DRUG MONEY

LIL CONVICT

"Pops, can u gonna take me 2 get a new outfit tomorrow? I got this girl I'm tryna show out 4." 10 yr old Amaru eyes glistened as his father passed him his first bottle of liquor. His father and a group of his friends were on the balcony having a welcome back party 4 Benny. He had gotten out of jail again and they were toasting a bottle of liquor 4 his return. They smoked fat reefers- a word his father liked 2 say. " ur becoming a man'' His father smiled " look at u crushing on a girl. Is she ur age?" " Yeah" Amaru replied sipping the liquor. He stuck his tongue out in disgust" this shit is nasty" Benny snarled at Amaru. "he's still a boy, how can he be a man if he cant even handle a sip of liquor?" "U'll get used 2 it" his father encouraged patting him on the back. "look, the key 2 getting women is by lying, be sweet 2 them, tell them what they wanna hear. Massage their egos, u feel me? But whatever u do, don't think about them 2 much. As soon as u get u get bored move on" his father advised' Or u might end up falling 4 one of them then have them break ur heart instead of visa-versa" "Yeah" a friend added" these hoes will be ready 2 switch out on u in a second. U cant trust none" " Unless u get her pregnant then u have 2 marry her like ur old man did" Benny crackled. "That reminds me: always use a jimmy and if she claims she's pregnant then get paternity tested before u decide 2 take care of the baby" his father noted. "And don't eat a girls pussy cause some of the time they don't clean" Benny insisted." even if u do decide 2 eat girls that doesn't mean u have 2 love any of them" his father ended the conversation " I'll take u out tomorrow mourning 4 some new clothes" he promised as he and his friends got ready 2 leave. Amaru made out a gun in his father's pocket but it didn't take long 4 him 2 figure out the trouble his father was about 2 get himself into. "I'll be right back, alright but just in case I'm not I want u 2 look out 4 ur mom okay. Ur my only child, the man when I'm not around" For the first time n Amaru's life, he got a kiss from a man on the cheek. His father grasped his scrawny body into hug. Amaru was flabbergasted "Pops don't go" Amaru stomach churned. "I love u" he let go of Amaru and marched him into his room. His father saluted him "I'll be back" he reassured Amaru before shutting his door behind him. Why couldn't u have kept ur promise? 17 yr old Amaru thought as the dark wall crept in on him. Why did u leave us that night? Why did u leave and make mama do crack because of u? why did u have 2 leave and mama cant pay the bills? " why did u leave and have mama marry 2 make ends meet? Why Pops? why? I'm here lost about women and my manhood. What do I have 2 do 2 be a man? U never taught me. Why did u leave that night? Did u really love me or was that something u said cause u knew u weren't gonna come back? How come none of ur friends came 2 ur funeral? What did u do? I heard Benny got killed 2. He never came over after u died. I heard Bullet and Reef talking about how they killed him and threw him over the lake next 2 our house. Are they the ones who killed u? Why do I feel so lost without u? why did u ask me 2 be the man of the house? Why do I bury my guilt inside hoes that I meet? Amaru shut his eyes tight as the burden filled his body. Why did I help Stacy after he killed Mercedes? He didn't know what 2 do and I'm supposed 2 be there 4 him but now I feel just as wrong as him. Why aren't I in jail? Why didn't I kill myself the day Mercedes died? Every day, I wake up feeling empty inside- without a soul. Just a body drifting left and right while my heart is being eaten alive by the guilt. Stacy's the 1 who killed her but I have to suffer. How I yearn 2 be someone else. This is God's fault Amaru blamed burying himself in his pillow Fuck God 4 this. He should've been there 4 me- like my life isn't already hard enough. He could've spared me a miracle. Whatever those are. People talk about them like there so special. Far from the norm. Something u don't see every day. So 4 me, a miracle would have 2 be me not getting in2 any kind of trouble 4 1 day or nobody in the world doing anything bad 4 a day- that's a miracle. But 2 them it's Jesus. If Jesus is a miracle, he's a miracle that will never happen but then again miracles aren't real because if it were I would see more than cold love and broken hearts and deceitfulness. And pity. 2 have 2 go do what I do 4 money because my mother already used up the money 2 buy groceries on crack. 2 have 2 grow skinny from self pity then go 2 school and see white kids throw up their lunch in the bathroom cause they think their fat. 2 have 2 eat and drink spit that n my mouth cause I don't have anything else 2 eat or drink. So why doesn't God give me a miracle cause if Jesus is supposed 2 come down 2 earth again 1 day then why not today? I'm starving and its made me bitter like my mama. That's why I'm gonna do what I do, cause God aint here 2 stop me.

" Can I speak 2 Anthony Thomas?" Stacy requested. "Just a moment, fill out these paperwork and he'll be right out" the warden of the Juvenile Detention Center responded as he buzzed one of the buttons behind him 4 a patrol officers. The walls were cracked and had leaking pipes. It reminded him of a black and white penitentiary movie. Stacy pictured them taking him to a room that had glass walls and he would be sitting on the other side of the glass with a telephone in his ear. Unlike what he thought, the patrol officer took Stacy into a room with circular tables and sat him down with one. Two other patrol officers stood by the door observing the scenery vigilantly made sure drugs weren't being exchanged or criminal acts wasn't taking place. There wasn't many people in the room except a woman carrying a baby. She looked 2 be his age. Stacy watched through his peripheral vision as she screeched at the male delinquent, who wasn't any other than him, across from her about money. He was frantic 2 cursing and screaming at her as she spoke. Baby mama drama, Stacy determined as he stared down at his feet. I'm glad I don't be having enough sex 2 end up n that kind of mess." Give me ur fucking wallet, a familiar voice joked. Startled out of his thoughts, stacy jumped out of his skin at the sound of the voice. "Glad 2 see u mutherfucker, Stacy bear hugged his friend." Damn it, I think someone missed me'' Anthony blushed. "I'm guessing now u regretting bringing the gun 2 school and u stupid 4 being intoxicated at the same time'' Stacy blabbed. "I cant keep my hands off the shit. It's a sex pill 4 me. I got me hard as a rock and I was sweating" Anthony bit on his pink lips. His light tone beamed against the flickering lights above them. " u was having a lot of sex I guess considering they found buckets full of Essence n ur system. 2 much sex maybe" Stacy said." I'm 17 2 much sex isn't enough sex besides since Amaru's been having the girls fall n love with him its hard 2 get swallowed these days" "but ur light skinned, everybody knows they get all the booty" stacy reminded. "amaru's smooth chestnut skin beats my light tone. Don't forget women love niggas that treat them like shit" "Yeah" stacy agreed feeling ridiculous about arguing over 2 men's complexion. " I was touching myself though" Anthony gave away 2 much information. "whoa! That's where we draw the line!" Stacy face flamed with embarrassment. "I had 2 take care of my shit. I haven't had a bitch since my freshman yr of high school" "So why'd u bring a gun 2 school?" Stacy queried "I was gonna go kill a nigga after school but then I ran into D' Angelou punk ass and the gun fell out my pocket" he stated without expression. "I didn't know u got down like that" Stacy gazed at Anthony. "u already know I aint afraid 2 kill nobody. U didn't forget the last time we hopped on the back of the truck " "To be honest I was sick of doing that shit with Amaru. There's more than one way 2 get what u want" Stacy lips trembled. "I'm in here 4 the gun thing when I should be here 4 the essence thing but I got that shit hidden so if they search the crib they wont find nothing" Anthony whispered. He probably meant 2 say that 2 himself, Stacy realized. "What essence thing?" Stacy went ahead and asked anyways. Amaru laughed so hard Stacy could see his lip doing cartwheels. " u really want 2 know?" His bloodshot eyes twinkled. This man is always high, Stacy thought glaring back at him. Stacy shook his head " Never mind" Anthony leaned back on his chair "$250,000 worth of my shit and I still didn't get my money now someone's gotta die" Anthony paused " so where's Amaru?" he asked pretending like he hadn't said what he did. " I don't know, he's bugging"Stacy didn't feel like telling Anthony about the augment they had. Anthony scooted his chair closer 2 Stacy " Nigga, Amaru is Amaru. He's always been but have u always been Stacy?" Stacy darted his head back as the words fell into his brain. " Shut the fuck up!" Stacy finally declared. " sorry,they got me smoking dust in this mutherfucker. I cant think straight without drugs in my system" Stacy went into his pocket and and passed Anthony the leftover half of essence he had. " Thanks 4 looking out my nigga" Anthony slurped the drug down like it was a cure 2 cancer. " The lack of drugs can do a lot 2 a man" "and pussy" The boys nodded feeling as though their body would rupture into tiny pieces at the word. " I need some pussy" Anthony chest tore at the sensation that filled his body." U think I'm gonna be here 4 life" " I don't know" Stacy said. " They always say a nigga is stupid if he goes 2 jail but they don't understand where we were coming from" Anthony said. " I feel u " Stacy agreed. " What if I don't win the trail? How long u think they gonna have me locked up when I turn 18?" " I don't know" stacy wished he had an answer 2 his questions. " u know they add an extra 2 years if ur black" Anthony joked. "Good luck at ur trail, I'm gonna b there supporting u" Stacy said as the patrol officer stopped in front of Anthony. " Times up" he grunted. " Tell Amaru and Terrance don't b a stranger and visit" Anthony shook hands with Stacy and stood up from his spot on the table. "Alright, and tighten up ur booty hole while ur n there" Stacy teased. "Alright" Anthony took in the offensive burn" I'll keep that n mind" with that being said Stacy dashed out of the Detention Center so he could reach home before his mother realized he was gone.