Faithless

Chapter 4

I woke up the next morning feeling like I hardly slept at all. My inescapable hunger kept waking me up in the middle of the night, and while I frequently took trips to the kitchen to eat in the middle of the night, none of it satisfied me in the slightest. And of course as I got up, more feathers fell away from my hair.

There was no school on Friday, for it was a holiday, so there wasn't any need to get up early. But I did anyway, since I couldn't stand trying to sleep any longer. It wasn't until I actually needed to go places that I realized the real world didn't require your school uniform. I didn't own a lot of clothes, and it wasn't like I needed any, either. That day, I simply put on a pair of black jeans and a Def Leppard shirt with a gray flannel.

When I walked downstairs, I realized it was later in the morning than I initially thought. Daisy was already in the den watching cartoons, and Dahlia was cleaning up after breakfast. When she spotted me coming down the stairs, she greeted me with another smile.

"Hey, you missed breakfast, Jayden." As though she could read the longing look in my eyes, she continued, "Don't worry, I saved you a plate. Better finish it up before it gets cold."

"Thanks," I said, exhaling a sigh of relief. Nothing had been able to stave off my hunger, but anything helped at this point. I walked past Dahlia and through the kitchen, where I picked up the plate on the counter. Without bothering to sit down at the table, I ate up the food on the plate.

Dahlia watched me, a slight chuckle escaping from her throat. "By the way," she said, "I was wondering about that Hannah girl you mentioned. Your girlfriend, right?"

I nodded, unable to answer with my mouth full.

"I'd certainly love to meet her sometime. I bet she's wonderful."

I swallowed, setting my fork back down on the plate in disappointment that there was nothing left to eat. "I'll think about it," I sighed. "I don't know if she'd be all that interested."

"That's totally fine," she assured me. "You guys take as much time as you'd like." She picked up my plate and took it to the sink.

I walked past her to the front door and pulled on my coat. "I'm going out." As I was lacing up my doc marten boots, Dahlia peered out of the kitchen doorway.

"Oh, if you're going out, would you mind dropping off your sister at Abigail's house? You can take your father's car."

"You're kidding," I said.

She smiled and shook her head. "And be sure to bring her home by four, alright?"

"Sure," I muttered. I grabbed the keys off the hook by the door and walked into the den. Daisy was sitting on the floor staring at the television watching She-ra reruns with her stuffed animals. I knocked on the edge of the doorway and she looked up at me. "Time to go."

Her eyes lit up and she scrambled to her feet. "Give me five minutes!" She dashed past me and ran up the stairs, while I stood by the door waiting for her to come back. I leaned my head on the door, feeling faint, while also growing more impatient for her to come back. Though it was just a couple minutes, it felt like an eternity before Daisy came running back down the stairs in her coat and boots with her backpack.

"You ready?" I asked numbly.

Daisy nodded. "Yes! Let's go!"

"See you later, Dahlia," I said, opening the door.

Dahlia waved at us as we walked out. "Have fun, you two!"

As I stepped out, I was greeted with a thin blanket of snow over the lawn and the street. I hadn't realized it had snowed the night before. The snow compressed under our boots as we walked over to Jared's volvo waiting for us in the driveway.

"Can I sit in the front seat?" Daisy asked, waiting on the passenger side of the car.

Not having the energy to deal with her whining if I were to say no, I nodded. "Fine, whatever. Just don't tell Mom."

"Yes!" she exclaimed, pumping her fist in the air.

When we sat down in the car and I started pulling out of the driveway, Daisy dug through the cassettes in the car for a U2 mixtape and shoved it in the stereo. I wasn't a fan of their music, but Jared played them all the time whenever he was driving. To put it lightly, I was sick of their music. And while I wanted so badly to rip the tape out of the stereo and throw it out the window, I simply put up with it while I drove.

Abigail was the mother of one of Daisy's friends. Her house was on the other side of town, so it was just faster to drive there. Abigail knew me well enough, though I was sure she didn't even like me that much. No one in town did. A gloomy kid who took pills and talked about the death of eyes and god wasn't particularly an appealing person to be around.

Daisy took a lollipop out of her backpack, likely saved from her Halloween candy, and stuck it in her mouth, playing with the wrapper in between her fingers. "So what's with all the feathers in your room?" she asked, her voice slightly muffled by the candy.

I glanced over at her. "What the fuck were you doing in my room?"

"Well I was looking for my cards, and—"

I tightened my grip on the steering wheel. "Why would I have your cards?"

She shrugged. "Mom always says that I should look everywhere if I lose something." Daisy took the lollipop out of her mouth. "Anyway when I went in there, there were feathers everywhere. Where did they come from?"

I sighed. "It's none of your business, Daisy. And stay the hell out of my room."

"Why? I wanna know."

"It's just not."

She stuck her tongue out at me, turned purple from the lollipop. "Freakazoid."

I groaned in exasperation, and she giggled. "Whatever."

It was a few more minutes before we pulled onto Abigail's street. Her house was a pale blue, single story bungalow, smaller than ours. She lived with her husband, Steve, and her daughter Karmen. I walked to the door with Daisy and delivered a few heavy knocks on the door. Followed by the sound of a barking dog, Abigail pulled the door open and looked at both of us, a lit cigarette in between her lips. Her black hair was tied in a messy bun behind her head, and dark circles sat under her eyes from apparent days of no sleep. She wore a tank top, exposing her arms and the numerous tattoos drawn across her shoulders. Unlike most people in this town, she didn't grow up here. I'd even heard rumors of her coming from a town called Iaport, a few states over in Michigan. Not that they'd ever be confirmed. She resented talking about her past and was known to sock anyone in the face if they were persistently trying to ask her about it.

Abigail looked me up and down and then at Daisy. "Karmen told me you'd be over today," she said, in her hoarse, low toned voice. "Come on in."

"Thank you," Daisy said with a smile as the woman pushed the door open further. She waved to me as she headed inside, calling Karmen's name.

Taking another drag of her cigarette, she sighed, smoke drifting into my face. "How have you been doing, Jay?"

"Same old shit," I muttered.

"Oh yeah?"

I nodded slowly. "Yup."

She looked me up and down again before letting out another sigh of smoke. "I knew a kid like you when I was in high school. Edgy, pessimistic." She tapped her cigarette and some ashes fell from the end. "Keep thinking like that and you'll crack."

I tilted my head slightly. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Just some lessons I've learned. You'll be back at four, right?"

"Sure."

Abigail flicked her cigarette into the snow. "Good. Now get off my porch."

"See you later," I muttered, turning away from the door. The door slammed shut behind me as I walked down the path back to the car. I sat down in the car for a few moments, taking deep breaths as my heartbeat sped up once again. Alone once again, the hunger in me was blinding and painful. I ripped the U2 mixtape out of the stereo and tossed it aside, trying to focus my breathing, tapping my hands on the steering wheel.

The gaze of the crows watching me as I sat there in the car was unmistakable.