Beyond Bloodline - Unbreakable Bonds

one

09/07/17

Envy was becoming a constant in my life.

I was envious of everything my fraternal twin had. Our parents' love, their care and warm attention. More than that, I was envious of the root cause; his existence.

I wanted to be him so bad I end up nauseating myself. All because he didn't do much and he was loved. It became the only thing I craved so bad for. It was simple logic. Maybe if I was just as artistic instead of athletic or was his identical copy then perhaps I wouldn't have to endlessly pine for something that should be my basic right.

It was still forced logic though. No amount of wishing could change fact. Even if I was him, there'd be no turnabout. I wasn't the one.

Not so golden--

At the sound of his door opening, Nigel put his pen aside and stealthily brought a homework sheet over his latest journal entry, turning to indifferently survey the subject of said entry as he approached.

"Nic." Saxon's smile was nice and easy even until he offered the food he'd brought up and was left hanging. Smile barely dimming, he placed the plate of blueberry smothered pancakes on the table followed by the tall glass of juice. "Mom made tuna casserole. I know you can't stand it."

"What makes you think I can stand this instead?" Nigel said, lips curling in barely curtailed distaste. He wasn't trying to be difficult. But there was no preferring one over the other in this case. He just didn't like either.

Saxon's expression slowly stilled before he cast a strange expression at first the plate and then his twin. "I wouldn't forget something like this," he'd always prided himself on his impeccable memory. "You've liked these since forever."

"I haven't been seven in over a decade," Nigel said, ignoring how quickly Saxon's face stiffened as he picked up the plate that was all but submerged in blueberry syrup. He cut a neat triangle in the stack and shoved it in his mouth, not betraying how iffy the cloying aftertaste left him. "Thank you."

Saxon's throat worked as he watched him work through the meal mechanically. He felt terrible not knowing but felt even worse off seeing him eat it all up.

"Anything else?" Nigel asked, gaze quizzically coming up to stare at him through lengthy chestnut strands he refused to trim.

"Night, Nic." Saxon held his flickering stare at the form of address for all of a minute more before taking his leave. It had been some five years since Nigel had begun to try drawing a line between them, warning him to desist from calling him that way. Saxon had been adamant in maintaining the form of address but now, more than ever, he saw things clearer. Irrespective of how he addressed him, that thin, fine line had long since formed.

Nigel stared a long while at the door he'd gently shut behind him before quietly turning back, feeling the onset of a headache as he rubbed at his temples. Pulling back the empty homework sheet, he glanced at where he'd been at before snapping the leather bound book shut in irritation and shoving it half way in his satchel. With a weary frown, he slouched in his chair, fingers moving idly over the screen of his cell phone to open one of the two chats he had pinned to the top.

-N-
drinks?
Received. 19:49pm

Free spirit
dad's grounding. turning over my cell in a min.
Received. 19: 49pm

Nigel swiftly switched to the other pinned chat but upon seeing the last active of over four months ago, resorted to dialing. It rang twice before finally cutting. In the end, he threw his jacket over his shoulders on realizing he wouldn't be getting much company tonight. He gripped his bag in his hand as he walked out, fingers hovering over the order button on the cab app.