"Pretty Girl"

25 - i'm sorry

Malorie's POV:

I'm at my mom's house. Which is weird.

But, I'm down with the flu, daddy and Carter are out of town, and Baylie is in class. She started community college and is majoring in Journalism.

And my mother is here.

She knocks on my door and comes in. She has a bowl of soup and Sprite.

"Hey, baby. You okay? How are you feeling?" She asks, sitting on my bed. She hands me the soup and puts the bottle on my nightstand.

"Like death," I say, sniffling. She smiles and puts her hand on my face.

"It'll get better."

"Everything okay, mom?" I ask.

"Yeah, yeah I just- Yeah."
"Okay, don't get mad at me, Mal."

"Okay..."

"I was in here a couple nights ago because I missed you and I found your journal." I meet her eyes.

"From... from when you were 13. And..." she looks down.

"Mom," I say.

"Okay. Listen. Listen listen Malorie. Please," she whispers. Her voice breaks.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You don't ever, ever have to accept my apology. But you deserve one." I meet her eyes.

"I read it. I read okay and I.. I know I invaded your space. I was drunk. Which isn't an excuse but- it sobered me up that's for fucking sure."

"The details of my rape. Yeah! I would assume so!" I say. She meets my eyes.

"I'm sorry, Mal. Listen." She looks down at her hands. They start shaking. She stands up and starts pacing.

"Mom?" I say.

"Listen I-" her voice breaks.

My mother never cries. Ever. She didn't even cry when my step dad died.

"Mom..?" She starts to hyperventilate. She runs her hands through her hair.

"Mom. Mommy it's okay I-" I put the soup on my nightstand and stand up. Her eyes fill with tears.

"Mom?" She gasps for air and slides down my footboard. I sit next to her.

"Mom. It's okay. I'm right here," I say. I pull her into my arms. She clings onto me and starts to sob.

I hold her until she calms down.

"Mom?" I whisper. She pulls away and looks at me.

"When I was.. 12... I was sexually assaulted," my stomach drops.

"No," I whisper.

"My mom didn't believe me. And I swore to myself I'd... I'd believe my child. And I did the opposite."
"And I never told anybody," she whispers.

"I felt invalid, and I still feel invalid. Because she was a child, I was a child, and she's a girl! A girl doesn't hurt other girls!"

"Mommy," I whisper.

"And I read your diary, and I.. I- oh, god. Malorie. I'm so sorry. I caused this I caused all of this." She pulls me into her arms.

I pull away and look at her.

"Yeah you did and that's guilt you're going to have to live with for the rest of your life."

"All I needed was you. But you didn't give me that." She nods. Her lip quivers.

"And not only did you not just soothe me, mom, you fucking berated me about my mental illnesses that came from it. You let our relationship go to shit instead of helping me. It took you almost five years, mom!"

"I know," she whispers.

"That's time we'll never get back. Those are wounds that have taken me years to just even remotely start to healing from. Because you kept adding fucking salt to them." She nods.

"But if you don't fucking hurt me anymore, we can repair our relationship. Even though there will be times that I resent you. And times where I don't want to talk to you, because I can't even bare to look at the person who called me a fucking liar."

"I understand," she whispers.

"Good. But you're my mom, and I will always love you. And I believe you, mommy." I hug her. She hugs me and holds the back of my head.

"I love you too, Mal! I love you with all of my heart!" Her voice breaks.

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. And you don't have to accept my apology."

"I started going to therapy, okay? I... I'm working on my trauma."

"Good," I say. She kisses my forehead.

"I love you. I love you I love you." She kisses my head.

"Hey, I'm back," Baylie says, knocking on the door. She comes in.

"Oh," she whispers.
"I'll let you two be," she says.

"No, it's okay. I was just leaving," mom says, standing up. I do as well. She kisses my temple and rubs Baylie's back before walking out.

"What was that about?" She asks, closing the door.

"My mother was in my position when she was 12."

"No," she whispers.

"Yeah," I say. I tuck my hair behind my ears.

"Are you okay?" She asks.

"I don't know," I whisper. She hugs me.

"Nap?" She asks. I grin.

"Yes!" I say. I get in my bed. She gets next to me and pulls me close.
"It's crazy how much this past year has changed us," I whisper.

"I know. Remember when you hated me?"

"Yes," I say.

"Even though after like, the second day, I didn't." She kisses my head.

"I know," she says. I look up at her and kiss her.

"I'm sick," I say.

"I know. It's okay. We spend every day together." I grin.

"The best!" I say. She strokes my hair.

"Look at this picture of Julie. I went home and she was nappin." I smile and look. She sleeping on the couch.

"She's so fucking cute. I cannot believe the fucking pig lives in our house."

"My baby!" She says smiling.

"Our kids are gonna say we have a pet pig!"

"We do!" She says smiling. I kiss her.

"You're so cute."

"Thank you." She smiles. I put my head on her chest. She starts to sing a lullaby.

And of course, it puts me to sleep.

A/N - spreading awareness on co-child SA and g/g SA. It happens. It's a thing. It exists.

Sexual assault hotline: 800-656-4673

I love you. If you ever need anything, my DMs are always open. Always. 🫶🏼