The Stars In Your Eyes ✩ Tim Shepard

Rough All Over

James, Linda, Mom, Megan, and Paul, Meg's boyfriend were all sitting in the dining room when I got home. Both couples had their arms around each other, and my mother already had a glass of wine in her hand.

"There you are, little sis." James smiled once he saw me. "We were just talking about you."
I smiled weakly. I was glad to see my brother, he was the only one in this family that liked me, but also any conversation about me was bound to be a roller coaster.

I briefly wondered why all the family was here, then I remembered what day it was, Sunday. After James and Linda got together, they installed family dinners on Sundays, a tradition Linda's family had. I glanced at the clock, it was later than I expected it to be, but still early for dinner.

I opened my mouth to speak, but before I could, Linda spoke up, reading my thoughts, "It's a little early, I know. But we've been so busy with wedding plans that this is the only free time we've been able to find."

"Oh, it's alright, nobody minds an early dinner." Mom smiled. I could tell she was lying, she didn't like things that were off schedule. Even simple things like early dinners could throw a wrench in her plan and ruin her whole day. But I was just relieved everyone was too distracted to notice I wasn't there the whole morning. I could only imagine what my mother would have said.

"Connie, why don't you sit." Paul suddenly said. He was husky, blonde, and stuck in his past football days. I knew that because he wore his high school letterman's jacket everywhere he went.

Megan dated him throughout high school, she was a cheerleader and he was a halfback on the football team, so it just kinda worked out. And, I mean, they've been together for almost eight years, so I guess they're doing something right.

As I sat down at the table next to Paul, Megan glared at me. She hated me being too close to anything that belonged to her. Almost as if to prove something, she held his hand and kissed his cheek.

I scooched my chair away from them. They all started talking again. To me, it was all nonsense, stuff about work and people they didn't like. Colleagues that got in trouble, good recipes for summer, wedding ideas, and their favorite subject; my birthday.

Halfway through the conversation, James and Linda got up to cook, while mom, Megan, and Paul debated over venues and decorations for my party. The way they talked, it was like I wasn't even there like I didn't exist.

I know I said, "Do whatever" but I still imagined they would at least ask what I wanted. Because in truth, I didn't want a party at all. I would rather hang out with Bre for the day, or watch musicals alone in my room.

"I was thinking gold balloons, they would match her hair." My mother said. She genuinely sounded excited, I only wished it was under better circumstances.

"What about a light pink dress, it would look more feminine than red or blue," Megan suggested. "And slim fit, it would show off her hourglass figure." She added in a sing-song voice.

I groaned, slouching in my chair. It was too bad Megan had control issues, otherwise, I would have thought she was actually trying to be a somewhat good older sister.

"What about that nice place down by the river?" Paul spoke up. I glared at him, though he didn't seem to notice. What right did he have to propose any ideas?

"Ooh, Ma, he's right, it has a nice view." Megan gushed, clinging to her boyfriend's arm like if she let go he would disappear. Mom smiled as she took a sip of wine, her gold rings clanging against the glass.

"I've spoken to a few of my colleagues, and they've said their boys would be delighted to attend." She said.

I swiftly stood up, almost knocking over my chair in the process. The trio didn't even spare me a glance as I marched off, into the kitchen. I almost walked straight into Linda, who instantly wrapped her arms around me.

"Oh, sweetie." She murmured. Linda was always the caring, motherly type. She never failed to realize when something was off. She was one of the sweetest people I knew. Maybe that was why James loved her so much.

I couldn't help but hug her back. James and Linda most likely heard everything. Honestly, I was about to cry. Nobody cared about me, it seemed. Not my own mother or sister. I think that's the worst feeling in the world. How could they not care? I mean, they were my family but they didn't even seem to consider my feelings. They were really throwing that party for somebody else entirely. It hurt.

I wished things could be simple. No rules and expectations to live up to. No people to dictate my life. No division. No rich, no poor. No socs, no greasers. I wished there was someplace better, somewhere outside of Tulsa Oklahoma. Some place I could be free. Some place where my mother didn't force me to find a husband. Someplace where Megan saw me as a sister and not as an object.

Simple.

That's how I wished things could be.

I couldn't help but think about someone like Angela Shepard, who had nothing, so they choose to be bitter instead. And I had had it all for so long, good friends, money, popularity, and supposed good looks. I was blind to all the struggles of the east and still am. But they were blind to the struggles of the west as well. Things were rough all over. And no matter how much we wished or begged, things would never get any better. Things would always be rough all over.

The thought made the tears in my eyes roll down my cheeks. Linda softly patted my hair, not even caring that I was crying into her Sunday dress.

James came up and hugged us both. At least two people in the world cared about me. Three, if Tim meant what he said earlier that day. And four if I was counting Bre. I guessed I would have to be content with four. And I was.