Until Then. // denis shapovalov - sascha zverev

5.3 - sheep

Alex's POV

I turn off my phone and wait patiently. 30 seconds later, I see her front door open and close. I can't quite make her out in the darkness, as her small figure jogs over to my car. I roll down the windows to greet her.

"Are we walking?" She asks.

"Get in," I smile, unlocking the doors.

She opens my car door timidly, and quietly and quickly sits down and closes the door back up. I roll up her window to keep her warm.

"Um, thank you," she whispers, clicking on her seatbelt. I pull off from the space and back onto the road.

"No worries," I answer. Her scent fills the car of warm apple cider and vanilla ice cream.

I don't say anything as we turn out of her neighborhood. We sit in the silence of the low hum from my car and I glance over at her. Her head is turned to face out the window, observing the dark street that's lit by lampposts. As I drive through my familiar streets, I suddenly realize how unfamiliar they are. It feels like it's my first time driving around this town, but I know exactly where to turn. But for some reason, my car just doesn't feel like mine. I don't feel like I belong on these roads. I run my hand along the side of the steering wheel, and it feels unfamiliar. I can't even describe what it feels like.

Everything is new, and foreign, with Willow in the car. I don't think she notices though, as she lays her head against the window, her eyes still watching the outside world.

I take glances at her, trying to keep my eyes on the road, but getting sidetracked. From this angle, she doesn't look real. This moment doesn't feel real. I've had so many people sit in the passenger seat of my car, but I've never felt this way before. The car was quiet, but it was warm. Without a word spoken between us, I still felt like we were both present and talking... through the silence.

I take a right turn into town, reducing my speed to slowly drive through. Some shops were lit, the majority were not. The lamp posts lit the road, but other than that, there was no other car in sight. It looked almost abandoned.

"I haven't driven through this place in so long," Willow breaks the silence, turning to me to give me a half smile, and then turning back to the outside. "I usually walk to town... I forgot what it's like to actually look at it... instead of being in it."

"Which do you like more?" I ask.

"I think I like walking over with my sister and saying hi to everyone and following the same route every time but finding new things to notice, but... But right now? Right now, I like this. With you driving."

She pauses. "I- I just... I can't believe that I'm here with you... right now."

I shake my head and chuckle lightly, "I can't believe I've lived here my whole life and I've never bumped into you."

"Me neither," She whispers. "Do you think... do you think things would be different? If you had."

"What do you mean? Like I had met you here?" I ask.

"Yeah, like... Like if you and I had met earlier, how do you think our lives would've changed? Would we not be together right now? Or would we? Would we just be friends?"

I pause, digesting her question. "Um," I try to find the right words. "I hope we'd be friends... sometimes I wish I met you sooner. Maybe we could... be together, um, sooner, I guess. Maybe I'd be on the street and see you walking on the other side and stop in my tracks and sprint over and pretend I'm going into some random store just to bump into you... Or maybe we'd see each other at café down the block and I'd sit at the table next to you in hopes you'd drop a pencil, and I could pick it up to start a conversation... But then, when I think about it, I think I like to believe that we met at the right time."

We sit in silence as we duck under a couple of streetlights, and I take a right turn. I think for a second, pondering over her question before realizing, "Did you ask, 'would we just be friends?'"

Willow's quiet for a second and I glance over to her. She's playing with her fingers. "I- I don't know."

As much as I want her to elaborate, I don't want to push her. I pull into the parking lot of my uncle's farm I used to visit frequently was I was younger.

"Where are we?" Willow asks, looking around. It's dark, and there are no cars around, but the barn is lit by old, warm lightbulbs.

"A farm I used to come by when I was younger," I say. The rain has somewhat come to a halt. "Do you want to see?"

Willow shrugs and then nods, and we both get out of the car. I lead the way, walking down the muddy, dirt path that winds into the vast pastures. Everything looks the same and I immediately see the sheep first. We walk up to the fence and stand on the bottom notch to look over, watching the sheep cuddled in a corner of their pen, staying warm and sleeping softly.

"They're so cute," Willow observes. She pauses and then says, "Denis and I-" she takes a quick breath, clenching the fence pole. "Denis and I are in a really weird space, and I think I want to end things with him, but I don't want to hurt him because he's so great to me, but I don't see-"

That was enough for me as a hop off the fence so we're eye-level and I grab her face and immediately kiss her without a second thought. Her posture softens as my lips don't leave hers. I can barely process what's happening, but all my senses are alert. I can feel her hair between my fingers, and the softness of her cheek. I can feel her breath against my face and her lips pressed against mine. I feel like the blood in my veins has frozen and my heart is running a million miles an hour. Although this is our second time kissing, I feel like it's my first all over again. I feel like I've forgotten how to kiss... how to breathe.

Suddenly, she pulls back, looking down at our feet, whispering, "Wait... wait, I'm sorry." She says, shaking her head. "I'm sorry, I can't do this, I haven't- I haven't really, officially, broken up with Denis... I can't- I'm sorry." She says, burying her head into her hands. "I'm so sorry, Alex, I shouldn't have done that."

"No, no, no," I say, shaking my head and taking her arms from her face. "No, it's not your fault, it's okay, Willow," I say. "It's okay, I initiated it, I'm sorry, I should have asked."

"I'm sorry, I just don't know what I want... right now... well no- no, I do know what I want but I don't know how to get around everything. Denis and I haven't talked in a week and I just don't know what to do, I'm so sorry," She says.

"Stop, please, stop apologizing," I say, reaching out to pull her into me. She wraps her arms around my waist, tightly and I rest my head on top of hers, breathing quietly with her, letting our chests move back and forth together.

As we stand there for the next however long, I let her rest against me. Although I don't know what she wants, but I know exactly what I want.