Water under the bridge

Part 7: Water under the bridge

Part 7: Water under the Bridge

Forgiveness....it's a strange thing...so easy to ask for but so hard to give. I have asked to be forgiven plenty of times, both by the people I love but also by God. And I have had to forgive myself.
Forgiveness is easier said than done, but when you love somebody so much that life without them is not even an option, you have to learn to forgive. We are only human, we can't go through life being perfect all the time, and we can't keep punishing the people we love for the mistakes they have made. We are both a perfect example of that, if we weren't so damn human, our affair never would have happened and our sweet Belle never would've been born. That is why I forgive John, because I need him in my life as my husband, my friend, my confidant as my lover. And I forgive myself for not believing in us. For leaving him and our lives when things got tough. Sometimes our instincts and impulses take over, leaving you with guilt and regrets, and it's just easier to run away from it than to face the mistakes you have made, and the people you have hurt.
I clear my throat to prepare what I'm about to say. But before I even begin he sits down next to me and takes my hands in his, as he starts to speak.

"Marlena...I don't remember much of my life before I met you sweetheart, but I have spent the rest of it loving you. And I will keep loving you till the end of my days." I need to tell her how I feel, what she means to me, to try and make her understand that we are meant for each other. By some miraculous way I found my way to Salem and to her. She is my first memory from my arrival here and since that first time, I have only truly loved her. We have both been with other people but it was always her. When we weren't together it always felt like something was missing in my life...a piece of my heart and soul.
She doesn't say anything, but I see her tears trying to escape her eyes so I continue. " We have been apart before, but we always find our way back to each other. And when we aren't together I'm just a shell off the man you know. I walk around like a zombie just trying to get through life. The fact is I need you a whole lot more than you need me....I need your back in my life. These mouths have been hell for me. I know I'm to blame, but I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me for being such a fool and not be man enough to fight for you, for us. I can't bear it if I ever lost you again and that's a fact. Doc... You are everything to me, everything."
I pause to take a deep breath and to try and read her. What is going on in that pretty head of hers.?

He moves me so.. this big strong manly man is the most caring and loving man you will ever find. His words go straight to my heart. And I can't hold my tears any longer. I love this man, I have loved him since the first time we met. He didn't know who he was but I didn't care, I just loved him. And when we were torn apart by horrible circumstances, I still loved him. I simply never stopped. He is right, by some mysterious way we always find each other.
With everything we have been through, the obstacles, the pain and sorrow, the people and life circumstances which have kept us apart, it's all Water Under The Bridge. It doesn't matter because we are together now and forever... for eternity.
I need to respond to his words, completely forgetting what I wanted to say when he stopped me. " John..our love has always been complicated, but it has always been pure. We have overcome more than anybody I know and here we are. You once told me that what we share is so special, that one would be so lucky if they got to experience it just once in a lifetime. I know what you meant by that, even though I didn't want to acknowledge it at the time. You told me that it was inevitable, that we would be together and you were so right. I tried my best to push you away and make myself believe that I didn't love you...well we both know how that went" I give him a little smile and continue. "Truth is I have loved you since I first laid my eyes on you, even when I thought you might be Stafano. People think I fell in love with you because I thought you were Roman. But they couldn't be more wrong. I loved you simply because of you...the man that you were and are. The best father, a great and loving man and one amazing lover. When Roman came back I tried with all my might to forget our love but never could, because you were never out of my thoughts..you were never out of my heart. I love you". I need to kiss him right now, so I lean forward towards his awaiting lips. I lightly brush my lips against his before I capture his mouth with all the emotions that the memories of the past have brought back. It's a passionate and tender kiss, not filled with hunger. We both take our time exploring each other's mouths. It's a beautiful thing, to be able to express what's in our hearts through this intimate gesture. When we break apart, only stop to catch our breath, our foreheads rest against each other. Pure love fills my heart and the air around us. Staying this way I whisper "John...I hope you can forgive me too. We haven't handled this situation perfectly, but I know in my heart that this was just a bump in the road through our amazing love story.... I love you so much it's just ridiculous" I can't help but laugh, because it really is ridiculous, it's like a teenage crush that just keeps going, way into my forties. "I don't know what I was thinking when I left the penthouse, clearly I wasn't thinking straight because I know that when we are together we can overcome anything in our way. No evil or obstacle is a match for our love.  We have always been a team. Nothing or nobody ever could, or never will tear us apart. You have saved me so many times over the years, I don't even know how to thank you. You have sacrificed your own life for me countless times. You even offered 100,000$ just to dance with me" I smile as I remember that night so clearly. I had just broken my marriage vows to Roman. I was trying so hard to forget my love for John and forget what happened on the plane. And then he showed up and told me he wanted me again. He would take me on whatever terms I asked, but I wasn't ready to take the leap. Even though I knew he would be there to catch me.

I can't help but laugh thinking back at my endless pursuit of her. I must have been quite annoying but I just couldn't help myself. But as I have said so many times before, she just makes me crazy and I can't think straight when she is in my orbit.
I still have things I need to tell her. I move my hand to her face and my thumb gently wipes away her tears. " Honey.. you don't need to ask for my forgiveness, there is nothing to forgive. You have always believed in me even during times when I didn't even believe in myself. You have saved me countless times. When Roman came back I lost everything. I was so close to putting a gun to my head but it was your love that stopped me. I often think to myself that I don't deserve you, you are way over my league. But the truth is you make me complete." I pause for a second. "I'm so sorry for the last couple of months and I will spend the rest of my life trying to make up for it...if you know what I mean" I give her a flirtatious wink. " I love you so much baby.." I put my hand under her chin and tilts her head up, so I can look at her angelic face. Her eyes are red from her tears, her hair is a morning mess but she has never looked more beautiful than in this moment. It's been an eventful and emotional morning so I start to think about what I can do for her, to make up for everything and to make a new beginning.
" Listen, I'm gonna have a quick shower, so why don't you stay here and enjoy your croissant and now cold coffee". She starts to laugh, her smile reaching her eyes for the first time in months, and then I realize that even if she wanted to, she couldn't do anything but stay put, due to her bad foot. I join her laughing and walk towards the bathroom. Stopping by the bed to discharge my clothes. It's just so normal for me to undress in front of her, I don't give it another thought until I hear her say " Take it slow and let me enjoy" followed by the laughter of a seductress. Her wish is my command so I put on a little strip show, just for her. I look over my shoulder, before entering the bathroom, and see her lust filled, smiling face.