OFF TRACK

26

SUMMER

Most of dinner is my mom asking me about school and work. Oh, and her just basically telling me I'm not doing enough. She acts like practicing every other day with the dance team and performing with them all the time doesn't take up any of my time. But it does, it might even take up more of my time as school does.

Then right at the end is when she hits me with why she's really here.

"So, Summer," she starts smiling and looks over at her boyfriend, Brad. Ew, cringe.

I can tell by the look in her eyes what she's about to say. My stomach drops into a pit because I've seen this look before. I go to glance at her left hand but she has it hidden under the table.

I feel like I'm going to throw up. I can't go through this again.

"Brad and I are engaged!" She says it so happily but it makes me sick to my stomach. Brad looks unamused and bored. And his son, John, isn't even listening, he's just chewing like an animal on his steak beside me.

I have to clear my throat to find my voice again, "Uhm congrats, uh when? How? Why?"

"Just a week ago when I texted about coming to see you."

Yep, sounds about right. I want to get up on the table and scream 'what is wrong with you?'

You're supposed to love your mom, and I do. But she makes it really hard when she acts like this.

She's so desperate to feel loved and wanted she'll rush into a marriage with anyone. She's been engaged eight times since my dad left. All she's ever craved is male validation, I grew up with so many random guys coming in and out of my life.

I've spent my whole life watching her fall for guy after guy, get hurt, cry to me non-stop like a little kid. It was like I was always the adult, not her.

By the time I was ten years old I finally understood what was happening, and I stopped caring about what my mom was doing in her love life because she was doing it to herself. It's when I started taking care of myself more and she loved that because it gave her more free time to find a husband. Which eventually turned into me making myself dinner every night and finding any way to stay out of the house. On top of school and dance, I joined other clubs which turned into joining the cheer and dance teams in high school.

I just know this isn't gonna end well. When I was home for Christmas, she spent the whole time catering to Brad and John when she wasn't working. He doesn't care about her, he just wants someone to take care of him. And she just wants to be needed by someone. But I can't control her, I just have to be there to pick up the pieces when he finds someone else.

"We're going to have a small reception in May!"

It's the end of March. That's only two months away.

"Oh fun," I nod, picking up a fry from my plate, only eating it as a distraction.

"We're thinking around the 26th, so you'll be done with classes," she smiles at me.

Of course she knows when my classes end. I have to fight back an eye roll.

She thinks she's being supportive and helpful but she's just overbearing and annoying.

I block out the next twenty minutes, I don't remember saying goodbye or anything. The next thing I know is I'm sitting in my car staring at the silver logo on the steering wheel.

"What the fuck?" I mumble to myself.

I start up my car and drive home in a daze. I don't turn on any music, I just go through the motions that get me to my apartment.