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SURE, MAYBE ONE WOULD SAY SEBASTIAN WAS IN LOVE WITH IAN GALLAGHER. but sebastian milkovich wouldn't. seb did everything he could to deny it. he wouldn't love anyone, he can't love anyone. the last time he did he got hurt, and seb didn't want that to happen again.
sebastian can't go spiralling back down that rabbit hole alex parker dug four years ago. he just can't. sebastian won't let himself. nothing annoyed the noirette more than the topic of love. sebastian refused to believe what he felt towards ian gallagher was actually love, he just keeps reminding himself that he can't love, he doesn't know the feeling and he never has.
maybe he'll convince himself.
it was probably the worst time he could've realized he was probably in love with his best friend, because it put down his mood for rest of the night. him and ian never ended up doing anything but hanging out in 'his' room at the milkovich house. mickeys bed was relatively small, but neither really cared that much.
this was one of the reasons he didn't hook up with guys as much as girls, because every time he thought back to alex and it fucked him up. he knew ian was different, but that didn't mean sebastian wouldn't end up hurt in the end.
sebastian had his arms around ian's shoulders, and the two were both laying on their sides facing each other. ian's face was buried against the noirette's chest with his arms around sebastian's waist. the noirette couldn't sleep, as much as he tried to. he just couldn't.
he stared ahead into the dark abyss of the room, there was pretty much no light due to clouds flooding the sky. sebastian let his hand ruffle ian's red hair as he slept, trying to think of a way to make himself sleep. sebastian didn't usually struggle with sleep often, only when he had something on his mind.
ian was spending a lot of time with sebastian at the milkovich house — or the other way around with seb at ian's house. and seb didn't know how to feel about it. it felt like they were a couple a lot of the time and it always resulted in sebastian backing away when the intimacy levels got too high for his liking.
it was all too much.
sebastian shot up from his laying position, his eyes glossing over. he forgot to take his meds that day so his emotions were all over the place. "hey." he heard ian's tired voice mumble, and sebastian didn't even realize he woke the red head up.
"sorry." seb whispered, staring at the dark figure next to him.
"don't worry about it. are you alright?" ian muttered, his voice raspy from just waking up.
