The Moral Subject Is Logic <Logicality highschool au>

Chapter Six - Virgil

⚠️Swearing should be expected for most of the chapter⚠️

(MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNINGS ON THIS CHAPTER: Self harm, panic attack)

"Virgil, please. Talk to me." I felt myself falling apart at his words. "I don't want to pry, but I know something happened."

I nodded, shoving my hands in my pockets again. "Okay," I began, getting defensive, "so somethings wrong, what about it? I don't want to talk about it." God, but I needed to. I needed to so damn badly.

"Virgil I only want to help," Logan paused, "but I will respect your decision if you would like to keep this topic to yourself."

"You haven't respected it! I've told you that I don't want to talk about it and yet you still persist!"

Logan didn't say anything. He just stood up and walked away. Fuck... I messed up. I felt a panic attack coming. I've learned how to tell when they were coming over the years. I felt the need to yell, "I'M HERE!!!" just to tell myself I'm still alive, to make my presence known. I took my phone out and texted Patton.

Virgil: Sos

Pop star: Where are you? I'll be there soon

Virgil: Logan's house

I couldn't wait any longer!

(Tw on this part- Self harm)
***

I ran to my backpack, and took my razor out. I ran into Logan's bathroom, as quietly as I could.

I looked at my reflection and just cried. I took the blade and I... There were lines red with blood on my left wrist. There were only a couple. I took bandages from behind Logan's mirror, and bandaged my wrist.

***

And so it was. Like he said, Patton was there soon. Yes, I opened the door without saying anything to Logan. I just couldn't do this. Patton looked at me with so much worry you would bet he saw me kill someone.

My god I felt horrible. I didn't want to bring.. my mistake, into this, so I just explained what happened with Logan and my parents. Not in that order.

Patton placed his hand on my shoulder and spoke in a soft voice, probably because I started having trouble breathing. "Hey kiddo," he began slowly, "follow my breath."

He breathed in and out, moving his hand up and down as he did so. I followed his breathing carefully. I really didn't want to hurt him, even if I was the one really suffering.

I fiddled with my hoodie sleeve, thinking about if I should say something about what I did. I guess it wasn't very hidden, because Patton looked at my wrist then at me, like he knew what happened. I started hyperventilating, not very quietly.

Logan came running into the room, with panic on his face. I put my hood up, not wanting to make eye contact with Logan.

Logan put his hand on my other shoulder. Now I almost felt like they were disappointed. Out of pure instinct, I hid my face by turning my head away. Using my right arm, I covered the left of my face and crossed my left arm over the right. I had to hold my sleeve up to keep the bandages from showing.

Logan reached for my arm and I shoved him away. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" I yelled, I didn't want to believe it but I yelled. I coughed because of how hard I was crying. I ran back into the bathroom without thinking. I couldn't stand being there, with them in the living room anymore.