Faithless

Chapter 17 (final)

I sat on the alcove under the window and dropped my backpack on the floor. The wind breathed through the trees of the forest outside, and the house creaked along with it. As I sat there, listening to the breeze carry the caws of the crows through the air, I wondered where my life was headed. I wondered why things had to get so complicated. I hated to admit it, but I missed life when it wasn't about surviving. I treated my family like shit, but I didn't hate them. At least not as much as I convinced myself I did. I remembered the day that Hannah died. Everyone was happy. Everything was as normal as it would ever be. Dealing with ordinary problems in an ordinary town. The most scandalous thing we did was smoke a bit of weed. The more I thought about it, the more I had started to accept that it was time to move on. Everyone else was. They were going to close out the investigation soon, that is, if they didn't find me. Hannah's family was moving out of town. It was graduation year for my class.

My skin was falling apart. I couldn't stop thinking about how scratchy and tight it felt against my bones. I pulled the needle and thread from my backpack and frantically tried stitching it back up, pulling it back into place over my arms and my face. Though my stitches were crooked and uneven, it was enough to hold it all together. I pulled my hands over my face, breathing heavily. I wasn't ready to throw away my skin yet. I wasn't ready to be a monster yet. I needed more time. If I tried hard enough, maybe I could keep this skin. If I tried hard enough, maybe I could still be Jay.

"Relax."

I looked up to see Krieth sitting in front of me. "What do you want?" I said breathlessly.

"You're fine," he said. "If you really want to keep your name, you can. But your skin won't last forever."

"What can I do? I don't want to go around, masquerading around as other people. I don't want to live as something inhuman. I never... I never asked for this."

Krieth stared at me for a moment. "You're in too deep now. There's nothing you can do except what you have been doing." He sat on my shoulder. "I promise, it gets easier with time."

I relaxed against the wall and sighed. He was right. There wasn't anything I could do. As much as I tried to fix my skin over and over and over again, soon it wouldn't resemble a living human form anymore. All that I used to be would soon fade away and be forgotten about. At the very least, Avery believed in me. But I couldn't leave with her. Maybe someday I would see her again, but she wouldn't be able to stay with me. I wouldn't be able to stay with her. And somehow, running all of this over in my mind one more time, made me feel slightly more relieved.

It was sunset by the time Avery arrived at the house. I had remained curled up by the window the entire time I was waiting for her, petting Krieth as he rested on my shoulder. She had brought with her a duffle bag packed with her things and her guitar case was strapped to her back. I looked at her as she entered the room with a smile, which even then was starting to feel difficult to do.

"Hey, Jay, I'm here." She sat down next to me and set her stuff on the floor next to mine. "A police officer came to our house, so it took longer for me to leave than I wanted, but I finally got out of there. It was Darren's dad, I think. He was asking if we'd seen you around."

"What did you say?"

"That I hadn't seen you. Obviously."

"Thanks for that."

"You already knew I was going to. I'd do anything for you."

I pulled my hands through my hair. "Oh, Avery. I'm so sorry."

She stared at me, slowly shaking her head. "What could you possibly be sorry for? I—"

"You shouldn't be here. You shouldn't come with me. You should have just stayed home."