Pokemon: The Queen of Kalos

Heart to Heart

As always, thanks for all the support and lovely comments! I say it time and time again: you all are the best!

~

Alone in the woods after the cold night, Ash was still lost in thought. He couldn't stop replaying the battle with Wulfric over and over in his mind, thinking about how he could've done things differently. Instead, he let his beloved Pokemon partners faint one after the other and completely lost.

He thought he was getting stronger. Even though he had lost many gym battles and even league matches in the past, none stung quite as bad as this. And without Zenith there to cheer him on or reassure him, it felt like a part of himself was missing; even though he would've felt bad losing while she was watching, too.

It felt like he had let everyone down. His friends, his Pokemon, and most of all, himself.

"Ash? Ash, where are you!?" He heard a familiar voice in the distance, watching as Serena stepped out of the woods and found him. "Ash! There you are! Have you been out here the whole night? You must be freezing! What's wrong?"

He looked up at her, just to look away a moment later. His hands had gone numb a long time ago, but he knew he'd survive. It was hard to face anyone when he felt like a failure- a naive and overzealous kid who didn't know his limits until it was too late.

"Ash..." Serena knelt down. "You can talk to me about anything that's bothering you, you know. It's just us here right now, and I won't judge you. Is it about the gym battle?"

"...Yeah." He still didn't meet her eyes.

"I know how you feel, Ash. I lost more than a few Showcases, and I'm not sure I can win in Master Class, either. But you can't let defeat-"

"No, Serena, you don't know how I feel! How it feels to work hard for years just to fail over and over again. How it feels to humiliate yourself in front of all your friends and disappoint everyone!" Ash snapped back.

Serena looked shocked, backing away from him. "Ash, what are you talking about?"

"I said what I said! You probably came here thinking you could try to relate your struggles to mine and magically make me feel better, but that isn't how it works! You don't understand how I feel right now, so stop it and leave me alone!"

Her eyes narrowed, and she grabbed a fistful of snow off the ground. The next thing he knew, a cold mass had hit him in the head. "My first showcase, I was the one who caused Fennekin to trip, and we wound up crying on stage in front of everyone- in front of all my friends and thousands of other people! It was humiliating, so don't tell me what I have and haven't felt!" She threw another snowball. :The Ash that I know always tries his best and never gives up! The Ash that I know doesn't lose himself in a single loss!"

"Maybe the Ash you know is just what you wanted me to be," he said bitterly. "No one is unbreakable, Serena. I'm not the ideal boy you think I am or want me to be."

Serena froze at that, and not just from the cold. "Ash... What are you talking about?"

"...I might be oblivious, but I'm not stupid like everyone seems to think, or blind or deaf. I've heard you squabbling and arguing with the Sawyer sisters, and seen the way you look at me sometimes. And I tried to ignore it, so I didn't hurt your feelings or lose you as a friend. But watching you push everyone else down in hopes of being with me has gone too far. Hearing you talk to me like I'm just a dumb kid that you can nurture and fix has never been something I wanted. I appreciate you as a friend, Serena. And I'm sorry that I shouted at you- but I really need time to myself right now. I don't want sympathy."