The next chapter is finally here. I have an awful way of posting... I'm sorry. Some days I don't feel like writing and some days I literally can't. Today I wrote over half of it because something sparked and I just started writing... Most in social studies class... but who even cares. It gets a bit sad at the end, so warning for that. But I hope you guys like it <3 thanks to everyone reading, you have no idea how much it means to me :D
Plus the song on the side makes me think of Serenity. Could you picture Harry singing it to her. Gah. Ugh. I just died a bit <3
-Janina
It took me nearly an hour to find my way out of the forest. My feet pounded across the asphalt as I ran home. It was getting dark, so I picked up my speed. My guitar case thumping against my leg as I ran, rapidly getting more and more painful. I ran through the door to the door room and scrambled into the elevator. I knew nothing bad was to happen, but I wasn't sure, since I was still new to this city. I dropped off my guitar and headed to the front office. I stopped when I saw jade "Hey!" I called to her, she turned around
"Hey Serenity" She smiled "You need something?"
"I was wondering if you wanted to grab something to eat, I'm still new here and I'm really hungry"
She laughs "Yeah sure, lemme grab my bag."
We walk out of the building together, apparently it is around 7:pm but it still feels like noon to me. The sun has set, and with another person, it does not seem close to as eerie as before when I was alone. Cars we're flying past, still fighting through traffic to get back home to their families. Restaurants filling up on this Friday night, shops closing up and the London Eye in the distance beginning to turn their lights on. Although night was coming in London, this was the city that never slept. Jade led us into a hole in the wall restaurant, almost unnoticeable to the bigger, fancier, ones around it. We step into the restaurant to be greeted by a fantastic smell.
"Jade dear" A nice looking old lady says affectionately
"Hello Grace" They smile and hug each other. Looks like another third wheel moment for me.
"And who is this?" Grace smiles warmly towards me
"I'm Serenity, I'm new to the university" I hold out my hand to shake but she pulls me into a hug instead. I laugh.
"So where are you from" She asks
"I'm from the United States"
"That's great dear!" Grace grabs a couple menus and shows us to our table. Me and Jade sit across from each other and look at the menus. Everything is typical of a diner, it's all comfort food. And everything sound delicious.
I settle on a potato soup and Jade picks the cheeseburger.
"So how do you know the owner so well?" I ask Jade
"I came here nearly every day in first year," Jade answers "she's like my grandma"
"That's cool, how did you find this place?" The restaurant is nothing fancy, but it feels homey. We eat and walk back to our dorms. Just as I pull the door open, my phone vibrates in my pocket "hello?"
"Is this serenity?" a low voice asks
"Erm... Y-yes it is" I answer nervously
"It's Liam!" My eyes shoot open
"Liam! Hi!"
"We haven't seen you in forever, and Harry won't stop moping around" Liam says, my heart breaks a bit as hid words
"Really?"
"Yeah, why haven't you called?" Liam asks
"I've been super busy unpacking and all that, I guess"
"So listen, are you busy this Saturday"
"Not that I know of, no."
"Do you wanna come over and surprise Harry?" Liam pleads "He really misses you, I've never seen him like this before"
"Yeah of course" I say to Liam, shading my excitement.
"Perfect, swing by around 2, I'll text you the address. See ya later!"
"See ya" We both hang up at the same time. My phone vibrates again showing Liam's text.
And this saturday I get to see Harry again. Something about him boggles me. He is so nice, sweet and charming. He is honestly the perfect guy, and the first person who was ever nice to me. He makes me happy and feel alive, he knows about my problems and helps me with them. He doesn't ignore them, but he doesn't push me either. It's the perfect balance. What I would do to be with him. To run into his arms, to kiss in the rain.
My thoughts stop and my feet bring me to a halt. I turn around to see a shop selling magazines, the boys are plastered all over the covers of every magazine. And that's where it hits me. Harry is a famous pop star. Millions of other girls want him just as much as you do. They are prettier and more talented and definitely have a better shot. Harry can have any girl he wants with the flick of his curls. He could have any model he wanted. He would want a perfect girl, not a problematic one. I have no chance with him. Maybe I shouldn't even bother showing up on Saturday...
My brain slaps myself in the face...
Harry was moping.
Liam said he missed you.
He cares about you.
No he pities you.
My thoughts carry me all the way up to my dorm door. I run inside and go straight to the bathroom. I rip off my coat and throw open the toilet lid.
Since I moved I've been pretty happy. I've been eating more and cutting less. Which you would think is good. I've been gaining weight. Harry wants a perfect girl. Not some fat hippopotamus. I shove my fingers down my throat until I am retching. I threw up whatever little amount i ate at dinner. I run to the last couple of bags I haven't unpacked yet to find my blades. I knew where they were. Right at the bottom in my little bag that carries everything for my problems.
"Fuck," I yell into my hands. The rest of the girls probably think I'm having sex or something.
Just as I predicted, a girl I don't know runs in "you're not doing it-" she starts
"NO OH MY GOD!" I cut her off "The thing I wanted is at the bottom of my bag, that's all."
"Oh well, if you are doing it, call me" she swung her hips as she walked out. Wut. Wait. Wut. Wut just happened.
I spend the next ten minutes digging through boxes until I finally find what I was looking for. My blades. I rip the box open and run back to my bathroom. I glide, rip, and cut my thighs this time. When I finish, my thighs are a bloody mess. After a roll of gauss. I finally get the cuts to stop bleeding. I clean up the floor, bandage the cuts and crawl into bed. What an interesting night.
~
The next morning I wake to a sharp pain in my legs. I groan and roll over. I screech in pain as it hurt even more when I moved. Smart. I crawled slowly out of bed and down the ladder. I sat on my bean bag chair and unwrapped the gauss from my thighs. Scabs and deep cuts littered my hips, and thighs. I figured since it was colder here I wouldn't wear shorts at often and hiding my wrists would be hard. So I switched to my thighs. And I preferred it way more. I stared at my thighs for minutes before I really thought about what I did. I relapse. Guilt came crashing on me and I broke down into tears. I just want to be better. Better for Harry. Better for everyone. Perfect. I just want to be perfect. But I am far from it.
Vote? Comment? Fan? (or is it follow now... idek)
So I was thinking, I have quite a bit planned out for this story, but I'm trying to work my way up to it. So I'm sorry not too much happened in this chapter. Different pov's will be in the next one... hint hint. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, if you have any suggestions, questions, or want to say anything, let me know :) I'll answer, take your ideas, use them if they work, and if enough people ask I might do this in another seperate chapter... eh... we'll see :) but let me know. I seriously love you guys so so so much <3
-Janina
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Viral - One Direction
FanfictionSerenity opened her drawer quickly and pulled out a stack of cue cards, she needed to do something before she would explode. Serenity had read about this last night, about how people who we're in her situation would right on cue cards, take a video...
