"Pretty Girl"

09 - finally

Malorie's POV:

It's finally therapy day. I walk into her office, place my iced coffee on the table, and groan.

"Alright Kelly. When I tell you you need to buckle up, I mean it. Buckle up." She fake buckles her seatbelt.

"Alright I'm ready. Give me all the drama."

"Okay. So.. all was well, right? After I left? Everything was literally fucking fine until.. 3ish weeks ago."

"Okay. Okay. What happened come on babe I need to know." I groan.

"So I meet this girl. Her name is Baylie she's from rural Alabama she's innocent she's sweet I hate her." She furrows her eyebrows.

"Until I don't. Until I sob in her arms because I see Jayden and I split in front of her and she held me and- she became my favorite person in a day. A day!"

"Damn," she says.

"We're basically friends with benefits, Kell. Okay? Look. Here's the thing. Here's where I wanna kill myself at."

"Oh?" She says.

"Not literally! Jeez! So.. remember the innocent part?"

"Yes," she says.

"Okay. So we're making out. I stand up i lock the door and I'm like "are you ready?" She says yes, but she looks a bit nervous so I'm like "are you sure?" She goes "I don't know." And I'm like okay, we don't have to do anything!"

"Okay... yes," she says.

"And she basically she stands up and takes off her shirt and her bra and is like just take my virginity! And I'm like I'm not doing that!"

"Because.. she's never like- touched herself. So I was like I need you to become familiar with yourself first. You know? So she left and went to her house. And our bedrooms.. we can see into each others."

"And she wanted me to watch her- you know. But I felt like I forced her. So I had this whole meltdown."

"And I.. I was literally crying and throwing up. And she comes back in and.. she.. basically says she wants me to corrupt her. She wants me to.." I meet her eyes.

"I feel like.. I feel like I'm gonna become the abuser."

"The fact that you sobbed and told her to go and the fact that you didn't touch her, Mal, proves you are not gonna become the abuser."
"Are you having intrusive thoughts again?" I nod.

"Really bad ones," I whisper.
"And I- I do.. little stuff. Like reorganizing things and washing my hands all the time." She nods.

"But look. Remember Brie?"

"Yes," she says.
"Your online friend. Right?" I nod.

"She's her sister. And I didn't know that. Because the reason why she moved was because her sister was a burn victim. And she had to come here. I didn't see her until.. like last week Sunday."

"I just.. she and I talked. She's Brie. She's the Brie I know and love. But she's told me so much about her family.. and I- Baylie."

"Baylie's the neighbor?" I nod.

"She's.. god she's.." I put my head on my knees.
"Kelly, tell me what's wrong with me? Tell me why I feel this way?"

"Because of Jayden. Because you were as innocent as Baylie when he assaulted you. Your intrusive thoughts take over whenever you're with her. You imagine terrible things but because you're not on meds, you think they're true. And they cloud your mind."