Faithless

Epilogue

I don't know who I am. My identity was scattered in fragments long before I was born and I'm still trying to pick up the pieces. It's not fair—that's what I think sometimes. Why does everyone else have the right to their identity, while I have to piece it together? But other times, I really don't mind all that much. It gives me a sense of purpose. Something to do with myself. And I have all the time in the world, which makes it so much easier. But sometimes the days drag on, for there's always obstacles in the way.

The years go on. Life moves without waiting for anyone. It's usually on you to keep up with it, or else you will be left behind. I've seen those who have been left behind. And I've seen those who have moved with it. Those who get left behind hardly ever fair all that well. This is where you get the suicidals and drug addicts who don't know how to live with themselves. This is where you get spiteful killers and pitiful victims. But those who move with the flow of time will thrive. It's where you get the happiest of people. And the happiest of people have often borne the worst losses. That's what I've observed.

I sometimes think again of the names of the taken—that's what I've decided to call my victims—and I wonder how life would have treated them if they had been left to live. I wonder if they would have thrived, or if they would have been left behind. Most of them likely would've lived long and prosperous lives, and others likely would've been lost. But they're all the same. Everyone wants something. And whatever that thing is, it's the driving force behind their actions. That's what makes all humans the same. That's why all humans are so prone to conflict. They all want something. And they all pursue it, in one way or another.

My name is still Jay. And it remains Jay, taken from the name of a blue jay, given to me by a mother left behind by the flow of time. It will always be my name. It's the only thing I can keep with me as the years go on. This, and a cassette tape given to me by a starstruck girl who had big dreams. These were the things that kept me from losing my mind completely.

Today was the day I was going to see if she achieved her dreams. I tracked down her name back to Seattle, where she worked for a well-known photography agency. She'd also made a name for herself in the film industry, doing cinematography for higher budget films. Never did I ever expect this.

The office building was one that reached the sky in downtown Seattle. I appeared as a young man in his mid twenties, with short, loose dark brown hair which hung slightly over his face. Pale gray eyes stared back at me when I paused in the reflection of the glass doors to the building. Wearing a suit and tie was the best way to go about something like this. Formal, presentable, perfect for a corporate office. Sometimes I had to remind myself how I was supposed to look in a human's world.

Her office was on the fifth floor of the building with the photography studios. I was familiar with that modern, fluorescent lighting of office buildings, and I could never not despise it. Still, it was worth it to see her again.

A secretary's desk lie just on the other side of the elevator in a room that seemed to be sectioned off as a lounge area. A young blonde woman, probably no older than twenty four, was sitting behind the desk, playing a mindless game on her mobile phone. I tapped my hand on the desk, and she looked up at me in surprise, and then a friendly smile formed on her face as she put her phone away.

"Hello, how can I help you sir? Do you have an appointment with us today?"

I nodded. "Yes, for one o' clock pm?"

She clicked something on her computer. "Ah yes, you're Mr. Sutton? May I see your I.D., just to confirm it?"

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a slim wallet. I tugged the card out of its place and showed it to the woman. "Here."