Studying Love

Chapter 45: Secret lover

Charles' pov

We lay in bed together. Lilly is reading in her book. Before I think it through I hear myself talking "Hey Lil can I ask you something?" without looking she answers "Ofcourse, anything." Shit, now I really have to say it. She puts her book away. Her big hazel eyes look at me and she smiles "Well ehm, did you and, I mean this might be a weird question. And I don't-" "What do you want to ask me Charles?" She gives me a soft kiss on my cheek. "I feel terrible for asking, but did something ever happen between you and Arthur?" She starts to laugh "Me and Arthur? No gross, why would you think that?" "Oh no nothing." she says nothing and just looks me in the eyes, eyes that speak more than a thousand words. "Well, I think he has a crush on you. Not a sweet innocent crush, but a really is-in-love-with-you crush." She starts laughing even harder. "Oh, you're serious? Shit... I never got that feeling but you do know I don't feel about him that way right?" I nod. "I just noticed it when we broke up. Remember I told you he came speeching to me how much of an idiot I was for letting you go? There was one sentence that kept spiraling in my mind, he went on something like 'i hope to find someone like her one day bla bla bla' and after he said 'but not her, she already sold her heart to you', and when I was lunching with my mother recently he also bursted that you're way too good for me and he hopes you choose for yourself." She says nothing but cups my face. "Don't worry about it okay, I never noticed something weird but this explains why you were so distant to eachother." She kisses me gently. "I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Lilly's pov

Wow... I never saw this. Does he really? Did I give him the wrong signals? I mean I love him, I love having him around and he usually makes me feel better but like... as a friend. Charles falls asleep but I can't stop thinking about it. The next day I decide to get clarity. There is one person who might know more. I get my phone and call Lando. "Hello?" I hear. "Hey Lan, I have a question. Do you know if Arthur maybe likes me more than a friend?" It stays silent at the other end of the line. "I promised not to talk about this to anyone and before I will spill everything I will hang up now. Ask him yourself." The line is dead again. Well he spilled easier than I thought, now I get why Charles always tells me to be cautious of what I tell him.

I ask Arthur to come over and just hang out. Charles is with his childhood friends all day and I leave them be. We share some fun and he stays for dinner. Afterwards we watch a movie. I'm a couple of wines deep and splurt out the question. "Art, are you in love with me?" He looks up at me "What? Ofcourse not, you're with my brother." He tries to change the subject "Are you going to Imola next w-". "Arthur that wasn't my question. I know I'm with Charles. My question was if you're in love with me." I try to look at him but he looks away. "Oh my god... you are?" It stays silent. "I don't know Lilly. I don't want to okay...it hust happened" I don't know what to do or say. Charles was right. "I need you to leave my home. I need time to process this." I walk to my bedroom. I hear him walking to the bedroom door, but he doesn't open it. "Lilly please. I want you to know that I really tried to not fall in love with you. All I want is for you to be happy, and I know thats not with me. Don't ruin our friendship due to this." A single tear falls down my cheek. "Please just... don't tell Charles. I don't know if he'll be able to forgive me. I don't want to loose you in my life Lil..." I hear him walking out and fall on the bed crying. What do I do now?

Charles comes back from the boat late in the evening and I pretend to be asleep. He cuddles up to me and kisses my cheek. He whispers in my ear "I hope your day was as great as mine." It, in fact, was not great at all. The next morning Charles is already out of bed. "Hey baby, how did you sleep?" He comes and gives me a kiss when I walk into the kitchen. "Yeah fine." I sigh. "What did you do yesterday?" "Oh nothing special, did you have fun?" He looks at me and frowns. "Babe, what's going on? Is it because of what I told you the other night? I didn't want to upset you..." "No it's not that. Well it is but not how you think. Don't get mad at me but I needed to see it for myself so I asked Arthur over yesterday." I see him breathing in sharply before I tell more. "It didn't feel or look different. I didn't notice anything. But I had some wine and I straight up asked him if he was in love with me. And he, well, he confessed. He said he didn't want to be but it just happened." Charles' jaw clenches. I take his hand. "Don't do anything you'll regret later, let me handle this." I smile at him but I see how angry he is by it. "Are you mad at me?" He let's out a sigh. "No, I'm just disappointed in the situation. He was or is your best friend here and now that's ruined and I have this cold war with him. This just absolutely sucks." I agree with him, this sucks.

Charles didn't leave the house which made me glad. That means he also didn't fight Arthur. I need to get some groceries and tell Charles I'll be back soon. He's not joining me, he has to call someone for racing I believe. I walk around Monaco and just take in how beautiful this place is. I can't believe I live here, for real. With the man I love. My life has completely made a 180 turn the past year but I am so grateful it did. When I get back I can't find Charles. He left me a note on the kitchen counter. "I'm out for a run. Will be back before dinner. Love you x." He makes me smile. I could see myself living like this with him for the rest of our lifes.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Charles' pov

That little son of a bitch. I knew it. I want to confront him but Lilly tells me not to. She goes out for groceries and I quickly finish my call. I need to talk to him. I don't want Lilly to lose her friend and I don't want to lose my brother. I get to my mothers apartment and get in. She's surprised to see me and gives me a hug. "Maman, where is Arthur?" "Oh just in his room, do you want something to drink? Arthur, your brother is here, come say hello!" She yells at him. I hear he's not coming out so I walk to his door. I open it to see him standing there in his room "We need to talk." He nods. We go outside to take a walk together. "So she told you I assume." I scoff. "Yes she told me, but she didn't have to. Your behaviour already said enough." He looks at the ground "I really didn't want to fall in love with her. It just happened." "When did you realize it?" "I think when I saw her supporting you in Adu Dhabi. At that moment I was just jealous I didn't have someone supporting me like that. And afterwards her and I hang out so much. Also without you. The night of the television event I realized I was in love with her when I saw her name in the middle of the night on my phone. I didn't want you to break up but I kind off liked having her for my own for some time. I'm so sorry Charles, I didn't mean for it to happen. And when I realized I wanted to take some distance but than you know you guys broke up and she needed me and it got worse again. I needed to remind myself that she was with you and so I came to you to tell you how much she loves you. She never did something towards me, so don't take this out on her." I sigh. He knows he's wrong. And can I blame him? I also fell in love with her the moment I saw her. "I really really tried to put those feelings away, I never wanted her to know, I never wanted to do something with it. I hoped they just would disappear again." I stop walking. " I believe you." His eyes widen "You do?" I nod. "Wow, I thought you would scream at me or hit me or something, this was way better than expected." I laugh at him "I don't want a girl standing in between us. Not just a girl but my future wife, but I want you to be there with us when we get married. And I don't want her to lose her best friend. But I think you need to talk to her about it. Can imagine it's weird for her like this. Come over for dinner?" He agrees and he walks with me to our home.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Lilly's pov

"I'm back babe! But do you have place for another mouth at dinner? Better say two because this one eats a lot." I frown. What does he mean. "Yeah I haven't started yet. I can make extra." He walks in and gives me a kiss when I see someone walking in behind him. Arthur? I look at him and back to Charles. "No-one got hurt, physically?" Arthur laughs at my comment and sits with us. "I wanted to apolagize. I didn't want this to happen. Yess I am or was in love with you, for quiet a long time actually. I never wanted something to do with it because I believe you and Charles are destined to be together. And you are unbelievably blind Lilly, even worse than Charles." He jokes and I even see Charles laugh. I am so confused. "Did you guys talk already?" Charles kisses my head "We did, it was a good talk." He smiles at me and I look at Arthur who seems slightly uncomfortable. "I really am sorry Lilly. I don't want to stand in between you and Charles, and I don't want to lose you as my friend. I like spending time together, I think you've become my best friend as well." "I ehm.. I really don't know how to react or act at the moment..." I look at Charles and he squeezes my hand. "Give it some time, it will be fine again." He smiles at me and I look back to Arthur. "I ehm... I forgive you I think?" Arthur sighs of relieve and I smile at him. "So what are we eating, I am so hungry." he says. "Did you really have to bring him over for dinner, this man will eat us poor." With time it will be fine again. I think.