No Escape from Ultra Deluxe

We Care About You

You startle awake at your computer. The Narrator doesn't say anything and neither do you. You make your way out to The Bucket. You take the right door together. The whole time no one says a word. You pause when the door to the maintenance section swings open a little harsher than normal.

You look in and the red light of the elevator is glowing brighter than usual. You haven't gotten this ending with the bucket yet. You make your way over and press the down button.

"Oh good, (Y/N)! I'm glad you found your way here. I knew you'd find this place eventually." The Narrator says suddenly, making you jump.

"What?" You ask.

"You see, your friends and I are concerned for you, (Y/N). We've come together here because we care about you, very much."

You get to the bottom and all your favorite things and places are there. You smile down at The Adventure Line™. Than you look back up and frown "What are you talking about?" You ask.

"It's this bucket you're carrying around everywhere. The Bucket isn't even from the original Stanley Parable, it's just sequel content! We're the ones that matter (Y/N)! Classic characters from the first game like The Stanley Parable Adventure Line™ and the broom closet. Because that's what fans want from a sequel, they want more of their favorite jokes not this bucket that they've never seen before."

"I don't care what the fans think. I do this for me!" You say. "Besides you gave me the-"

"Yes I know I'm the one that gave you the bucket, but you're spending too much time with it! Don't you want another story involving the Adventure Line™? We could make the Adventure Line™ go somewhere new!" The Narrator says as the gate opens and truck moves. "Yes, yes, that's what fans want, let's do it!"

"I don't care what fans want!" You say, than look down at the Line™. "But I have missed The Line™." So you follow it™.

"Weeeee! look at that wacky Line™! Who knows where It™ will go off to next? Oh, and It™ played some silly music as well." The Narrator says and Following Stanley begins to play. You smile and bop your head to the music as you go. "Now this is what The Stanley Parable is all about! Don't you remember all great times we had? 'Also, (Y/N) is addicted to drugs and hookers.'" The Narrator says.

You smile and laugh, dropping The Bucket down just slightly as you relax. "Yeah. I remember, how could I forget. It's one of your best jokes."

The Narrator chuckles"Yes, it's as classic now as is was back then! Let's do it for us, (Y/N). Let's go back to the way we were before this stupid bucket! But if we want to do that, you're going to have to give something up."

You frown, "I don't like where this is going." You say as you walk over some stairs.

"Don't you get it (Y/N)? We need to get rid of the bucket. That's why I'm very proud to introduce a brand new character. This is the Bucket Destroyer."

"No."

"I think it'll make a wonderful new addition to the rich lore of The Stanley Parable."

"This thing wasn't in the original either!" You say.

"True, but it's such a well fleshed-out character with so much personality that, to me, it already feels as though it's been a part of the cast all along, don't you agree?" The machine turn on.

"No."

"Can you guess what the Bucket Destroyer does? Surely you don't need me to spell it out for you."

"Destroys buckets." The gate opens and you walk through.

"Go ahead now, (Y/N). Say goodbye to The Bucket, and then pop it into the machine when you're ready."

"No."

"Now listen to me, it's crucial that you give it the bucket. Destroying buckets is all it knows! That is its singular personality trait!"

"How does a character with only one personality trait deserve to be part of Stanley Parable amazing cast?" You ask.

The Narrator sputters. "Well you see, if you were to really explore the Bucket Destroyer you'd see that its desire to crush buckets is so densely loaded with complexity and nuance that it's really like ten personality traits! What other object in this game can you even say that about? The Broom Closet? Certainly not. I wonder what sort of Bucket Destroyer merchandise the fans will be clamoring for after this."

"The Broom Closet has more personality in it's door that that thing has in it's whole being."

"Okay, the Bucket Destroyer is getting very upset now, you'll have to hurry and feed it! We can't get back to the classic Stanley Parable characters like the Adventure Line™ or the Bucket Destroyer until you crush that damn bucket!"

"I will not destroy my bucket!"

"Quickly now, the fans are waiting! Do it for the fans, (Y/N)! Give the fans what they want! Hurry and cru-"

Everything blows up and for a second you mind goes back to the mind control facility and the timer. You expect a similar pain but it doesn't come and when you look up the Bucket Destroyer is there in the white void.

"The Bucket Destroyer... my prized creation. You had so much potential. We were going to do such marvelous things with you. Tell such spellbinding stories about you. All if it squandered now. Goodbye, new friend. For the moment in time that you were here you were magnificent."

You roll your eyes and the next thing you know you're waking up at your computer.

(950 Words)