One Seen

III . There are something bigger

               Once more, I try to calm myself. There would be no chance that she would got hurt in the class which is her own class, and there are reasons behind it, one of that is that she is not really hated. It was more like, she is not even that well known there too. That fact itself is, somehow scores some plus on me, but there won't be any chance she will realize. What am I, why is a lone bear like me trying to fall into another creature like her? I mean, it is such a pointless act to do, what could be gained by that? Nothing, none at all will be happens by that.

               It was that day, the first time when I was transferred into this school that I met her. When there are no friends for me to hold me down, but that is where freedom – and henceforth a loner life – given to me. I was, like what happens just now, fallen on that cursed stair by someone I don't really care about. Things are dropped like loots from the monsters that are defeated on those MMORPGs. I try to recollect all of them, and suddenly that fateful encounter happens – or so I pictured it. She helped me with the stuff, and smiles at me.

               She is not that beautiful, as if many people said so, but that is not the important thing, isn't it? The thing is that she is kindhearted is enough to melt anyone's heart to ground, and she does. I hope people also think like that, appearances is not the first priority, heart is. Nowadays, it is rare to find kindhearted people on this life, the smallest group of it are sprinkled and hidden on the world, it is luck that give you the chance to find one on your life.

               Not that much of someone who loves to talk, in fact she is that one type who prefer silence over nonsense talk that everybody does. The eyes looking sharp, none will even brave enough to lie. The soul is uncorrupted, and the personality is standing strong like a mountain formed by solid rock. She is hard on inside, and hard on outside, but a gentle touch she gave on everyone she met. Sometimes I envy her, I mean, because I am a bear, my claw and my looks itself is a threat for many.

               This day is so boring, I hope I could find something to do to erase this boredom. But I do too lazy to find such. Then, I guess I just sit helplessly here, again like every day in my life after I was transferred. It is sad, how much I am used to be hurt, that now I can finally say that I am okay although I don't . Whose fault is this doesn't matter, and now after my father passed, I have nobody to teach me about this life, and defend me against those unmerciful people.

               It has been two months since I am transferred, yet there are still no one who wants to be my friend. Poor me, sitting in the front while nobody cares, but hell yeah, I don't even care with those surrounds me. Is it really the time for me to start searching for a new friend, or at least a company to walk together on this stage of life?

               On the other place, one girl that I think about, oh yeah I really forget to introduce myself. My name is Remaizza Newell, an ordinary boy who placed himself as a bear on this school he got transferred. As I said earlier, it has been two months and I still has no friend at all, not even one. And that girl that helped me – probably the only one that care about me – is Mist Amylla. If I am not mistaken, she introduced herself to me by that name, and she asked me to call her Mist. And as her name suggest, she is as unclear and unpredicted as mist itself to me.

               On the other hand, earlier in this morning, Mist saw the boy that is no other than Remaizza himself. Falling, again on the stairway, as she walked as usual into the classroom.

"Today I saw this boy, again, falling on the stairway to the second floor. Ah, that is the boy that I helped on that day, doesn't it? Why is he falling again, or I guess it is the same reason as before, that the other students is carelessly running on the way again, ah.. what a poor boy". And then, I just walked slowly as he try to recollect his stuff that is fallen to the floor. This gave me some memory of how we first met , and knowing that we are classmates. Although he never even once try to talk to me, there is an urge to help him when these things happened. So apparently, I just helped him out of nowhere

A sad face appeared on his face. Surely, a face of someone that is getting rejected by the whole society, a face that is as cold as ice, and as hard as iron that is clouded by the hatred of society that is taught by the society itself. It is so sad to see him that way, but what could I do? I think, this is the only way to be useful for him. Surely, I have friends, and it is easy to bring them for him to blend in with us, but is it what he wanted to be?

As he walks into the class, he said no word, but I am glad enough that he said thank you to me. It is rare word to be heard from people these days. It is a pity that he cannot feel the warmth of this life, but probably that is his choice to do so. Even that, I am not sure that he is not forced to live such a harsh life on his teenage years. Too few that I know from him, and that is what make things even more complicated. He is as dark as night itself with the wall as thick as the wall of Jericho, probably thicker than it is. He is clouded with such a thick and blinding fog that cover his real soul as I see him over and over every day. Three months I have known him, and this is the third time we talk to each other. Could that get any worse?

The way he walks, somehow it reminds me of a lone bear that is running to the darkness. A bear prefer to stay away from the others as they are ferocious on the outside. I was once heard him saying on that afternoon where he ate his lunch on the corner of the school. He said that " I am a bear, a loner is not something to be embarrassed about, and none will walk closer towards me". That is, I guess, how I heard that words, a sad ones coming from him. But, it seems like he wanted to be so, but still, am I good enough to be someone who wants to get nearby? Is that wise?

The class started just a few minutes later, like I usually do, I sit on the corner of the class where I usually belong, and he is on that front desk where he rarely look back. But once or twice, I saw him looking at the wall with the blank stare towards it, sometimes toward my direction. What is he trying to see, sometimes it is creepy that I think that he can see some kind of astral creatures on our classroom, but, still I don't really know. You could say that I doubt he even saw anything, probably he try to catch up upon his mind. I mean, he is a good thinker, like that were once written on his book, some drawings and those imagination that I couldn't understand.

Also, today is not that much different from everyday's cycle, he is there again. An aura that is repelling any attention toward him, not even his desk mate. His desk mate, Megan Dayton – or call her Maggie – is also rarely talking, or even answers his small chat that he tried to build. Well, there were once or twice she does, but mostly, nothing happens. He keep smiling on that tortured face that holds the pain and burden that he got from his life. I heard that his father had passed away, that could be worse for him if he keep creating gaps among the classmates and other people in this school.

And back to me, Remaizza – or call me Aiz ( yeah, just like how you say ice).

The term introvert were well suited with me, as cold as ice as my nick suggest. I mean, I am not that sociable with the other humans on my society, nor I try to blend in. Sometimes I try to talk with Maggie or those around me, but it was just formality – and mostly unanswered anyway. I mean that I am an invisible being on this society, not seen by anyone. Nobody cares about me, and I could not and never even try to care more about my surrounding.

This situation continues on this gloomy day, so normal yet it is so calm that it seems like death miasma were coming earlier. Nobody interacts, and the bear stay on his battlefield fortress with his wall and big door shut. The mist getting thicker and never try to touch the bear from afar, and just thinking about how pity is the bear. This is not the only one that happens on this life – or no, even just this school, there are more than just Aiz being such a loner. But he is one that is different from many, but in this society where the strong trying to hurt the weak, the practice of such is not illegal. And the result are, a broken society trying to adjust themselves into the life system that constantly changing because of the dynamics of the society itself that is even following a bigger system that depends on the life system again. Infinite loops of Satan's circle motion, this misery is getting more power, and the aura intensifies.

The desk mate that is having a seat nearby Aiz is also that one kind of person that having a rough time to blend in. Maggie herself is also having such a dark and painful past which makes her becoming such a person. She never answer, and not even interested to hear the statement that is made by Aiz. His words are just another bullshits from the society that is not one of her concern. So does Aiz, mostly he does that because of the formality – and again the system, and henceforth this situation was made.

There are something bigger than just this... ~