Water under the bridge

Part 6: The trouble

Part 6: The Trouble

Oh I'm in trouble...I see her through the half open door to the bathroom, getting undressed. She is struggling not to put weight on her foot, and I'm tempted to offer my help undressing her,
but she is not aware of my spying eyes. I have always loved seeing her undress, unaware of me watching. She is so elegant and delicate. The way her fingers work, the way her body moves. I feel my pants start to tighten, and a moan leaves my lips. Her hair is pinned on top of her head in a loose ponytail. She is in the shower now and I move a little to get a better view of her rinsing the soap off her body. Again I find me self thinking, why do I keep exposing myself to the torture of watching and not being able to act. The pain in my pants is getting unbearable. I see her carefully coming out of the shower, droplets  moving slowly down her body, caressing her curves. I envy every single drop. I'm feeling dizzy, my blood has left my head and went straight to my groin. Shit.. She looks in the mirror and sees me staring back at her.

I know he has been watching me, he always liked doing that. I have been pretending not to notice... if he could only see the moist between my legs he would know. It's not easy moving around with this ankle, but I try my best to moisturize my body, putting on pants seems like an obstacle that I'm not interested in taking upon me right now. So my robe will have to do. Realizing that the sofa is to far away for me to walk to, I take a deep breath and call for help. "John can you please help me to the sofa, I don't think I'm able to hump all the way". His answer doesn't come as a surprise. " off cause hunny, in just a minute". I know his pants are probably very tight right now and he is not capable of moving. I can't help but laugh out loud.

She knows me too well and knows my reason for not jumping to her rescue right away. I have been caught and burst into laughter with her. I stand and walk towards her. She almost has a halo around her, and I get the feeling of what it must be like to walk towards the gates of heaven. Coming to stand in front of her, I give her a shy smile and ask if she is ready, before I sweep her in my arms and carry her to the sofa. She drapes her arm around my neck and holds on tight, my stomach flutters by her simple move. I lower her onto the sofa and sit by her side. Nothing is being said between us, only our bodies communicate. I lean back and so does she. She puts her feet in my lab and my hands immediately grab them and start to give her a gentle foot rub, careful not to put too much pressure on her bad foot. She sighs with satisfaction and closes her eyes. I do the same. This is just so familiar and it gives me peace, I feel whole again and for the first time in months I feel positive that we will be alright.

I know we need to have "the talk" but right now his hands are working their magic. I feel so relaxed but the small voice in my head is keeping me from enjoying this too much.
It started so innocently but after 10 minutes I feel his hands start to wander up my legs. I open my eyes, to give him a look of disapproval but his are still closed. "John..." I say with a small voice and he almost jumps from the sofa. He says he's sorry and it's just pure muscle memory. I know what he means by that. It's our bodies not being able to be so close, it's like they have a mind of their own, so acquainted with each other that they automatically seek and touch places we know will bring the other the most pleasure. I look at the clock and it's past midnight. I tell John to help me to bed, which he does without any further questions. He tucks me in, kisses my forehead and leaves me. I'm tempted to stop him and have him sleep next to me but again I don't trust our bodies to not gravitate towards each other and I'm certain that will only cause more trouble.

I can't sleep. She has been asleep for 2 hours now, but I have been tossing and turning on this uncomfortable sofa. A feeling is creeping in on me, a feeling I haven't felt in years. I felt it when we lived together at the mansion, I was with Kristen and trying to hide my feelings for Marlena. I so desperately wanted to tell her how I felt, but I didn't think she felt the same way about me. So I just watched her, dreamed about her and did everything possible to keep her close to me, to protect her. I would rather have her in my life as a friend, than not have her at all. And that's what I'm doing now. I'm not gonna push her. I will just be here by her side, help her, show her that she can trust me not to turn my back on her again. I will stay through all the obstacles on our way back to each other, no matter how much she might fight me on it.
I fight the urge to go watch her sleep, another favorite thing of mine to do. I hear sounds coming from her...I think she is having a nightmare, so I go to her. Through the years nightmares have haunted her peaceful sleep. Nightmares about being taken by Stefano, being trapped down the pit by Stella, Orpheus and most being locked away by Kristen. My heart aches by the fact that people have put her through such horrible things... no woman as good as her should ever have to experience those kinds of ordeals. I couldn't protect her, even though I did my best. I still blame myself for the things she went through and that is why it hurt so much that I'm the reason for her current heartache. I crawl onto the bed and take her in my arms. That's what I usually do when things come back to haunt her. Instinctively she snuggles close to me, laying her head in the crock of my neck. I say nothing, I just hold her and hope the nightmare stops. My eyes start to feel heavy, and soon sleep overcomes me.