goodbye I let him kiss my cheek. And then I went home to my lonely room at the Inn.
Now it's been almost 48 hours and still no word from John. I'm driving myself crazy. I'm so mad at him and I don't know what to do with myself. He must not be aware of the effects he has on me or any woman for that matter. He has been with many women between our 2 marriages and he left all of them wanting more, becoming crazy with jealousy and mistrust. He is a very handsome man, not only his looks but his soul is so beautiful it outshines his physique. He is a gentleman, strong but very gentle, loyal, loving, he would do anything for the people he loves. One time during a heated discussion he yelled at me in pure desperation " Doc... don't you know by now that I would walk through the gates of hell, just to spend one more day with you"!! I believed him then and to some point, I still do. Who the hell does he think he is, leaving me standing at the door wanting more and then never call me or come to se me! I feel my anger towards him stir again, so I decide to go for a run just to get this feisty mood out of my system. It's early in the evening and not dark yet so I decide to run through the park. Some children are playing soccer and I can't stop thinking about Brady. He used to be mommy's boy, wanting me close all the time. I don't know what suddenly changed between us. Maybe he doesn't think I love him as much as my other children and his sudden hatred for me is to protect himself from such a horrible thought. But I do love him very much and I will talk to him and tell him over and over until he believes me. I run towards the pier. The sun is setting, leaving the sky orange and purple. This beautiful place where we share so many memories. Our reunion comes to mind, and 1 year later when we admitted that our feelings for each other were still very much alive and threatening to resurface with such an intensity we wouldn't be able to control ourselves.
I keep running, it's almost dark now and I need to go back. Rounding a corner I don't see where I'm going, I run into someone and fall to the ground.

I suddenly fall to the ground, not knowing what or who hit me. It takes me a second to clear my mind and then it hits me....her smell. I look up and see her laying on the ground, crying from pain while grabbing her ankle. I get up quickly and go to her, reaching for her I say "God Doc are you ok!" She looks at me, baffled with tears in her eyes. I can't stand to see her in pain, not physical or emotional. I ask her if she can stand but trying to do so, she falls into my arms.